Neil Also Said
Hellfloof
Hellfloof (floofinition) – Animal who causes a great deal of mischief.
In use: “Many kittens and puppies seem like hellfloof but grow out of it as their personality emerges. Some, though, cultivate a gleam in their eye, and seem to search and find new and unusual trouble.”
Friday’s Theme Music
Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Didn’t I, my…
h/t to AZLyrics cuz cut and paste is easier than typing.
So it was that “Little Lion Man” by Mumford & Sons (2009) was going through my head this morning. Writing, a dream, and cats share almost equal weight in bringing the song into my stream.
The dream was about jigsaw puzzles, parties, hockey, and drunk celebrities in a brightly lit and strangely joyful montage that also seemed a bit fucked up, and left me to, well, puzzle it out. The cat was the little ginger lion that I was talking to this morning (you’re not as brave as you were at the start). Writing…well, writing is all about fixing the problems in my head. Not exactly a dark place, but not a clean, well-lighted place for enjoying life, either.
So, now, after singing the song to myself yesterday after writing, it returned to me after thinking about my dreams this morning, and gained strength when I was talking with the cat. Thus, it must be outed from my stream before it gains too much steam and stays too long.
For the record, I enjoy Mumford & Sons’ style, and its infusion of unique sounds in rock music. This video, with its intensity, and the sense of isolation and alienation that I find in it, keeps me watching. It’s like a confession that he’s making to himself but also a dialogue in his head that he imagines having, as the others play and listen. Then, they all join in, as though it was universal to the band members. Through it all flows introspection, a simmering sense of regret, and a realization.
Nothing Day
nothing seemed to motivate me
I did nothing special
ate nothing special
and got next to nothing done
except to write this
which is really nothing
happy National Nothing Day
2020
Saying Good-bye
It’s time. I didn’t want to face it, putting the reasonable off, but finally acquiescing to what needed to be done: I was replacing my Tilley hat.
I’ve had it for a number of years. Like a good companion, it’s with me all the time. I wear it all the time when walking and about ninety-five percent of the time when I’m outdoors.
It shows; the color has faded. Five inch horizontal rips gap along the crown’s front, nicely complimenting the small two inch vertical tears. I’ve taped them together.
The Tilley comes with a Guarantee-for-Life replacement policy. I went to their website and filled out the form. They responded within a few days.
Hello,
Thank you for submitting your request. We would be happy to help you with your Guaranteed for Life claim.
We do require some additional information to determine the eligibility of your item. Please reply to this email with 3 photos (.jpeg preferred as small a file as possible) of the following:
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- A photo showing the entire item
- A photo to clearly show the qualifying damage
- A photo of the inside label. This should show the words “Guaranteed for Life”
Once we receive these photos from you, we will review them and determine the eligibility of your item. You will receive an email from us within 2 business days with your next steps.
That was done. A few more days passed.
Then came their answer.
Thank you for submitting your photos. We have assessed your item and agree that it qualifies for the Guaranteed for Life Policy.
Your Guarantee Identification Number is RMA#G00665
Good news! You no longer have to return your item to us in order to get a replacement!
In order to complete your request, we require the following information:
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- Credit card information for shipping fee –
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- $12.00 CAD OR $9.50 USD $35.00 USD international . Your credit card will only be charged at the time of shipping.
- you may contact us at 1-800-363-8737 and leave your credit card number with any agent. Please use your RMA# as reference.
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- Proof of destruction Photos –
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- We must confirm that your old hat is no longer usable before we can honor a replacement hat.
- Please Write the RMA# clearly on the hat. If the hat is a dark colour, you may write the RMA# on a white piece of paper and include it in the photo
- Cut off the crown (The top part) of the hat.
- Take a photo of this so the removed crown and the RMA# are visible. Save as a .jpeg in the smallest size possible
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Once we have received your photos and credit card information, you order will then be processed. Please allow up to 2 weeks for your replacement hat to be shipped. We will email you once your order has shipped.
Destroy my hat? Shudders swept me as I read these words. Yet…yet…the time had arrived. The Tilley was failing. I needed a new hat.
So I took the Tilley for a final walk in the snow. After he dried out, the cats gathered. I played taps on Youtube, cut off the crown, and took the ghastly pictures.
The deed is done. Now I await my new hat.
Toilet-floof
Toilet-floof (floofinition) – Animal drawn toward toilets in a home, particularly when a human is using them.
In use: “Without fail, whenever Michael sat on the can, day or night, a toilet-floof appeared to verify what he was doing and try to get on his lap.”
Thursday’s Theme Music
Today’s theme music comes via a movie and the cats (but not the movie, Cats). The movie was Fighting With My Family. Featuring a strong cast, I’d wanted to see it when it came out but it went through our town’s theater like a gust of wind. Fortunately, it’s shown up on Epix, so I was able to enjoy it the other night.
Much of the music played during the movie jarred movies out of my brain and into my stream. One particular one was “Born to Raise Hell” by Motörhead (1994). I’m more familiar with the Cheap Trick cover, but the song reminded me of an airman who worked for me on the battle staff at Onizuka.
Such a demure, quiet person, with a southern accent, it was surprising to discover that she was a joyful metalhead. I love those sort of surprises, when preconceptions and stereotypes are overthrown.
The cats came into it as I was talking to my young ginger boy this morning. He’d been getting up in Boo’s face. Boo is a bedroom panther with issues. After speaking the magic words that stopped the conflict (“Stop it now, or you’re going out, Papi,”), I talked to the ginger and told him, “You’re just born to raise hell, aren’t you?”
“Yep,” he mewed back.
So this is for them. Feel free to sing along. Cheers
Crumbs
Crumbs populated his keyboard, slipping between the keys, forcing him to ponder, what did I eat and when did I eat it?
That made him hungry. He attempted to pick some crumbs up for closer examination, and perhaps to taste — just for investigative reasons, of course (that one looked like it may have come off a chocolate-chip cookie) (when did he eat a chocolate chip cookie?) -but the crumbs fled his efforts like kittens scattering at a noise, undermining his investigative process.
It did promote a greater appetite (if he trusted the messages that his stomach was issuing). Nothing healthy was offered for sale here, and he didn’t want to leave to eat somewhere else. Therefore, his logic forced him into a less healthy choice, which turned out to be a raspberry scone.
It was just a one-time deal, he told himself, so it would do no lasting harm.
He blamed it on the crumbs.
Avante-floof
Avante-floof (floofinition) – The advance animals of a group.
In use: “Among the six Dutch shepherd puppies, two females, Eureka and Electra, were the avante-floof, coming out first to see what was going on or who had arrived.”
Michael Seidel, writer 