Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floof Eye (floofinition) – Look of suspicion or irritation that an animal, particularly a pet, gives a human or another animal.
In use: “She tried tiptoeing around her plans to take the dog to the vet, but sensing something was up, he gave her the floof eye and hid.”
Nonfloofsance (floofinition) – Failure to do what an animal wants to be done.
In use: “In a show of doggy nonfloofsance, the little border collie refused to yield his bed to the cat despite her intense staring and a raised paw.”
Floof Accompli (floofinition) – A thing accomplished by an animal and apparently irreversible.
In use: “By the time she paid attention to what was going on, the dog had edged onto her lap, put down his head, and gone to sleep. Accepting the floof accompli, she stayed still except to stroke his face, unwilling to disturb him, even though she had things to do.”
Capfloofvate (floofinition) – For an animal to dominate and influence a human by a unique trait, charm, or irresistible appeal.
In use: “Marcy’s cat, Emir, often capfloofvated her by rushing in to attempt to peer into Marcy’s mouth whenever Marcy began singing.”
Good morning, my fellow human beans. Today is Monday, December 6, 2021. Weather report says it mostly cloudy here. Looking out, I see no blue sky nor sunshine. An unbroken roll of mild gray has been unleashed over the valley. At least it’s not foggy this AM, although I see streaks of fog hugging ravines and foothills. We’re looking for a high of 51 F today. It’s doable. Sunshine did break through yesterday in the early afternoon, burning the fog away. When I stepped to a window to enjoy it, my irises cried out with injury, recoiling from the light and retreating to my head’s darkest recesses. Yeah, it’d been a while since we’d had sun that bold, clear, and bright.
I have a Gin Blossoms song, “Follow You Down” from 1996 on repeat in the morning mental music stream. The cats put it there. Basically, being bored and restless felines, they began following me around yesterday. Wherever I went, they were attendees. “Oh, what are we getting in the pantry?” “Hey, let’s all go to the bathroom, come on!” Sitting at the desk, I had one on the desk, butting my hand (which really increases the difficulty when typing), another on my feet below, and one on the windowsill behind me. They were like, “Everywhere you go, I’ll follow you around.” So you see why the Gin Blossoms song wormed into my consciousness.
Stay positive, test negative, wear thy mask as situationally needed to reduce spread, and get jabs when you can. Think I’ll have some coffee now. Anyone else? No? Okay, then. Here’s the music.
Cheers
Floof-aid (floofinition) – 1. Emotional, physical, medical, or logistic assistance given to an animal.
In use: “The little stray cat was pregnant so they gave her floof-aid, bringing her in from the cold rain, feeding her, and providing a safe, warm space for her to give birth.”
2. Help provided by an animal, especially a pet, to a human.
In use: “Pets often stand ready to provide floof-aid when it comes to decorating the home for the holidays, especially when Christmas trees are put up.”
Serenfloofpity (floofinition) – Luck that takes the form of finding pleasant animal or animal traits that are not expected.
In use: “Many people now sharing a home with a new pet enjoy the serenfloofpity of witnessing the pet’s quirks and habits unfold, but for cat and dog lovers, finding a convert, say a man who never liked cats who is now inseparable from a little ball of fur, might be as great a joy.”
It was a dystopian setting. My wife and I were in a small gray econobox, trying to make our way home. Torrential rains reduced the area to a muddy swamp. Mudslides were prevalent. Confusion ruled and more rain was coming. How to get home, where do we go? These were the things we were addressing to one another when a pigeon appeared.
I don’t recall the exact details but we concluded that this pigeon was trying to tell us how to get home. We got the pigeon into our car, along with our cat, the ginger boy, Papi. I started driving. Every now and then, my wife would tell me that the pigeon is telling us to go a certain way, or I’d look at the pigeon and say, “Look, he’s telling us to go that way.”
We reached our home parking lot. Large vehicles blocked the way. Backing, pulling forward, wrenching the steering left and right, I managed to get around them and safely to our garage. We then all went into the house with our belongings, the cat, and the pigeon. We talked about the pigeon saving us. We didn’t think we’d made it without the pigeon. My wife went to feed the pigeon when it attacked her.
She tried fighting it off and couldn’t. I chased the pigeon away. My wife was shouting, “Get rid of it, get rid of it.” Papi the ginger cat went after the pigeon. I didn’t want the cat to get the pigeon.
The cat had chased the pigeon to the front door. While I didn’t want the cat to go out, I wanted the pigeon out. I partially opened the door but as the pigeon beat its wings and pecked at the cat and the cat tried getting the bird, the door closed. Then, someone, the pigeon hooked the door’s edge with its beak and pulled the door open. I caught the cat, the pigeon escaped, and I closed the door.
Michael Seidel, writer 