Flooftender (floofinition) – a housepet who lays claim to head pet throne who is held to have no just title.
In use: “The new cat thought she’d make herself queen, but the established calico soon taught the flooftender her place.”
Saturday’s Theme Music
It’s another feline inspired theme-music day. I petted Tucker and fed him, then fed the others, and then started my coffee and breakfast. Tucker, though, stayed with me, standing by me wherever I want. I finally asked him, “What’s up? Is this stand-by-you day?”
So, for Tucker, here’s the Pretenders with their 1994 song, “I’ll Stand by You”. Not that he was looking sad, or had any tears in his eyes. Quite the opposite, he was tail-up.
Mettlefloof
Mettlefloof (floofinition) – a spirited housepet; a housepet full of vigor and stamina.
In use: “The household was used to quiet, dignified pets. The new mettlefloof of a lab puppy was anything but quiet and dignified, shaking it up with gallops around the house, invitations to wrestle, and eating any food found anywhere.”
Dutifloof
Dutifloof (floofinition) – conscientiously or obediently fulfilling one’s duty to their pets; a housepet who remains loyal and conscientious toward others.
In use: “She had a meager income, but she was dutifloof, ensuring that her miniature collies had the best foods and medical treatment possible. They were her best friends and a comforting presence. Making them happy and keeping them safe made her happy.”
Floofloaf
Floofloaf (floofinition) – a housepet that resembles a rolled up towel or a loaf of bread; a healthy pet that prefers not to move around, but lazes in one spot; a person who doesn’t change positions because a pet is on them.
In use: “He’d been a young fighter when they’d brought the orange kitten into the house but within a year, he became a floofloaf who enjoyed nothing more than a good nap, a warm lap, and a bit of kibble a few times a day.”
Overfloof
Overfloof (floofinition) – in households with more than one pet, the pet that usually keeps order (if there is any order).
In use: “In a household of two Beagles, one German Shepherd, and one Jack Russell along with four cats (and a hamster), a bird was the overfloof. Able to mimic the doorbell, garbage truck, and vacuum cleaner along with the sound of crinkling plastic and their masters’ voices, the bird kept the animals in a wary but peaceful vigil.”
Floofvana
Floofvana (floofinition) – in floofism, a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, because one is with their housepets, and the world feels as perfect as it can be, at least for a moment.
In use: “Tired from working and cleaning the house, and running around on errands, she sat down on the couch. The Corgi and cat soon joined her, making room for themselves and each other on her lap. With one purring and both looking drowsy, she soon entered floofvana. Everyone should have pets, she thought. It would make the world a better place if they did.”
Tuesday’s Theme Music
Once again, the cats contributed to today’s theme music selection. My three boys – Boo, the big black tailless tom, Papi, the orange flash, and Tucker, the black and white long-haired enigma – were following me around. I’d already fed them, but that didn’t stop them from tracking my location and activity.
The three boys do not co-existent in peace. On some days, they glare at one another like they’re bent on mutually assured destruction. One these days, when one violated another’s space, loud, angry warnings were issued. Of course, one cannot issue a warning without the other issuing a warning back.
They weren’t doing this today, though. I suspect the snow and cold were disturbing them. Temperatures in our neighborhood dropped to twenty-one and snow fell all night, so no cat was permitted to go outside. That means, pent up energy.
Talking to them, though, I said with mild irritation, “I don’t know what you guys want. I can’t read your poker faces.”
Click, Lady Gaga and “Poker Face” (2008) began streaming.
I began singing the song to the cats, doing a little dance for them as I did.
I couldn’t tell if they liked it or not.
Floofxiety
Floofxiety (floofinition) – worrying about a housepet; a housepet’s worry about a noise, activity, or another animal.
In use: “He was on vacation, staying at a lovely beach house, but floofxiety flooded him when he heard about a wildfire near his town. He didn’t care if he lost his house or its contents. He just wanted to ensure his cats and dogs were safe.”
The Reassurance Dream
One of last night’s dreams had me traveling.
It was all going wrong. It began with me leaving an aircraft and discovering that I’d been on the wrong flight and had subsequently landed in the wrong place. Knowing that I was on a tight schedule, the realization sent anxiety tremors through me.
As I began to sort the situation, I discovered that besides being on the wrong flight, I didn’t have my tickets. I also didn’t know where my luggage was, or where it was headed.
Chaos ruled the airport. Noisy and crammed with travelers, flights seemed to be screwed up for many. My heart was sinking with the magnitude of the mess. Weariness spread through me.
A tall man in a airline uniform called my name and approached. “We know you’re having some problems. Don’t worry, we’re going to take care of you and make sure you get to where you’re going.”
Two women in airline uniforms were with him. One woman said, “I’ll make sure that you get on your flight and get to where you’re going. Don’t worry about it.”
The man said, “I’m going to get the flight ready. I’ll come back and check on you.” He walked off.
The other woman said, “I’ll be here to help you. Just come and see me if you have any problems or issues.”
I felt a lot better, and flattered. “Okay, thanks. But I’ll be okay.”
“We know,” the second woman said. “We’ll make sure of it.”
I found myself in a packed waiting area. Finding space on the floor, I set down the one bag that I carried. I planned to call people to tell them what was happening. When I looked for my phone, I discovered it where my wallet was supposed to be. In a flash, I realized that I’d packed my wallet with my identification and credit cards in my checked baggage.
I felt sick. Someone could open my bag, find my wallet and steal my credit cards, and my identification. As I grappled with that, a small calico cat came up to me through the terminal. Butting her head against me, she purred, meowed at me, and sniffed and rubbed against me.
Others noticed the cat and were envious, telling me, “How sweet,” and, “Can I pet her?”
The cat allowed herself to be pet and cuddled, but she always came back to me. I told everyone that I’d never seen her before. Someone said, “That’s your protector animal.”
My phone, the old Blackberry that I used to have, began ringing. It was an old friend who died a few years ago. “I got a joke for you,” he said.
“Why’re you calling me now? I don’t have time for jokes, Randy,” I answered.
“Sure, you do. This won’t take long.” Then he told me a joke (which I don’t remember).
Another old friend, also dead, then called. He also wanted to tell me a joked exasperating me. “I don’t have time,” I said. “Yes, you do,” he replied.
The second woman approached. “We have your luggage,” she said, and then, there was my luggage. In a rush, I opened it. My wallet was in there with my ID. My credit cards were in there, but they’d been cut in half.
The woman said, “They saw your credit cards were in your luggage, so they cut them in half, to protect you.”
While I appreciated them looking out for me, I was upset because my credit cards had been cut in half.
Then the woman put her hand up and said, “They ordered new credit cards to replace those, so you won’t have any problems.” In her hand were replacement credit cards.
The first woman then announced to the waiting area that an aircraft was ready for us. A small cheer came from the passengers in response. As I stood and began gathering my items, the woman came over and called my name. “You need to come first,” she said. Then she told the others, “We want him to get to where he wants to go.”
Everyone nodded in understanding as she led me forward to the waiting aircraft.
Michael Seidel, writer 