Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
WTF (floofinition) – Shorthand slang for ‘What the floof’, an expression people with animals often employ when they see what the animals have done.
In use: “Seeing photos of pet mischief and destruction wrought by cats and kittens, dogs and puppies, and goats and birds on the net, commenters responded with laughing emoticons and ‘WTF’.”
Polyfloofmy (floofinition) – Established relationship with more than one animal.
In use: “Many people driven by desires to save animals and give them a home or because they think their pet is bored, embrace polyfloofmy, but some do it because they find animals engaging, entertaining, and loving, and often prefer to be with them rather than other humans.”
Floofkrieg (floofinition) A fast and sudden animal attack.
In use: “Many people with young animals such as kittens and puppies are subjected to floofkriegs on their persons as the young floofs practice stalking and hunting to develop their bodies and improve their coordination.”
Slinky Floofy (floofinition) – A common exercise routine used by my animals, which calls for the animal to stretch its limbs while lowering itself to the ground. In its most basic configuration, the animal stretches either the rear or front limbs first, followed by the other end, will lowering their body as far as possible.
In use: “Quinn was a master of the slinky floofy, almost flattening his chest to the ground as he splayed his paws and stretched his front legs, and then leaning forward, lowering his rear as he extended his rear rear legs to their maximum.”
Yesterday was a gorgeous day locally, and today extends a promise that it came be the same. Today is May 17, 2022, a Tuesday, as it goes. The sun crowded into the valley at 5:48 AM. It was already in the mid fifties by then. Now it’s up to the low sixties, and we expect a high around 73 F. As I noted, it’s much like yesterday. Sunset should come at 8:27 PM.
We breakfasted out this morning, the first time we’ve eaten breakfast out locally since Feb. 2020. See, back in 2019, we participated in an auction to support exchange students with our sister city in Mexico. One of the things we successfully bid on was a gift card for one of our local favorite restaurants, Brothers. My wife has some anxiety that COVID-19 will surge back into the area as tourism kicks in and people become complacent, so we took advantage of the low local numbers to use our gift card. She had mushroom and onion omelet while I did the Mediterranean scramble with artichokes, dried tomatoes, feta cheese, kalamata olives, and spinach. It was a pleasant, relaxing, and welcome change to our routines of the past two years.
I ran into a very friendly big black dog while I was out walking yesterday. Muzzle grayed with age, his body went into a hyper frenzy of wagging, like we were favorite cousins encountering one another after decades away. I was in the street so I worried that he was a stray but his person came out and reassured me. The dog and I spent a few minutes together and then he went home with his person, back to his yard. After I resumed walking, the neurons unleased “Black Dog” by Led Zeppelin into my mental music stream, where it still resides this morning.
So, here’s the music, and there’s my coffee. Stay positive and test negative, you know? Right. Cheers
FloofFlock (floofinition) – Video-focused social floofworking service which that provides short formats produced by animals for animals.
In use: “Many animal videos on FloofFlock center around pranks that pets play on their humans, such as hiding items like car keys, prescription glasses, and phones, or stealing socks from the laundry.”
Floofcaster (floofinition) – 1. A person who predicts what an animal will do.
In use: “From years of observation, Jeff had become an adept floofcaster regarding the backyard interactions between the neighbor’s cat, the squirrel, the jays, crows, and his dog, Pixie.”
2. An animal who makes predictions.
In use: “Whether by hearing or some psychic abilities, Merlin the Cat always not just knew someone was coming, but the floofcaster showed by behavior who was coming, bolting to hide if it was a stranger (or Meg, who he couldn’t stand for reasons he never gave), and rushing to the door to greet friends, family, and those deemed worthy of is affection.”
Floofslide (floofinition) – 1. Procrastination caused by an animal’s presence, conditions, or involvement.
In use: “Cary’s chores suffered a floofslide as the puppy unmade the bed while she made it, then diverted her attention with antics involving the cat, Mystery (who still hadn’t wholly accepted the puppy as a worthwhile housemate), a ball, and a spider.”
2. A deterioration in an animal’s situation or health.
In use: “Despite everything which he did, Marvel’s floofside continued, forcing Ray to consider the inevitable, that Marvel was not going to get better.”
3. A maneuver in which an animal slides over a surface, such as a hardwood or tile floor.
In use: “The two cats chased one another, claws scrabbling on the floor as they executed long floofslides, changed directions, and bolted down the hall.”
Flooflan (floofinition) – An animal devised language created to help them communicate with humans.
In use: “After using telefloofy to communicate with the dog and cat in his new house, Bowser discovered that the humans couldn’t comprehend his thoughts, forcing him into using flooflan, which was mostly, IHO, just silly barking, as the humans didn’t seem to understand that, either!”
This was another military dream but, with twists to it that made the military component less significant.
So, yeah, in the military, young again, running a command post, killing time. I’m waiting for something to happen, so I start going through the daily logs. First, I’m superintendent and I’m expected to review and initial the logs each day. Second, the logs should reflect what checklist actions have been taken by the controllers on duty. I want to ensure they’re doing their jobs as expected when I’m not around.
I go through a bit of that, making comments. The command post is lightly busy around me, slower than a typical day, with people calling in on the radios and the telephones ringing and being answered. My mood is buoyant; whatever I’m waiting to have happen has me hopeful and excited, full of anticipation. Going through personnel rosters, I note that we’ve lost several people, which lowers the assigned total to perfectly fit all needs. That delights me to bizarre levels. Every position filled, and no one left for me to ‘find a job’ for them. Great. I go through the names, recognizing people who worked for me before, and then do a casual audit of the communication security code books on hand, ensuring they’re being properly maintained. Everything is in perfect order!
I’m abruptly changed into civilian clothes, which surprises me, but it’s a good thing, I decide, ala Martha Stewart. Then I’m looking for my dogs. I should have three. (NOTE: In RL, I’ve never owned a dog.) I find one of them. I recall the second one passed away, which saddens me. But the third, a small black Yorkie in my mind, should be there.
I begin walking around the command post, looking for the missing black dog. As I do, others question me about what I’m doing. They don’t seem to be able to comprehend my answers. As I’m responding and still looking, I see the dog bounding down a small ravine. Well, there he is, I think, happy to know that, and going after him.
I leave the command post but can’t find the ravine. I know that’s where the dog, so how do I get there? The dream ends as I’m turning in circles, trying to understand where to go to reach the dog…
Michael Seidel, writer 