He was tired of fake news. They claimed that no one had done a moonwalk since 1972. He knew that was bull. He saw Michael Jackson moonwalk on televsion in 1983.
Floofex
Floofex (floofinition) – Existence or conscious reality created or maintained by animals. Although skilled at doing such, human presence tends to distill or distort animals’ realities, sometimes with adverse consequences resulting.
In use: “Having realized human impact on their Floofex, and appreciating the ways in which cats, dogs, and other creatures could co-habit with human in roles as pets, the Council ordered a quantum increase to the number of animals going to Earth in that role in an effort to reverse some current, terrible trends and establish a happier, more pleasant Floofex.”
Haifloof #85
He comes and he goes
Although no one ever knows
Slinking past like fog
She Said
Looking at the shopping list on the chalkboard, she said, “I know it’s my handwriting, but I don’t know what this says. It looks like chickpens.”
Walking by, without looking, he replied, “It’s chickpeas.”
“Oh, chickpeas.” She laughed. “That makes more sense than chickpens.” She laughed again. “Give me a break, I haven’t had my coffee.”
DIY Victory. Huzzah!
I successfully replaced the flange, drain, and stopper in one of the bathroom sinks yesterday. Before details are parsed out, some entities are owed thanks.
- The builders who constructed our house seventeen years ago, because they used standard fittings.
- The plumbing industry for establishing clever and simple plumbing solutions that even fools like me can fix.
- Hardware stores for carrying parts as needed.
- Youtubers who put together excellent how-to guidance.
I’d been planning this job for a few months but was intimidated because, plumbing. It’s right up there with wiring and electricity for me. Fed by sitcoms, movies, cartoons, and cliches, my imagination is well-stocked with visions of what could go wrong for someone who isn’t mechanically proficient, like the guy who looks back at me from the mirror.
Nothing did go wrong, though. Yes, it was work. Two hard parts emerged. First, unscrewing the flange in the sink from the drain. Those puppies had been wedded together for seventeen blissful years. Separating them was a stinking challenge. I needed to hold onto the vise grips and keep the flange from turning while somehow reaching beneath the sink and turning the pipe to unscrew the flange. I needed another set of hands.
Enter the partner, my spouse, aka, K, the wife.
I set up a heavy-duty screwdriver in the hole where the popup lever connects the stopper to the plunger. Yeah, these are the technical terms (*snark*). I don’t know the true terms. With that rig in place, I, um, gripped the vise grips and held on tight. Then I had my wife turn the drainpipe below, using the screwdriver as a lever. I felt tremendously satisfied when that worked.
The other aspect was that we have designer stuff in the bathroom. I wanted to use the original plunger because its design matched everything else in the bathroom. But the lever wasn’t compatible, forcing me to find an imaginative solution for a hybrid system that worked. That, brothers and sisters, consumed about forty minutes of my seventy-five minutes sweat soaked endeavor.
When I finished, I went into the other room. My wife was reading on the bed. “Done,” I said. “Come see.”
“Hang on, I’ve almost finished this book.”
“Really? That has priority over my DIY success?”
“See this tear?” She pointed at her eye.
“I’ll see your tear and raise you my sweat-soaked shirt. It was hot in there, and cramped.”
“I’m almost done. I just have a few more pages.”
I went back alone and admired my results. With one down, I’m purchasing more replacement parts and doing the other two sinks this weekend.
Don’t get cocky, I tell myself.
I won’t, I reply.
What can go wrong?
Haifloof #84
He comes and he goes
Inspecting things with his nose
A bored floof at home
Rendezfloof
Rendezfloof (floofinition) – An agreed upon meeting place at a specified time between or with animals.
In use: “The meal rendezfloofs were not at the food bowls. No, they preferred to meet her when she selected a can or bag, and then shepherd her to the actual eating site, telling each other that they were providing security that she needed because she was carrying rare and precious stuff: their food.”
Pasflooferine
Pasflooferine (floofinition) – Animals, including birds, who enjoy singing. Although some species are specifically known for their singing abilities, pflooferine isn’t defined as a species or genus, but as a individual characteristic.
In use: “Jade was a pasflooferine of the first order, singing just before dawn so others would get up and feed her, singing to be freed from the house at midnight and then singing again outside the bedroom window to be let back in, even singing a sad lament when she found her litter box not up to her standards.”
Floofing Hour
Floofing Hour (floofinition) – 1. A period, which may be more or less than an hour, when an animal displays annoying or irritating behavior.
In use: “The floofing hour, when the cats came in demanding food and attention, was debilitating as everything was stopped to attend the floofs.”
2. The time(s) of a day or night when the quantum portals are open, enhancing animals’ skills as well as allowing them transport between dimenstions.
In use: “For the less adept floofs, the Floofing Hour was posted on the Floofnet, accessible to any animal at any time, but the more developed creatures were telefloofically connected and knew the time with a simple thought.”
Haifloof #83
Sunbeam to moonbeam
He stretches out north to south
And takes his leisure
Michael Seidel, writer 