Confloofdential (floofinition) – Information which animals are only privy to know.
In use: “The cat urgently needed into the hall closet for confloofdential reasons, and the man had to comply in accordance with the Earth Floof Accords.”
Floofnipulate
Floofnipulate (floofinition) – To alter or change behavior or intentions by an animal’s actions.
In use: “As he went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, his cat tried to floofnipulate him into petting him by darting into his path and issuing little grunts, forcing him to take a zigzag course.”
Floofmate
Floofmate (floofinition) – 1. Animal or human’s position during an interaction which stops the other from moving.
In use: “The cat employed love eyes, a loud purr, and air biscuits to pin Rosie to her chair (with him on her lap) and gain floofmate.”
2. Animal or person who is a companion to another animal, or an animal who accompanies a person.
In use: “Scooby the little Yorkie and Loki, the big black cat, were constant floofmates, not just to one another, but to Beda, helping her in every aspect of her life at home, always there, no matter what was going on, unless it involved the vacuum cleaner.”
Floofcial
Floofcial (floofinition) – 1. Involving or relating to animal activities in which people spend time talking to animals, doing enjoyable things with animals, or sponsoring events which benefit animals.
In use: “A cat floofcial was happening in the backyard, with the three resident cats in their customary places being visited by three neighbor cats sitting on the fences, stopping by to say hello and chew the kibble, so to speak.”
2. Experience of an animal cleaning a human face with its tongue.
“Whenever she got home, her dog had to conduct a thorough floofcial, as if he was cleansing her of the outside world.”
Floofs Alone
Floof Alone (floofinition) – Comedy film about animals’ floofnanigans when they’re behind at home during a holiday and thwart criminals’ attempts to break into the house.
In use: “One of the highlights in Floofs Alone is the sequence when the burglars are kept from entering the house because of traps set by the home’s cats, dog, and bird through clever use of their toys, litter box, aided by the bird’s ability to mimic noises such as police sirens and guns firing, a skill acquired by observing the children’s video games.”
Infloofnito
Infloofnito (floofinition) – Animals’ ability to change shapes and appear as someone or something other than who and what they are.
In use: “Animals sometimes employ their infloofnito skills for fun, becoming part of the furniture as a joke on their people, watching as they walk around, calling their names and hunting for them.”
Solflooftary
Solflooftary (floofinition) – Being alone with nobody except an animal.
In use: “Many people find solflooftary time to be the most pleasant and rewarding part of the day, whether it’s walking the dog, visiting with a horse or bird, sitting with a cat or dog sleeping on their lap, or other activities.”
Crotch Floof
Crotch Floof (floofinition) – Animal who obsesses with human crotches.
In use: “Bill had two crotch floofs; a dog that greeted everyone by thrusting his nose into visitors’ crotches, and a twenty-two pound tuxedo cat who insisted on sleeping on Bill’s crotch whenever he sat or lay down.”
Calcifloofcation
Calcifloofcation (floofinition) – State of stiffness in people caused by lack of movement incurred when they do not want to disturb an animal.
In use: “He could feel calcifloofcation settling into his body, was growing hungry to the point where he was ready to declare he was starving (especially because he knew one piece of pumpkin remained in the kitchen), and his bladder felt on the verge of bursting, but a cat slept on his chest and a dog snored on his legs, and he didn’t want to disturb them, so he endured.”
Floof Code
Floof Code (floofinition) – 1. Set of rules imposed on animals by humans.
In use: “The house’s floof code dictated, no cats on the counter, no dogs on the sofa, and no fighting, but the four amigos often broke the three rules.”
2. Official standards and guidelines established by the United Federation of Floofs regarding how animals will interact and treat one another.
In use: “Although the Floof Code was agreed upon over twenty-five years ago, widespread adoption among all species has been slow, with cantankerous species like crocodiles and alligators stubbornly refusing to accept it.”
Michael Seidel, writer 