Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
FUV (floofinition) – Floof Utility Vehicle: car, truck, van or other conveyance purchased, acquired, modified, or employed specifically to fit animals’ needs.
In use: “While the Subaru’s front half was set up for driver and passengers in a conventional manner, the rear was all FUV, with a caged-area fitted with a dog bed, water and food bowls, and a rechargeable system that independently heated and cooled the area.”
Oingfloof Boingfloof (floofinition) – New flave band established in Floof Angeles in 1979. The group became popular in the ‘80s for its upbeat blend of flock, floop, flunk, and other musical elements.
In use: “Oingfloof Boingloof’s early song, “Only A Floof”, written by Danny Elfloof, helped established the band as a regional success in 1981.”
Floofvention (floofinition) – 1. Convening or assembly of animals for a specific purpose.
In use: “The pandemic upset the animals; they were accustomed to the humans all leaving the house, allowing them to hold or attend floofventions where floofvances were often addressed.”
2. An agreement between animals for regulation of matters affecting all of them.
In use: “Floofvention dictated that each pet would eat from its own bowl but Carrot made it his habit to eat from others’ bowls whenever he felt like it, leaving them non-floofed about what to do.”
3. A rule of conduct or behavior among animals.
In use: “By floofvention, the big dogs and cats knew they were to be gentle with the little ones arriving to be fostered, no matter how floofbunctious the little critters might get.”
Surrepflooftious (floofintion) – Something done, made, or acquired by an animal through stealth.
In use: “Crystal, the small black velvet cat with the large jade eyes, was a surrepflooftious food thief. For example, she loved stealing powdered sugar doughnuts. No one ever saw it happen, but the missing doughnuts and white sugar on her paws and face always told on her.”
Floofstar (floofinition) – An animal who serves as a model, guide, or inspiration; an animal who gains great popularity.
In use: “Grumpy cat, real name Tardar Sauce (April 4, 2012 – May 14, 2019), became an internet floofstar and marketing presence, repping everything from calendars, stickers, and bricks to shoes and clothing.”
Flooftégé (floofinition) – Animal who is guided, trained, or protected by another animal, or whose life is furthered by an animal of influence, position, or experience.
In use: “Orphaned kittens and puppies typically do better as a flooftégé guided by an older paw who shows them how to socialize, clean themselves, eat, and interact with humans.”
Floofhouse (floofinition) – Floofnadian flock (floof rock) band formed in 1968. Their sound reflects a blend of jazz, flock, classical, and swing music. They remained active intermittently with shifting line-ups through the present year.
In use: “One of Floofhouse’s 1971 releases was “Floof It Slow (Out in the Country)”, which performed well on charts in Floofnada and was certified gold.”
Lugfloofrious (floofinition) – Looking or sounding like a very sad or dismal animal.
In use: “The elderly cat looked at her and released a lugfloofrious noise that changed her plans for the day and resulted in sharing her life with one of the sweetest creatures she’d ever known, Miss Gunnila Shugafly.”
Are you familiar with the Gorilla Glue Girl’s hair-mix-up fiasco? Out of a needed product, she made a decision that didn’t work as planned. The mistake earned her time as the web’s focus. Her fortunes spilled over into an SNL skit last Saturday.
I feel for her. Making bad decisions and mistakes is a human trait. The worst I’ve usually done is grabbed the wrong keys or the wrong sunglasses. Although there was one time when I was carrying one thing for the refrigerator and another for the trash and was about to put the one in the other but then caught myself.
I’ve had moments of panic when I thought I did the wrong thing. Once, when I was sixteen, I boarded a Greyhound bus to head south. I’d been up visiting Mom in Pittsburgh, PA. Now I was traveling south to southern West Virginia, where I lived with Dad. I don’t know what the deal is. It was late, like after ten PM. I may have fallen asleep. Next thing that I know, the bus was moving and the driver was talking about stops in Florida.
Florida! Man, I didn’t want to go to Florida. I was going home. But a little later, he announced, like an afterthought, “We’ll be in Charleston, West Virginia, in about three hours.”
Some time was required before my breathing returned to normal and the sweat dried on my body. I did not go to sleep again; I stayed awake, fearful of ending up far away from where I wanted to be.
No, wait; the worst was when I was checking out of an Atlanta hotel. I’d been there for a week on business. Now it was time to roll for the airport. Part of my travel routine is to slip my retired military ID into my shirt pocket for easy access when I’m going through security. I also think it saves time identifying me should the plane ever crash. My photo ID would be right there in my shirt. It’ll work if I still have my shirt on after the accident, if the ID isn’t thrown from the pocket, and if my face isn’t mangled or burned past the point that a photo ID would help.
Anyway, on this day as I headed out of the hotel, I dropped my plastic hotel key card into the box for that purpose and headed for the airport. Then I arrived there and found, oh, shit, you guessed it: I’d dropped off my military ID instead of my card key.
Well, I immediately called the hotel, explained it all, and asked them to overnight it via FedEx on my company’s account, so problem solved.
What about you? Do you have a story to share that shows how you commiserate with G3’s predicament that you’re willing to share?
