Defloofinate (floofinition) – to relax and de-stress by spending time with a pet.
In use: “After an hour of rush hour traffic, he entered the house, threw down his keys, kicked off his shoes, and defloofinated with his dog’s head on his lap.”
Dogma
Dogma (floofinition) – a canine’s mom.
In use: “Though he was male, the puppy needed to be raised, so he had no choice but to be the puppy’s dogma.”
Floofgic
Floofgic (floofinition) – 1) A pet’s power to apparently influence the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.
In use: “The cat knew when she had a migraine, and came to sit with her, using its floofgic to alleviate the migraine in minutes. She never told others this, but she knew from being away that the cat had floofgical powers that helped her heal.”
2) A pet’s reasoning according to their world view.
In use: “By their floofgic, whatever he was eating was meant for the cat and dog, too, just as their floofgic stated, if he was sitting, his lap was available for them to nap on.”
The State
He said, “I’m really optimistic. I think I have a chance here.” He frowned. “Or am I in denial?”
She continued to focus on her laptop. He said, “That’s your opening, sweetie.”
She said, “You’re not in denial. You’re in California.”
Bravetoe
His socks had a hole which could have been put there by specification, designed to be part of the sock and inserted on the production line, because they were so regular, but it was the product of his left foot’s great toe. Although the toe and nail resembled common toes (and nails), the toe continually used its nail to cut its way out.
Although it’d been happening with his socks for years, it wasn’t until he saw it on his shoes that awareness took on significance. He liked to walk and purchased many shoes for that purpose. The latest generation of Adidas, New Balance, Nike, Under Armour, and Saucony activity shoes that he wore were made of a mesh material. He’d read the material was made of recycled plastic. (He’d never looked it up on the net because he didn’t trust the information on the net, and vetting it as truth required hours of work. He also privately admitted (that is, to himself) that he hoped it was true that the shoes were made of recycled plastic.) The thing is, his big toe was cutting up through his activity shoes’ mesh. There wasn’t anything on his right foot. It was only the left.
Because he had an active imagination, he began to watch the toe more often, specifically trimming its nail back in an effort to slow down its escape efforts. Imaging his toe crying, “Freedom,” as Mel Gibson had when he portrayed William Wallace in a movie, he nicknamed his toe Bravetoe. It was partly whimsy, but also acknowledgement that the toe had a personality and seemed to have a goal.
And a toe like that, who knows what it would do if it ever escaped its prison? He suspected it would probably inspire the rest of the toes to try to do the same, a possibility that he did not want to contemplate.
Although he did.
The Looks
Don’t you love it when you’re walking and encounter others, and say, “Hi” or “Hello” and they look at you like “WTF is wrong with him?” That makes me laugh, which prompts them to give me another look, which makes me laugh more, and they —
Well, you know.
September Greetings
Hi writers. Yeah, it’s me. Yeah, again. Like a bad penny, right? Most people assume that the old chestnut about a bad penny refers to coin. It doesn’t. Bad Penney (correct spelling) was a murderer who terrorized several towns in England in the late eighteenth century. *
Chestnut, by the way, was a man known for his pithy sayings. That led to him being associated with sayings, and a saying about the man who created sayings, “That old Chestnut.”*
* Both of these are things I made up.
September has arrived, full of promise. Don’t know about you, but I’ve discovered that I’ve met my enemy and he is me. Identifying your enemy is always excellent progress. As humans we dislike the unknown. Making the enemy known helps establish concrete steps to address your differences of opinions and work to a healthy mutual understanding. Once my enemy and I are friends, I feel like I can make much more progress.
Who is your enemy in this September of 2018?
While you contemplate that, it’s time to write edit like crazy, at least one more time.
Flooftronics
Flooftronics (floofinition) – electronic and mechanical devices designed to automate living with pets.
In use: “Despite flooftronics like an automatic water fountain with filtered water, a self-filling kibble bowl, and a pet door that opened when the cat approached, her beloved feline still awoke her at four A.M. for some floof time.”
