He thought, it must be a sign of maturity when you use scissors or a knife to open a bag of chips or cookies, instead of just biting it open with your teeth.
Friday’s Wandering Thought
He eavesdrops on others. He always does, the rogue. This time, he’s listening to three attractive women as they meet and discuss their lives. Their shifting topics could have been lifted from his own existence. He has to restrain himself from chiming in when they try to remember the name of a television show or when they struggle over recalling the name of Amor Towles’s latest novel or Jerry Seinfeld’s writing partner. He’d love to plunge into their brief discussion about The Mists of Avalon as one tries to tell the others about the novel.
But he doesn’t know them, and they don’t know him. They might think it’s rude.
Super Floof
“Away,” the floof cried with a flashing leap,
Traveling faster than their paws.
Their antics amaze us, they are so stupendous,
We literally drop our jaws.
They dash into the room and look around,
Then they’re off again with a single bound.
A super floof in their own eyes,
Super cat, super duper dog, they try to prove they can fly.
And when they wear out all their speed,
They bring their empty tummies to us to fill their needs.
Ode to a Floof
A small floof,
Who liked to goof,
Was such a funny one.
She liked her people’s bed,
And being scratched on the head,
But really loved the sun.
Kibble was tasty.
And she never ate hasty,
Nor was other food shunned.
Then it was off to sleep,
Another day to keep,
And dreams about all that she’d done.
Flooping
Flooping (floofinition) – To follow an animal or to repeatedly circle back to an animal to check on its health or to play with it.
In use: “He was supposed to leae for work at 7, but his dog was sick, so he called in sick, staying home and flooping back throughout the morning to his pet to see how she was doing.”
‘Nother Military Dream
It was another military dream but with a marked difference. First, a friend, Jeff, who was also in the military was in the dream.
I was at some unidentified Air Force base. I was a chief master sergeant, E9, and was due to attend a conference of CMS that was due to start. (This is two ranks above my RL retired rank.) I worried about my hair, my uniform, and my shoes as attendees began arriving. But I slipped away and pressed my uniform, taking care of that, putting razor sharp creases in it. Then I stayed low until the barber opened. When I walked into the barber shop, there were two barbers and no customers, so either one could immediately cut my hair. Both knew me by name.
After getting my hair cut, I left the shop and looked down at my shoes. They were scuffed and old. I said to myself, those aren’t my shoes, and they immediately changed into highly polished new shoes.
I felt a lot better about myself. I ran into Jeff, also a CMS. He and I chatted. I ended up telling him about a cousin who died of cancer (a cancer did die of cancer in RL). We were walking around as we talked. Female military spouses were all over the place, and they kept flirting with me. The attention flattered me.
Jeff and I stayed together through the morning, sitting down and eating. Then the conference was due to start. Another CMS came up and asked if I was going, because it was getting under way. I told him that I’d left the military twice and came back twice, but now I’m done. I wasn’t going to attend. I was taking off my uniform and leaving.
I went off to find a bathroom. When I found one, I undressed and then peed and discovered that my pecker was half purple. One of the wives walked in on me. While taking a long look at my body, she apologized for entering. I replied, “I don’t mind. I’m just wondering why my penis is half purple.”
Dream end.
Friday’s Wandering Thought
It’s an old joke, heard every year at this time. People leaving and going in different directions tell each other as if it’s brand new, “Well, I’ll see you next year.”
Everyone laughs like it’s never been heard before.
Govfloofnor
Govfloofnor (floofinition) – Animal who exercises authority over a group or area.
In use: “Tucker is the Household Govfloofnor or HG, and as such, must be present to enter any room first when a door, package, bottle, or window is open, to issue his approval that it’s okay for others.”
Wednesday’s Wandering Thought
The little cat, who isn’t little any longer, but is younger than the household’s alpha floof, is called Papi. He’s a ginger character, sweet but quick to put up his claws. He enjoys spiriting out to guard the yard every night. I say night, but he likes going out about 3 AM. Technically it’s still dark morning in my realm. The thing is, he returns every morning at exactly 6:37 AM, rapping on the door to get back in. His punctuality is admirable, but it makes me wonder, is the cat going off to a duty or paid position somewhere, finishing his shift at 6:30 and then returning home?
It seems reasonable…doesn’t it?
Michael Seidel, writer 