A Little Off

Batting his ears, he wriggled his eyes, crossed his nostrils, and lowered his chest to think, popping another leaf into his belly-button as he did. Something was different today, but he couldn’t put a toe on it.

The Little Ones

He volunteered to be a Little One (trademarked) the day after his eighteenth birthday in May. He could have become one before that, but that decision would have required his parents’ approval. He didn’t want to talk to them about it. They still believed he had a normal future in a normal world.

Admittedly, he didn’t understand the Little technology, but he also didn’t understand television technology, so…? Being a little person, he could reduce his bioprint. They would feed him and ensure he had water. They’d give him a little bonus for volunteering to be a Little One. He’d live in a domed little city where “the air is the cleanest air in America.” Called little SF, the city that agreed to take him was a recreation of the 1950s era San Francisco, except it had modern cars and technology. The city was located on the enormous recreation of the Pacific Ocean that they’d carved out of Kansas farmland. He could still communicate with everyone through the Internet and social media so it wasn’t like he was really leaving anything behind.

Like all Little Ones, everything in Little Land surprised him. The little cars and houses were exactly to scale. Eating utensils, computers, corn on the cob, cheeseburgers, beer cans and bottles — everything — were proportionate to his little hands. So were grass, trees, and birds. Little cows and horses dotted the countryside, and neighbors had little cats and dogs. Big little freighters came into the Little SF Bay past Little Alcatraz, docking at the Little Piers. Little fish populated the Little Pacific and the little ponds, streams, and rivers. Living there, he constantly reminded himself, “This is real.” 

He found a job in a little office where they published several little local newspapers. Little was required of him there, but the structure helped him cope. His favorite activity was to take the Little Train to Little SFO out on the Little Peninsula, and watch the Little aircraft take off, flying to other Little Land locations, like Little Chicago, Little Miami, and Little New York. He could buy a ticket and go to one, but he was, he said to himself with a wry little private chuckle, a little afraid.

Still, even with all of the evidence and his experience, he struggled to accept it was real. He began to think he was in a computer simulation or a virtual reality. He began thinking that nothing he experienced was real, that his mind and perceptions were being manipulated and conned. He began thinking, maybe it was the other world that was fake, and this world was always his real existence. He began to think, I’m a little afraid I’m not going to make it. I’m afraid I’m going a little crazy. I’m going to be a little suicide.

Then he met Candy. Her first words to him were, “Hi, I’m Candy. I’m a little tart, and a little sweet. Want to have a little fun?”

That was how he became a little bank robber. It seemed as good a way as any to spend a little time.

Coffee Morning

Got my head out of bed

And my ass across the floor

Staggered through the hall

Hit my face on the door

 

My eyes were still closed

Couldn’t see where I was

Couldn’t even think

I needed a coffee buzz

 

Fumbled into the kitchen

The cats almost tripped me

Made it to the counter

And started huntin’ them beans

 

Found leftover grounds

But that weren’t much

My mind began howlin’

For its caffeine touch

 

The can was empty

So was the bag

There wasn’t even Sanka

This mornin’ was becomin’ a drag

 

I sucked on a used filter

To see me through

And licked up the dregs

Left from yesterday’s brew

 

My heart beat was flailin’

My thinkin’ gave out

And then my legs

And I started floppin’ about

 

The cats all gathered

But they was no help

The situation was dire

I began to yell

 

Then my wife came in

And bent down low

And said, “We’re out of coffee

But I guess you know.

 

“So I went to Starbucks

To get you a cup

‘Cuz I knew without it

You wouldn’t be much.”

 

I thanked her with tears

And sat up straight

And then drained the grande

And began to feel great

 

Then the horrible truth struck

‘Cuz my need was laid bare

I needed a second cup

But do I dare?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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