Tag: sport

Little Things

My surgery has been over for hours. After catching up on sleep, I’m ravenous because I haven’t had food since ten last night. With a diet limited to cold soft foods, I’m eating sorbet and thinking about what I can eat.

My wife begins reading an article aloud. “Women are having problems creating intimate relationships with men because of men’s addiction to porn.” One part is about a woman asking men if they watch porn. They deny it until she shares what kind of porn she likes.

The story swerves into men spending hours in the bathroom. The writer mocks the idea that they’re having long bowel movements and mentions they probably wouldn’t be in there that long without their phones.

“They’re watching porn on their phones?” I ask.

My wife nods.

“I don’t get that. What in the world would you be able to see on that little screen?”

“I know.” My wife points at our television. “We have that big screen. I watch carefully and feel like I still miss a lot.”

“Yes, and people watch sports on their phones, too. I don’t get that. During football games, they’re always blowing up scenes to show, is the knee down? Was his toe out of bounds?”

“How do people see these things on phone screen?” my wife responds.

“Exactly.”

My wife puts her feet up and closes her eyes. It’s been a long day for her. She had to go in with me and stay for the entire surgery, then drive me home.

I finish my sorbet and wonder what to eat next that’s cold and soft and fantasize about a hot bowl of chile.

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The Boyfriend

Five things about sis-in-law’s boyfriend.

I’ve known my sister-in-law for over fifty-five years. We get along great. She’s been married three times, has two children, and has had three boyfriends that I’ve met. She’s also a successful businesswoman. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her new BF, Norm. We had learned little about him. Here are the results.

  1. A Florida resident for most of his life, he still lives there, but now in a Key West condo. Originally moved there from western Pennsylvania when he was twelve years old in 1967. We found out he lived in the same general area as me when both of us lived in Pennsylvania as boys. A year plus older, we ended up with much in common via classic rock and musical preferences, along with politics. He’s not much of a reader, but he believes, as I do, that Justified is an excellent TV show. Married twice, with a son and daughter and a granddaughter, along with four sisters.
  2. An avid golfer and fisherman, he roots for all pro sports in which Pittsburgh, PA, has a team playing. He’s almost fanatical about the Pittsburgh Steelers, which is the team I root for.
  3. Norm didn’t shy away from having a drink. Beer is his go-to preference. He doesn’t like lagers or IPAs. I introduced him to Caldera Brewing’s porters, Mogli and Pilot Rock. They happen to be two of my favorites. He declared them as excellent.
  4. He worked as a wastewater engineer in Florida, retiring after 27 years with one plant. He’s pretty passionate about it, too. He retired when he was sixty and then had triple bypass surgery.
  5. An outraged anti-Trumper, he’s been involved with the Everglades for a long time, working to keep it preserved. So he was very informed about what was going on with Alligator Alcatraz and was passionately anti Gov. ‘DeSatan’. He’s also a fan of Southpark and their brutal take on Paramount, Trump, and the right-wing.

The way that Mr Mackey is hired by ICE, his ‘orientation’, and the depiction of Kristi Noem is so bloody sharp and satirical.

We had a good time. Kept very busy but he was interested in all things Ashland and Oregon, and displayed charm and intelligence.

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