The Plot Web
Yesterday developed into a sensational writing day, one of those joyful experience that has me shouting, “This is why I write.” I then want to tell everyone about it, but there’s no one to tell. They wouldn’t understand without extensive background explanation, anyway.
But this is my blog, so I’ll go into some of that here.
Essentially, I’d reach a cross roads. I was calling it a cross roads, but that was a convenient and sloppy label. Every character, backed by a muse, had ideas about where the story was to go at this point. I, the writer, was reluctant to embrace their suggestions. I had my reasons.
That foundation created a few days of slow writing. Slow writing isn’t like slow sex. Slow sex, from my understanding (I’ve never experienced it, being a quick little pecker), is sublime, packing in pleasure. Slow writing, though, is more like using a machete to hack your way through a tropical jungle with drums playing in the background, giant mosquitoes trying to carry you away, and huge snakes hanging from the tree branches.
This was the sort of slow writing, coming at my time of month, that made me think, maybe I should just quit writing. Who would care? Nobody would care! Shit, nobody would notice.
Shit replied to me, “That’s oh so true.”
Which ignited a stream of profanities from me at Shit.
Because there were/are so many directions, the crossroads is really the center of a beautiful orbital web. Which strand do I pluck and follow?
Naturally, being me and the person that I’ve nurtured and developed for six decades, I over-analyzed it all. I am consistent. That was, of course, the greatest issue with the situation. After realizing for the tenth to the twenty-seventh power time that, creatively, I can’t logically and intelligently analyze it because I’m too deeply mired in the mess, and that I had to just suck it all up and write, damn it, I did so, and enjoyed the result. Naturally, too, the writing took me in unexpected directions that I couldn’t see when I was struggling to decide which way to go. Once again, naturally, I learned, just write.
Naturally, there’s a caveat to all of this.
The caveat is that yesterday’s writing experience set up unreasonable expectations for another glorious day of writing. Of course, that’s coming from my logical, emotional, and hopeful sides, and not from the creative and writing sides. I think I’m d20 die, part of a polyhedral dice existence. Roll me and see what comes up for the day.
Time to write like crazy, at least one more time.
Method Writing
There’s method acting, the art of experiencing what a character feels and endures. I suspect I’m a method writer. I like putting myself into the character and feeling their experience.
My method writing process created a hard writing session today. The character of focus was attacked and injured. Alarms were ringing, and his ears suffered. That affected his focus, concentration, and effort.
It affected mine, too. I felt weighed down by his pain. The clamoring in his ears filled mine, exhausting me. My typing slowed as his efforts to think and move wrung out his physical and mental energy. By the time that I finished, I wanted to curl up into a ball and rest in a dark, quiet room.
Frank Said
Timely reminder for me from a favorite writer.
Depressing Dream
Last night’s featured dream was so depressing. I’d rather not recall many details. I awoke upset, and that’s enough.
The dream’s gist was that I’d been fired. I worked for a few years as a teenager, was in the military for twenty years, and then worked as a civilian for another twenty. I was never fired from anything, so being fired in a dream upset me.
Oddly in the dream, I did things to provoke them to fire me. And then I was surprised when it happened. After being fired, I had to go tell my wife. It gets weird, here; homeless, we were living in my office of the company that fired me. I had to wake her up and tell her that we needed to leave because I’d been fired. Then friends and co-workers arrived to clean out my office. As they did, they passed a wall where I was featured as employee of the month, quarter, year, etc. Although we were civilians in this dream, my boss in this mess was a former commander of mine. I was a senior NCO and he was a colonel, but we enjoyed one another’s company, often seeking each other out, so being fired by him made it feel harsher, and very personal. The words he used that stay with me was, “Get your filth out of here.”
Remembering and writing, of course, I’m calmer about it. Many psychological aspects of the dream are exposed. Calmer and more distant from it, I’m able to see the messages I’m sending myself, or the veins of doubts and anxiety being uncovered.
Later today, I’ll probably think more about it and even have a chuckle. I might need a glass of wine to reach that stage.