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Floofhole (floofinition) – 1. An obnoxious pet who seems deliberately contrary and unruly, often bothering and annoying others. 2. A pet who seems insatiable.
In use: “A big dog, he ate with gusto and ran with energy, a floofhole who seemed to swallow cans and bags of food without noticing, trying to eat everything else within reach, too. Nothing was safe.”
Today’s music is owed to a cat. I opened a new can, put it in his bowl, and set it down in front of it. He took a step toward it, bent his head, sniffed it, looked up at me, and meowed.
“Looks fine to me,” I said. “Whatcha see is whatcha get.”
That naturally triggered the 1971 Dramatics’ song, “Whatchat See Is Whatcha Get”.
I gave another cat the rejected food. The other cat wolfed it down and then washed itself. The first cat, Boo, found kibble in the always there kibble bow.
Thinking about the song, I thought that it’s not only effective for telling the cat this is his breakfast choice this morning, but can hold to our politics with Trump. What you see, an ignorant, self-absorbed person and known cheat with a first-graders’ maturity level, and nursery-school knowledge of history and the U.S. Constitution, is what you get. That seems fine with the Trumpettes, but the rest of us are not pleased.
The song’s first words:
Yes, I think that’s apropos for Trump and the Trumpettes.
Tollfloof (floofinition) – housepet who blocks a common passage such as the stairs, a doorway, or hall, and doesn’t let others by without payment.
In use: “Dobie and Gillis were both tollfloofs. Both liked getting tolls paid on the top stair. Dobie offered his beagle belly for a rub as a toll. Gillis, though, turned on her amber-eyed target acquisition system and swatted anyone who dared to pass, but with her claws withdrawn.”
Floofarchy (floofinition) – social organization marked by the pet’s supremacy in a household or family.
In use: “His love of animals was apparent, and his social posts suggested that he supported a floofarchy, allowing his pets to do anything (or so it seemed) while treating them like England’s royal family.”
Floofsination (floofinition) 1. Something that provides a deep allure to pets. 2. A person’s deep attraction to pets.
In use: “Like many cats, water provided floofsination for Jade, but her most intense floofsination was when bath water was being run. Hearing it, green eyes brightening, she’d leap up and race for the tub. Jumping onto the edge, she’d then dip her paws into the water as it rose, or tangled her tail in it.”
Flooftune (floofinition) – 1. A song that someone likes singing to their pet(s). 2. A pet’s musical offering to humans or other animals. 3. A lost planet ruled by animals.
In use: “Some claim that Flooftune never existed, as humans have failed to find evidence. Others note, it was an animal’s planet, and is still out there, only accessible to animals or to those humans who animals deem worthy.”
Flooforder (floofinition) – the regular or normal functions done for pets.
In use: “In many homes, the natural flooforder is to feed the pets before anything else when they got up, other than relieving themselves. The pets often won’t permit any other flooforder.”
Floofture (floofinition) – a housepet’s complaints, lecture, or explanation to people about what’s going on, dissatisfies them, or intrigues them.
In use: “As she hurried to dress to go to her friend’s party, Cammie followed her with a mewing floofture about the lack of attention she was receiving, or the break in routine, or, perhaps, the hurried pace. It was hard to say what it was, but with the volume extensive floofturing, it was probably all that and more.”
Conflooftation (floofinition) – 1. A housepet’s intense attention or focus; 2. The act of a person or people admiring an animal.
In use: “He held a treat up. Sitting, the retriever became a study in conflooftation as her eyes found and stayed on the treat.”
Michael Seidel, writer 