He’d dissolved his cloak of invisibility, and shredded his veils of anonymity.
He’d uninstalled his mute button, replacing it with an amplifier and speakers.
From now on, he’d seen and heard.
He just hoped he could stand the attention.
The Manual
A new hitch in his giddy-up manifested in his hip when he rose for the morning and stumbled from his bed to his bathroom. Muttering to himself, to which his cat and dog paid no attention, he went about the business of feeding the cat and dog, opening the blinds and checking the weather (looked cold, looked like snow), and made coffee. With the coffee done, he went into the other room with it, turned on his computer, and then pulled his Owner’s Manual from his desk drawer.
“Trouble-shooting,” he said. The book automatically opened to that curled and worn, wine and coffee-stained page that marked the section’s beginning. He expertly flipped the pages, perusing them until he found, “Hip,” “Pain,” and “Stiffness”. Following the instructions, he turned to page one seventy-nine, “Routine Repair for Stiff Hips”. After reading the three paragraphs, he sipped his coffee and smiled.
It was easy enough to fix. He’d do it after he finished his coffee.
Fondly he regarded his Owner’s Manual. Best thing that he’d ever found on the ‘net.
Best twenty dollars ever spent.
The Day
He put his dirty clothes in the recycle and tossed his used tissue in the laundry.
Returning to his study, he reached for his coffee, and remembered, he’d gotten up to get his coffee.
Leaving his study, he realized he put his dirty clothes in the recycle. Getting them out, he found the used tissue in the laundry, blew his nose into it, and threw it in the trash.
Then he fed the cats a few treats and went into his study to read, where he reached for his coffee.
Remembering, he’d gotten up to get his coffee, he laughed at himself. At least he was getting a lot of steps in today. He checked his wrist to look at his Fitbit —
Where did he leave his Fitbit?
Getting up to go find it, he left his study, went to the kitchen, and made a cup of coffee with his Keurig. Satisfied, he returned to his study with his coffee to read, and then checked his wrist to look at his Fitbit —
Where did he leave his Fitbit?
Then, he remembered, he’d put it in his shoe.
Leaving his study, he went into the other room, fed the cats a few treats, and made a cup of coffee.
This was going to take some time. Coffee would definitely help.
Floofiday
Floofiday (floofinition) – a day to honor and celebrate housepets where no work is done, except to serve and help housepets.
In use: “As was befitting for Prince’s fifth birthday, a household floofiday was declared, and all activities focused on feeding, brushing, and playing with Prince. It was a day well spent.”
Instafloof
Instafloof (floofinition) – social media site housepets use to share information and stories.
In use: “As the people partied, drank, and became sillier through the evening, the cats and dogs slipped their iPaws out, snapped shots, and posted them to Instafloof.”
Drivus Interruptus
Driving through the snow,
one hand on the wheel,
while reading a text on the phone
in my other hand.
I never saw the truck,
nor the other car,
I never even saw the sign,
or tried to stop my car.
Oh, jing —
Floofbrage
Floofbrage (floofinition) – a housepet’s display of pique or resentment, often over perceived favoritism or a small slight.
In use: “Discovering he’d gone into the bathroom without letting her in with him, Ashley clawed and meowed at the door in floofbrage.”
Perfloofcious
Perfloofcious (floofinition) – of a strong housepet disposition.
In use: “Domesticity changes animals. While dogs have become smaller compared to their ancestors, modern housecats are about sixteen percent larger than they were centuries ago. Despite that, domestic cats are so perfloofcious, most would struggle living as their wildcat cousins live.”
Floofasetic
Floofasetic (floofinition) – a very satisfied housepet; a satisfying relationship with or between housepets.
In use: “The dog and cat slept together during most of the day, visiting the back yard together, eating side-by-side, and sleeping with their master on the sofa at night. The harmony was floofasetic.”
Floofstice
Floofstice (floofinition) – the time of a sun’s passing on a sleeping housepet.
In use: “Tigger always hunted the sunshine through the windows. Having lived in the same house for seven years, the tabby knew where to place himself for maximum floofstice, on most days. Clouds always forced him to the master bed, where he curled up by the pillows.”
