I admire the GOTP’s restraint so far. The Grand Ol’ Trump Party is forcing the United States back into th 1800s. Yet, they’re still allowing modern inventions like aircraft, cars, and electricity. Of course, we are speaking of Trump. We know his sense of history is as broken as a rusted washing machine in a weed-infested front yard. He probably thinks they had these things back in those days. In his mind, the shootout at the OK Corral in 1881 has a different slant.

The gunfight at the O.K. Corral pitted Cowboys against members of a loosely organized group of liberals and Democrats called Black Lives Matter on October 26, 1881. Wyatt Earp was the town’s sheriff. His buddy, Doc Holliday had just driven in and finished checking in at the local Marriott. They were planning to do a few rounds of golf. You know, to relax.

They were big golfers in those days. One of the reasons I took up golf was because my heroes all golfed. Though none of them are as good as me. I’m one of the greatest golfers ever. I was doing a round the other day with Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, and Ben Hogan. You know who they are, right? Pretty good, golfers, pretty good. They asked me, Donald, why didn’t you ever go pro? You could have been the greatest. You are the greatest but your name will be left off the record books because you never went pro. But I had other things I was doing. That’s why I never went pro. I wanted to save America and I knew if I went pro, if I became a golf pro, I might not save America. Not because I didn’t want to or because I didn’t have the time or energy. I always have the time and energy to save America. That’s just how these things go. You know what I’m saying?

Now, meeting with Wyatt, the two were waiting for Wyatt’s brothers, Virgin and Morgan, to get in from the airport. After the men got together, they decided to go have a drink to unwind, before they went golfing. They were walking down the street, minding their own business, when a truck full of thugs drove past, taunting them from the windows and making un-American comments about the Bible. A Black Lives Matter banner hung from the truck’s back window, so you know they’re trouble. They’d just, there had just been a big battle, a war, some might even call it, a civil war, fought over states’ rights to carry guns and worship as they pleased. Led by Dems and Liberals, the Black Lives Matter thugs had fought against the states’ rights, cuz they’re not Christians. The Constitution says to honor thy mother and father, but it also says, obey the good book, that’s the Bible, and the lord, thy God. That’s what that fight was all about, the right to worship like a good Christian as you please. Who wouldn’t want that? Nobody. No American wouldn’t.

Well, Wyatt and the boys saw the thugs park their truck up at the OK Corral Diner. Don’t know if you’ve ever eaten at one of those, but they have really good food there, really great food, all-American offerings like spaghetti and meat balls and pizza. I highly recommend eating there. When the thugs left their vehicle, they tore up an American flag hanging by the diner’s entrance before they went in.

Well, that was too much for the Earps and Holiday. They were strong men. Powerful men, patriotic men. They weren’t going to let thugs like those desecrate the stars and stripes. No way. So they marched right into the diner and confronted the Dems and told them they needed to apologize to everyone for what they’d done to the flag. Of course, the others refused, and there was a shoot-out. And Wyatt and his brothers killed them. It became a famous shoot-out, very famous, very well-known, one of the greatest moments in American history, the shootout at the OK Corral Diner. And that’s what it was about, respecting the American flag. And the Bible.

So that’s Trump’s view of history in America. Next: the GOTP is putting forward a bill to change the names of the months used in the United States. January will be renamed Trumpuary in honor of Trump’s inauguration and the way he saved America. July will be renamed Donald.

That way, we can all celebrate the 4th of Donald.