Meowstrom (catfinition): Powerful feline activity, often accompanied by meowing (and sometimes by hissing and growling), that sucks others into its quantum vortex.
Floof-name
Floof-name (catfinition): the private and secret names that cats give to their people, i.e., Warm Lap, Chin Scratcher, Giver of Treats, Can Opener, and Shower Man.
Mewstic
Mewstic (catfinition) Of the nature of or pertaining to the mysteries of cats.
Catopox
Catopox (catfinition): An illness people use to call in sick or stay in bed, brought on by an unwillingness to disturb a sleeping animal. Originally associated with cats, the illness has been extended to include any animal.
Friday the Thirteenth
Tomorrow was supposed to be Friday the Thirteenth. I’m pleased to hear it won’t be.
I’m not superstitious at all (except for seeing a rainbow; you know good things are going to happen when you see a rainbow). Yet, I felt relief when the current POTUS announced he’d signed an executive order abolishing Friday the Thirteenth.
“Americans have enough to worry about in this great country without dealing with an unlucky day. I mean, did you see that movie? Was that scary or what? Am I right?” he tweeted early this morning.
His second tweet continued, “That movie isn’t good enough to have a day named after it. Just another example of Hollywood liberals dictating to the rest of the country. SHAME!”
His final tweet said, “Hollywood is a horror movie we don’t need! Enough horror! Wasn’t the Obama administration enough? LOSERS!”
According to the White House press corpse, “People should not refer to it as Friday the thirteenth. Not every day needs a date, you know. What good do dates do? If they need a date, they can call it October twelve and a half. That’s what we’re doing on all official correspondence.”
The President later said, “This change will be like plutonium for the economy. Sales have always been down on Friday the thirteenth because people have been afraid to go to work or shop. A lot of them don’t even eat. Don’t even drink. Don’t drink nothing. Not even water. Just stay in bed all day. So this change will mean a lot to businesses. It’ll supercharge sales. It’s gonna be huge. It’ll be a beautiful day, beautiful.”
Thursday’s Theme Music
I heard today’s song yesterday and started laughing in memory.
The song is “Animal,” by Def Leopard. One line is, “I got this feeling in my blood.” A friend told me years ago, “For the longest time, I thought they were singing, “I got this feeling in my butt.” I couldn’t figure out why they had a feeling in their butt, or why they were singing about it.”
Ah, a classic mondegreen, but if you casually listen, you might hear it, too.
Felinality Disorder
Felinality Disorder (catfinition): A form of species dysphoria, felinality disorder is a highly variable Human personality issue characterized by people behaving like cats. As in many disorders, F.D. has a spectrum of featured behavior. On the “mild” end, people will roleplay like a cat, or get down on the floor or another surface and behave like a cat to play with them, comfort them, or encourage the cat to eat. In more extreme cases, people will groom, eat, and sleep like cats without interruption, regardless of whether cats are present in the household, communicating with others through growls, hisses, meows, and purrs.
Imaginary Physics
“What do you have?” he said.
“Chi-particle. Can you break it?”
“Can I break it. We can break anything here. I’ll give you a tachyon and a baryon.”
“That’s not enough.”
“I think that’s fair.”
“It’s not enough. Throw in a meson.”
“No way. A chi-particle isn’t worth a tachyon, baryon, and meson.”
“I disagree.”
“Take it somewhere else, then. Know how hard it is to get rid of a chi-particle?”
“Know how hard it is to capture an extra one?”
“If it’s so hard, and they’re so special, why are you trying to get rid of it?”
“These are special circumstances.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“I need to change a chi-particle.”
“Look, I feel you, buddy, but I’m pretty limited. It’ll be hard as hell for me to get rid of that. People don’t want them. And Chi-particles have imaginary mass. Know what that does to real mass?”
“Yes, but they’re faster than light. They’re faster than tachyons. They have the longest half-life of anything out there. Hell, they’re the fundamental energy-particle of life.”
“That’s why people don’t want them. They already have them. Everyone has one. They worry about what another chi-particle will do to the relativity of simultaneity.”
“Yes, but Blink drives won’t work without them.”
“Blink drives are in the future. I have to deal with the present.”
“There is no future or past, there’s just now.”
“Oh, no, don’t start trying quantum bullshit on me. I’m an eternalist. I’ll not have presentism in my shop. You want to talk presentism, take it somewhere else.”
“Okay, okay, forget about time.”
“Forget about time?”
“Just give me a pentaquark and a tachyon, instead.”
“Where do you think you’re at? Look around you. You think I have anything as exotic as a pentaquark here?” He laughed. “Next, you’ll be asking for a heptaquark.”
“Well, what can you give me, then? Make an offer.”
“What about some leptons? I got every flavor you want.”
“I’m already lousy with leptons. Try again.”
He thought. “What flavor of chi-particle is it?”
“Human, of course.”
“Human huh?”
“I wouldn’t be dealing with you, if it wasn’t a Human chi-particle.”
“Okay. I’ll give you a tachyon, baryon, and boson.”
“A boson?”
“Yeah, that’s a good deal.”
“You kidding me?”
“You won’t get that anywhere else.”
“A Higgs boson?”
“Now you’re trying to take advantage of me.”
Both accepted the swap after sniping at one another for a few minutes. Neither was satisfied, but then, nobody ever was, dealing with imaginary physics.
Autumn Floof
Autumn Floof (catfinition): A cat who comes into the house covered with leaves.
