Floofstalgic
Floofstalgic (floofinition) – sentimental or wistful feeling for the happiness experienced with a previous pet.
In use: “Petting the young tabby cat made him feel like he was a child with the family cat at his parent’s home, in a good floofstalgic way.”
Infloofniac
Infloofniac (floofinition) – someone who can’t sleep unless their fur friend is with them.
In use: “She was an infloofniac for weeks after her big Maine coon passed away. There was a hole where his big, floofy body had rested against her side, and she felt it every time she went to bed.”
Floofnanigans
Floofnanigans (floofinition) – mischievous behavior by a cat or dog.
In use: “The puppies’ floofnanigans as they piled over the children, licking faces, tugging on clothing (and sometimes pulling something off) and wagging their tails, helped break the room’s tension. Good thing, Becca thought, or it would have been a short — or murderous — Thanksgiving.”
Floofsant
Floofsant (floofinition) – feline or canine’s powerful or vigorous impact.
In use: “Although it was two in the morning, a floofsant meow caused him to leap out of his recliner and run into the dark night outside to find the source and help the animal, if necessary.”
Floofcuse
Floofcuse (floofinition) – a stare animals employ to convey betrayal, suspicion, and disappointment that hovers around being angry and contemptuous.
In use: “Opening the bag of chips, he began eating them only to discover two cats and a dog walking into the room. Sitting down, the three held a floofcuse on him that began wearing him down. With a sigh, he held out a handful of chips and said, “Do you guys want some?””
Catstar
Catstar (floofinition) – a feline who serves as a model, guide, or inspiration.
Synonyms: floofstar, lodestar
In use: “The three-day-old kitten was mewing for food and attention, refusing to give up, becoming Cristiano’s catstar. Picking up the kitten and stroking her belly, he said to her as much as him, “I, too, will not give up.””
Charles Said
*snark alert* If this true, I’m a brilliant freakin’ writer.
(“Notice the ‘tend’,” he reminded himself.)
Floofsayer
Floofsayer (floofinition) – someone who can predict a cat or dog’s behavior.
In use: “I met a man who claimed he was a floofsayer. He gave me a kitten and said, “This cat will love you more than any person or animal has ever loved you. She will follow you everywhere, including the bathroom, and sleep on your pillow against your head.” He was right in all regards. That kitten is now ten years old, weighs twenty pounds, and still sleeps on my pillow against my head.”
Heartbreak
I knew heartbreak yesterday when, like many people, I was afflicted by shopping cart envy.
Oh, don’t deny that you haven’t experienced it in one form or another. You know what I’m talking about. Some of you have felt it when you’ve seen a cart filled with riches that you don’t have the money to buy. Others experience it when, like me, they look into another’s carts and see the stuff that you don’t eat because it’s not healthy for you, but you want to eat it.
I am a chronic sufferer of shopping cart envy these days. When I was younger, I could eat anything. Eating anything caught up with me as my activities and metabolism slowed and the speed of my waist line’s expansion increased. Ice cream, pizzas, burgers, milk shakes, sandwiches, steaks, cake, pie, doughnuts? Pass them over. Anyone want that last cruller? I’ll eat it.
Yes, I went through that period when I said, “I’m an adult. If I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I will.”
Then I became, “I am an adult. What responsible adult eats ice cream for breakfast?”
Waistlines change. Diets change. Attitudes change. Yesterday, in Costco, I saw another man’s cart. He had a case of beer, cheesecake, a large pizza, and other treasures. I can’t describe more, as my mind went blank at the dazzling sight. I think I wandered, for the next thing I know, I was standing in a pool of my own saliva in the bakery section with a box of cookies in my hands.
I wasn’t alone.
