Crotch Floof
Crotch Floof (floofinition) – Animal who obsesses with human crotches.
In use: “Bill had two crotch floofs; a dog that greeted everyone by thrusting his nose into visitors’ crotches, and a twenty-two pound tuxedo cat who insisted on sleeping on Bill’s crotch whenever he sat or lay down.”
Saturday’s Theme Music
Saturday’s sunrise came at 7:50 AM, flashing sunlight at us for a second like a busy executive stopping by to say hello to the team before sprinting on to other matters. After that flicker of sunlight, clouds shrouded in charcoal moved in, sniffing with disdain, loosing a little drizzle, keeping the air cold. It’s 47 degrees F now but we’re optimistic that it’ll break 50 before the sun’s face turns away at 5:59 PM.
Today is November 6, 2021. That means we’re turning our clocks back tonight in most of the U.S. (Okay, technically, we do this at 2 AM on the seventh. But I’ll do it before going to bed, right?) So tomorrow’s sunrise will be an hour earlier. Sunset will also be an hour earlier: before 5 PM in my niche of season. But we do get that one extra hour to do things. I’ll use it for sleep, cats permitting. The cats don’t recognize daylight savings time and clock changes. They stay faithful to their inner workings. When they start clamoring for their first breakfast at 5:50 AM, it’ll now be 4:50 AM. Some adjustments will be required by them, and some coping by me.
Let’s not let all that stop us from rocking. The plan is to stay inside, warm and dry, except for a late-afternoon constitutional. Eat a little food. Drink a cuppa coffee. Maybe bake a pie. (Yes, that’s my new definition of ‘rocking’.) Meanwhile, “Somebody to Love” by Queen (1976) is circling the morning mental music stream. These words conjured this song:
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day (someday) I’m gonna be free, Lord!
h/t to AZLyrics.com
Those lyrics are firmly rooted in the ongoing limitations provoked by the COVID pandemic. I look forward to visiting coffee shops on a casual, recurring basis. On running down to the store without donning a mask. Visiting friends without querying them about vaccines, boosters, and pods. One day I’m gonna be free! Until then, I’ll remain cautious, wary, wearing a mask as needed, distancing, seeking the booster, and trying to remain positive.
Here’s the music, and right on schedule, here is my coffee. Let’s be safe out there. Cheers
Calcifloofcation
Calcifloofcation (floofinition) – State of stiffness in people caused by lack of movement incurred when they do not want to disturb an animal.
In use: “He could feel calcifloofcation settling into his body, was growing hungry to the point where he was ready to declare he was starving (especially because he knew one piece of pumpkin remained in the kitchen), and his bladder felt on the verge of bursting, but a cat slept on his chest and a dog snored on his legs, and he didn’t want to disturb them, so he endured.”
A World War I Dream
I was a young US Army officer. I knew that WWI had ended a year or more before. As a lieutenant, I was strangely working alone. I’d come upon the wreckage of a country road that curved and went up and down a hill. I thought, if anyone is to use this road for any purpose, they’ll not be able, because it’s in a horrible state. The asphalt was torn up and debris littered the path, hindering any sort of swift passage. I took it upon myself to fix it, ordering others to bring me different types of materials and directing them to clear things away. When the materials were brought to me, I’d throw it on the ground, then jump on it to break it up, shuffle it into place with my shoes, and stamp it down. It was a remarkably effective process. I quickly had a flat, clear road. Both aspects pleased and astonished me.
A young woman, who was an Army captain, but who resembled my real life wife as a young woman, came along and inquired about what I was doing. I was almost finished by then. Seeing her, I was instantly smitten; I could see my feelings were reciprocated. Weirdly, she was dressed in gray sweat clothes, but I knew she was an Army captain. Affecting modesty, I bragged that I was fixing and improving the road for future use, suitably impressing her that I’d made that choice but that I was also doing it so well. A general officer and his staff came along in a jeep. They stopped to admire my work. The general asked, who was responsible. I claimed credit. He made a little speech about intelligent and motivated young men like myself being the country’s future. Then they drove off.
In a strange detour, the dream changed perspective. My dream camera focused first on a small crab in shallow water. I knew from watching it that it had become infected with something. My dream camera then showed a young woman in black clothing and back open-toe sandals come down. She stepped into the water. The infected crab crept into her shoe.
The dream perspective changed back to me. I was watching that young woman. She was now walking on the road that I’d fixed. I said to others with me, “She’s ill. We need to help her before it’s too late.” She collapsed, unconscious, at that moment. We rushed to her. As I bent to help her, I yelled at others to call for help. No one moved at first. I demanded more insistently that one of them call 911. He began looking around for a phone. With increasing exasperation, I told him to use his cell phone. He finally pulled it out and called 911. Help was already arriving, but the woman was dead and blue. Standing, I told the others, this is a warning, that we need to be vigilant because an infection is spreading.
Dream end.
Floof Code
Floof Code (floofinition) – 1. Set of rules imposed on animals by humans.
In use: “The house’s floof code dictated, no cats on the counter, no dogs on the sofa, and no fighting, but the four amigos often broke the three rules.”
2. Official standards and guidelines established by the United Federation of Floofs regarding how animals will interact and treat one another.
In use: “Although the Floof Code was agreed upon over twenty-five years ago, widespread adoption among all species has been slow, with cantankerous species like crocodiles and alligators stubbornly refusing to accept it.”
Panfloofmonium
Panfloofmonium – (floofinition) – Wild and noisy disorder, confusion, or uproar caused by animals, especially pets.
In use: “The two cats decided on a mad dash, releasing wild meows as they galloped about, attacking air, causing the dog to freak out and start barking in alarm, while the bird mimicked a police siren, and the children laughed at the panfloofmonium.”
So Many Dreams
One of the dream snippets that punctuated today’s conscious film was about soldiers and jaguars.
My wife and I were walking through a green park. We’re looking to the right where large men dressed in military field uniforms are gathered. It’s not a large contingent. They’re behind a sort of flimsy barricade made of aluminum or some other light material. We’re trying to figure out what they’re doing over there. As we slow and watch, we realize there are jaguars among the soldiers. I’m talking the feline beast. Some of these are large adults. Most of the jaguars are dressed in little jackets around their torsos. These jackets are either turquoise and gold, or purple and gold. The jaguars are on leashes. The soldiers hold the leashes.
We — my wife and I — are saying, “What on Earth?” Why would the military have jaguars? Why are the animals dressed like that? Neither of us have ever heard or seen anything like it. As we’re slowly resuming our walk through the park, but still watching, a jaguar breaks free of the enclosure and handler and rushes toward us. This jaguar is young, though. Small and cute, like a kitten the size of a Maine coon cat. A leash trails behind it. It hurries toward us as we stop and bend toward it, smiling and laughing because it’s so cute. As it gets closer, it becomes confused and wary. Slowing, the animal pauses, then thinks about going in another direction. Meanwhile, a large black soldier, grinning and laughing, jogs up, apologizing about his new cat getting away from him.
Dream end.
