Haifloof #38
Unrefloofpant
Unrefloofpant (floofinition) – No exhibition of shame or remorse by a housepet for its behavior.
In use: “The cat pushed a bottle of nail polish off the counter. “Stop it, Jade,” she shouted. Unrefloofpant, Jade looked at her and batted a bottle of pills to the floor.”
Floofgasm
Floofgasm (floofinition) – Net slang for a feeling of intense pleasure derived from animal companionship.
In use: “All I remember is napping with the kittens and puppies through the afternoon’s long, sweltering heat. What a floofgasm.”
Infloofticated
Infloofticated (alternative spelling: inflooxicated) (floofinition) – emotionally excited, elated, or exhilarated by a housepet’s presence.
In use: “Home after a rough trip, the triplets – two tabbies (siblings) and her big white Spritz/Samoyed mix, Max – rushed to welcome her back. Within seconds of their welcome, she felt infloofticated, and weariness sloughed off her.”
Floofhole
Floofhole (floofinition) – 1. An obnoxious pet who seems deliberately contrary and unruly, often bothering and annoying others. 2. A pet who seems insatiable.
In use: “A big dog, he ate with gusto and ran with energy, a floofhole who seemed to swallow cans and bags of food without noticing, trying to eat everything else within reach, too. Nothing was safe.”
Tollfloof
Tollfloof (floofinition) – housepet who blocks a common passage such as the stairs, a doorway, or hall, and doesn’t let others by without payment.
In use: “Dobie and Gillis were both tollfloofs. Both liked getting tolls paid on the top stair. Dobie offered his beagle belly for a rub as a toll. Gillis, though, turned on her amber-eyed target acquisition system and swatted anyone who dared to pass, but with her claws withdrawn.”
Floofarchy
Floofarchy (floofinition) – social organization marked by the pet’s supremacy in a household or family.
In use: “His love of animals was apparent, and his social posts suggested that he supported a floofarchy, allowing his pets to do anything (or so it seemed) while treating them like England’s royal family.”
Floofsination
Floofsination (floofinition) 1. Something that provides a deep allure to pets. 2. A person’s deep attraction to pets.
In use: “Like many cats, water provided floofsination for Jade, but her most intense floofsination was when bath water was being run. Hearing it, green eyes brightening, she’d leap up and race for the tub. Jumping onto the edge, she’d then dip her paws into the water as it rose, or tangled her tail in it.”
Flooftune
Flooftune (floofinition) – 1. A song that someone likes singing to their pet(s). 2. A pet’s musical offering to humans or other animals. 3. A lost planet ruled by animals.
In use: “Some claim that Flooftune never existed, as humans have failed to find evidence. Others note, it was an animal’s planet, and is still out there, only accessible to animals or to those humans who animals deem worthy.”
Flooforder
Flooforder (floofinition) – the regular or normal functions done for pets.
In use: “In many homes, the natural flooforder is to feed the pets before anything else when they got up, other than relieving themselves. The pets often won’t permit any other flooforder.”
Michael Seidel, writer 