I’m in shock.
I tell my wife, “I’m wearing over eight hundred dollars worth of clothes.”
She looks me over. “Gold-plated underwear?”
“That wouldn’t be comfortable nor practical.” I reconsider the gold-plated undies for a few more seconds. “How would that work?”
“Why are your clothes so pricy?”
“My socks,” I admit.
I’m wearing my compression stockings, as the medical ‘they’ likes to label them. I received a statement about them last night. Review, sign, return. Custom made in Germany to help me cope with lymphedema, the statement reveals that each stocking costs $366.
I explain this to my wife. “Good thing that they’re paid for by Medicare and Tricare for Life. I would have never bought these on my own.”
“No. You’re not comfortable with a pair of shoes that costs over a hundred dollars,” my wife says.
This is true. Fashion doesn’t interest me. I like to be practical. Today’s shoes cost me about sixty. They’re several years old. My jeans are a pre-COVID purchase. Forty dollars. My shirt was bought at an outlet store for $25, I think, over ten years ago. My Columbia fleece is even older. I think I bought it for $40 on sale. Other than the stockings, my undies are the newest things on my person.
Four more stockings are on the way. $366 each. I think about getting a safe to keep them safe.
I begin typing on my computer. Goldplate underwear for men is available at Kohl’s, a search result says. I click on the link. It comes up with gold-plated stainless-steel chains.
Just as well. I don’t think I’m up for gold-plated underwear.