Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Dysfloofia (floofinition) – The inability to understand or relate to animals, especially pets.
In use: “The root cause of dysfloofia is often a faulty belief that animals don’t have a soul, are ignorant and unthinking beasts, or that they don’t have feelings.”
Better than Floof (floofinition) – Floof Orleans-based floofsical group formed in 1988. The four original members were all Loufloofsia State University attendees when they formed the band.
In use: “Better than Floof major song was their first hit, “Good”, which was featured in the film, The Floof-Sitters Club.
Infloofception (floofinition) – An animal’s action or behavior that prevents a person from continuing to a destination or completing a task.
In use: “Many people working from home during the pandemic experience infloofceptions as their pets floofspire to play, be fed, or sleep on top of laptops.”
Prefloofcupied (floofinition) – 1. To be distracted by an animal’s behavior, needs, or wants.
In use: “She’d planned to get up and make a coffee cake but became prefloofcupied with the kittens.”
2. An animal who seems obsessed or deeply focused on a sound, action, or activity.
In use: “She opened a can and called her dog, but he was prefloofcupied with something beyond her view outside.”
I’m on my knees, typing at my desk.
The cat is asleep on my chair.
It wasn’t so planned. I’d been typing when I raised my coffee cup to my lips and discovered it empty and dry.
No coffee.
But I had plans, and they included coffee.
Damnation.
I got up and went into the coffee to make more. When I returned, the cat had taken my chair. Curled up, he looked asleep.
Could that be right? I’d been gone two minutes. He’d taken over the chair and gone to sleep in two minutes? Yes, I was suspicious.
He’s done this before, so I know the routine. I moved the chair out of my way (the cat didn’t move anything during this — not a whisker, not an ear, not even a tail twitch), dropped to my knees, and resumed my activities.
When at last I was did, I stood and stretched. Now I needed water. Turning sideways, I slipped past the sleeping cat on the chair, my back to him.
That’s when I farted.
It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a loud burping noise.
That’s when the cat swatted me.
I stared down at him. “Did you just swat me?”
He was looking up at me. I swear that he looked defiant. I thought, he’s been planning this. He’s been thinking, I’ve had enough. The next time that he farts in front of me, I’m going to swat him.
I glared at him. “I don’t fart that often.”
Rearranging his paws, he lowered his head and closed his eyes.
I think he looked smug.
Four Floofs (floofinition) – Floofmerican vocal group formed in Flooftroit in 1956. Achieving international floofularity in the 1960s, the group helped define the Flooftown Sound.
In use: “A 1965 hit for the Four Floofs was “Floof Can’t Help Himself (Sugar Floof Honey Bunch)”, which reached number one on the Floofboard Hot 100.”
Floofvancing (floofinition) – Advocating for animals through protests, public service announcements, and affirmative actions.
In use: “With the spread of the Interfloof, floofvancing reached new levels in 2020 as people sheltering at home adopted pets and condemned animal abuse and game hunting.”
NFLOOF (floofinition) – Floofmerican floof band. Known for its harmonizing, the band was formed in Floolando, Floofida, in 1995. They were active until 2002.
In use: “The song “I Want Floof Back” was the first single that NFLOOF released, doing so in 1996. The song reached the top ten in several nations.”
Flooftropolitan (floofinition) – Relating to or denoting a flooftropolis, often inclusive of its surrounding areas.
In use: “The greater flooftropolitan area of Floofsburgh includes Floof Hills, Floof Borough, Wilkinsfloof, McKees Floof, Squirrel Floof, and Monfloofville, along with other places.”
The despised wind is here,
ruffling my ginger fur,
and cutting through my sunshine.
Teasing all my senses,
shaking all the fences,
and causing a great disruption.
It makes me quiver,
it makes me quake,
with the noises it does make.
Oh, the despised wind is here,
so I’m heading there,
into the house where it’s not.
Michael Seidel, writer 