Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Crotch Floof (floofinition) – Animal who obsesses with human crotches.
In use: “Bill had two crotch floofs; a dog that greeted everyone by thrusting his nose into visitors’ crotches, and a twenty-two pound tuxedo cat who insisted on sleeping on Bill’s crotch whenever he sat or lay down.”
Calcifloofcation (floofinition) – State of stiffness in people caused by lack of movement incurred when they do not want to disturb an animal.
In use: “He could feel calcifloofcation settling into his body, was growing hungry to the point where he was ready to declare he was starving (especially because he knew one piece of pumpkin remained in the kitchen), and his bladder felt on the verge of bursting, but a cat slept on his chest and a dog snored on his legs, and he didn’t want to disturb them, so he endured.”
Floof Code (floofinition) – 1. Set of rules imposed on animals by humans.
In use: “The house’s floof code dictated, no cats on the counter, no dogs on the sofa, and no fighting, but the four amigos often broke the three rules.”
2. Official standards and guidelines established by the United Federation of Floofs regarding how animals will interact and treat one another.
In use: “Although the Floof Code was agreed upon over twenty-five years ago, widespread adoption among all species has been slow, with cantankerous species like crocodiles and alligators stubbornly refusing to accept it.”
Panfloofmonium – (floofinition) – Wild and noisy disorder, confusion, or uproar caused by animals, especially pets.
In use: “The two cats decided on a mad dash, releasing wild meows as they galloped about, attacking air, causing the dog to freak out and start barking in alarm, while the bird mimicked a police siren, and the children laughed at the panfloofmonium.”
Floofiverse (floofinition) – Totality of existence, as far as an animal is concerned.
In use: “The dog’s floofiverse began and ended with his yard and his people, although his floofiverse expanded and contracted as his humans took him for rides and walks, which was great, as long as he was with them.”
2. A cosmological model supporting the Fur Theory, which holds that all matter is created from fur and hair shed by animals.
In use: “Keri was dubious of the Fur Theory and the idea of a Floofiverse — which, according to Floofology, held that the universe and its matter was a subset of the Floofiverse created as something to occupy human’s attention, sort of like a bell inside a plastic ball — but she was beginning to be a believer. It certainly seemed like everything was made of cat and dog hair, she thought, on her knees, cleaning animal fur from her carpet, which she had just done yesterday.”
Dia de los Floofos (floofinition) – A celebration of animals with an emphasis on those who have gone over the rainbow bridge, normally celebrated between October 31 and November 2.
In use: “She was always circumspect about observing dia de los floofos, quietly opening a binder with photographs of her fur friends, like little Jojo, a sweetheart if there ever was one, Bumble, who disappeared one night and was never seen again, and Max, her first fur friend, a big white dog given to her as a pet when she was a little girl.”
Floofomania (floofinition) – Obsessive desire to be with animals, or to immerse oneself in objects and matters related to animals.
In use: “It wasn’t enough that he had four cats. He’d become a floofomania, with cat art on his walls, cat sculpture on his tables, and cat-themed socks, shirts, and ties. Friends and family privately whispered to one another about holding an intervention. When he heard about it, he laughingly called it an ‘interflooftion’. That just disturbed them more.”
Flooftop (floofinition) – Game played among housepets. When they hear a can, box, or bag being opened, they all race to the source. First animal to arrive expects to receive all the goodies or food.
In use: “When she opened a can, the Yorkie leaped up with a yip and bolted into the kitchen like a flash of black light, slowing down only enough to look back and laugh at the cat before trotting into the kitchen to claim another flooftop victory.”
Yes, another odd dream.
First, I had an odd job as some sort of quality assurance or quality control inspector. Those dream job details never cleared enough for me to figure out. Guess it wasn’t important.
I was working in a small, old building where a business was undergoing renovation. It had been a coffee shop. Coffee drinks were still available, so I was happy with that as I walk around with my clipboard, observing and scribbling notes. The business owner, a man, was there, talking about the planned changes. He was in high spirits; so was I, and the few other people in there. When the business owner mentioned that he needed some minor help, I happily volunteered.
Then I learned that he wasn’t going to re-open his business as a coffee shop but as a fitness center. He went around enthusing where equipment would be located, where different fitness stations would be, fitness services that he would be offering. Well, good for him, but…I wanted my coffee shop. I was disappointed.
Meanwhile, my wife came by. She said that our car, a Volkswagen Beetle, wasn’t uninsured, but she was waiting for a call that would take care of that. (Please note, I’ve never owned a Beetle.) I was like, okay. She left again, errands to run. I continued my vague inspection job.
The business owner mentioned that he needed a car, did anyone have one that he could borrow? I offered my VW. As he thanked me, he told me that he would be driving to another part of the city, but he would be back later, if that was okay. Remembering that the car wasn’t insured, I asked with surprise, “You’re going to drive it?” He answered, “What else would I do with a car?” And laughed.
I didn’t want him to drive the car because it wasn’t insured. However, I wanted to help him. I questioned him. Would he be careful? Has he ever had an accident? What kind of driver was he?
My wife returned. She reminded me not to use the car because it wasn’t insured. I prepared to tell her that I’d loaned it out when someone came by and told me the owner wasn’t going to use it after all.
Then, though, came word that our dog was loose. (Please note, I’ve never had a dog.) I joined my wife out in a woody, muddy field, looking for our dog. As we walked around, looking, she started calling a name. The name was of a cat who passed away twenty years ago. I asked her, “Are we looking for a dog or a cat?”
She didn’t answer, going off. I was convinced we were looking for a lost cat and not a dog. I started calling the dead cat’s name as I walked through a meadow. Another cat came running across the meadow with its tail up, meowing at me. It didn’t resemble the dead cat at all, but I knew it was my pet. The deceased animal was a short-hair gray tabby, and the approaching cat was white with a torti ear and matching torti tail. Before the cat reached me, I turned and stepped back into the coffee shop under renovation to answer some questions about my work.
Dream end
Derfloofative (floofinition) – Animal behavior or actions which is imitative of behavior or actions of another animal or a person.
In Use: “A video of Riptide‘s derfloofative behavior when he attends an exercise class has people on the net watching and laughing.”
Michael Seidel, writer 