humor – Page 191 – Michael Seidel, writer

He checked his phone. Still no bars. The news said that the phone system was overloaded and several satellites had already been lost. Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC, and MSNBC were all saying the same thing. He couldn’t check the net because it was still down, probably so they could control the information. Control information, and you control the mind.

Yeah, it was all fake news and bullshit. Bleating to control the masses. Opening a beer, he turned the channel, searching for a ball game or some kind of sports distraction. Weird, but no baseball or basketball games were in progress anywhere. ESPN was off the air. So were the cable sports networks. He slammed his beer down, spilling some. Such fucking bullshit! This was a bigger hoax than the goddamn moon landing.

He turned on the oven and prepared to bake a frozen pizza. Better than nothing, because going out would require human contact and most humans that he encountered were idiots.

Glancing outside, he realized that he was hearing a growing roar. Well, what the hell is going on out there, he wondered. Picking up his gun, he went to the door and stepped out.

His last words were, “What the – “

Then the fake news slammed into him, disintegrating his body, gun, and home.

Floofdegreen (floofinition) – Song lyrics deliberately misinterpreted or changed to be about animals.

In use: ‘He loved making up floofdegreens and sharing them with his cats, such as his take on “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”. In his version, it’s “A kitty went into the kitchen, he was looking for treats to steal, he was feeling fine, just marking time, and not willing to make a deal.”‘

Whether Floof (floofinition) – An indecisive animal.

In use: “Many people find their pets are whether floofs when inclement weather strikes, as the pets ask to go out, then see the bad weather, return back in, and then try another door, going back and forth, trying openings, wanting to be out, wanting to stay in. Some people even say that their whether floof is a weather floof.”