Tailguistics

Tailguistics (floofinition) The study of how animals use their tails to communicate. Origins: Oregon, United States, 2017

In Use: “Through tailguistics, scientists have verified what a dog’s wagging tail or a cat’s slashing tail means; the bigger question confronting them is, how is all of this passed on between animals?”

Recent Use: “Mapping animals’ brins and recording the signals between brain and the tail, scientists in California studying tailguistics were able to create TailTalks, an app for animals which lets them speak aloud in different languages.”

A Tail Tale

Both were big. Who could say which was bigger, the black and white long-haired with the damaged eye and big paws, or the heavy black short-hair with the white diamond on his chest?

Each cleared nineteen pounds on their last check, and could be over twenty now. While the long-haired had oversized paws, the house panther had tiny feet and ran with mincing steps. The long haired was Tucker. He sported a thick, long, all-black tail.

The panther was Boo. Tailless for reasons not known to his current people, he had issues. He didn’t trust other cats, other people, or loud noises, and was adverse to wind, rain, and unusual smells.

Neither liked the other. To be fair, neither liked other animals (except the small female tortie from next door, who both courted from a cautious distance), and were ready for a fight. Didn’t go looking for it, mind you, but if it came, they were stepping up to it.

Which made the moment fraught with tension.

Tucker was on a dining room chair. His long tail was hanging off the side. It swung from side to side, its tip testing the directions. Inner thoughts, perhaps about sleeping or eating (he was fond of both) seemed to occupy him, for he sat, doing nothing, looking at nothing, ears settled as though they listened to nothing.

Amber eyes wide, Boo approached from behind. Seeing the tail, he couldn’t resist. Walking up to it, he sniffed and sniffed and sniffed, moving to sniff its tip as the tail moved around.

The tail stopped moving.

Tucker’s head snapped around with realization, someone was sniffing his tail.

Boo’s head jerked up. Caught. 

Twisting around, he minced away fast on his tiny feet.

Tucker stared at the vacated space. After a few seconds, he closed his eyes.

His tail began moving around, testing new directions.

The Tale of the Tail

You ever think, what if humans had tails that stuck out of our clothing? Ever think about how our tails might form our self-image and be part of our cultural landscape, or how your tail would appear? Can you imagine how our tails might give us away by their aspect?

“He said he wasn’t interested in her, but that’s not what his tail said. It was straight up.”

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