Tag: satire

Satyrda’s Wandering Political Thoughts

Welcome to another day in the Disunited States of Chaos, a nation formerly known as the United States of America. I mean, come on; suddenly the Roberts Court is making rulings that will break up the uniform understanding and application of the law. The Roberts Court has consistently ruled in favor of Trump, overturning Federal and Circuit Court rulings based on precedence and previous SCOTUS rulings. Like many things in TACO’s MAGALand, history is being pushed out the door in favor of right-wing ideology.

The DSC, as we’re now informally called in many mouths, can’t be anything but disunited and chaotic. Chaos pleases the Bully-in-Chief, PINO TACO. “Tariffs,” he shouts with a pen. “Wait, let’s put ’em on hold. No, we’ll put some of ’em on hold. We’re raise some tariffs on some nations, depending upon what colors are in their flags, but only on days of the week with an n on them, on alternating even days of the month, unless it’s a strawberry moon.”

Whenever something goes wrong for PINO TACO, he engages in swift non-sensical denunciation of shadow states, democrats — sorry, I mean LIBERAL SCUM — or SLEEPY BIDEN. “So much of this is SLEEPY JOE BIDEN’s fault because he didn’t beat me after I won the election in 2020 FAIR and SQUARE as ANYONE on the dark side of the moon will tell you.”

Part of the toxic agenda PINO TACO follows is whitewashing history, erasing contributions by anyone who isn’t as WHITE, HETEROSEXUAL, and RELIGIOUS AS HIM, and we all know that this person wholly follows and EMBRACES the Bible because he’s held it in his hand and it didn’t catch fire. But it was a Trump branded Bible, wasn’t it? Which, given TACO’s low reading abilities and skills and propensity for scamming customer, probably means his TRUMP BIBLE was probably a coloring book and not the supposed word of the White, Rich God which MAGALand embraces.

TACO’s “One, Big, Beautiful Bill” now being debated in the Senate has been ripped apart as a giveaway to the richest of the rich while shredding Medicare. He’s attacking our nation’s education system and the nation’s universities and colleges. Analysis shows the results of his attacks on the established pillars of our nation will be harshest on MAGALand’s heart, rural areas and red states who solidly voted for TACO. Yet, torching his followers is what PINO TACO gleefully presses the Greedy Ol’ Trump Party to do. It’s almost like he hates them for being stupid and enabling him. In parallel, TACO sues news outlets and which publishes information contrary to his latest declarations, often also threatening to pull their license. He reacts most virulently when the news outlet publishes TRUTH backed with FACTS. PINO TACO reacts to TRUTH and FACTS like a vampire encountering garlic.

Topping off his chaos crazed course, PINO TACO has ordered plans to sell off public lands and clawed away the proections that keep our water, air, and land from being freely polluted. He’s threatening to withhold Federal funds from states and cities led by Democrats unless they acquiesce to what PINO TACO says, all while saying he wants to return power to the states. The knob on his bullshit machine goes to eleven gazillion, far above other machines, which only go to ten.

Yet, this stomach-churning stew of denial, slander, threats, misinformation, and chaos is PINO TACO’s plan to make the DSC a stronger, more prosperous, and successful nation. Republican voters put this lunatic into power. If only they’d rememember what the GOP party founder, Abraham Lincoln told them: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

Ironically, that’s a phrase from the Bible. Mark 3:25. So you would think that everyone embracing the Bible as the mythilogical foundational guiding document for the nation would not embrace a man preaching hatred and disunity.

But then, from what we’ve seen in MAGALand, history, knowledge, and thinking mean very little.

2

T&P

Daily writing prompt
How do you practice self-care?
View all responses

For my personal self-care, I turn to America’s political leaders. Yes, just like DC’s elected denizens when disasters strike our nation, whenever something goes wrong with my health, I quickly turn to thoughts and prayers for my solutions. It’s wonderfully effective and doesn’t cost me anything! Although, there are sometimes complications. Like, when I broke some verterbrae in my neck. Despite all my thoughts and prayers, I ended up going to the medical clinic. They apparently didn’t have much faith in my thoughts and prayers, either, because they put me in a ‘halo device’ for the summer.

Other than that, oh, and when I had blocked bladder. Although I furiously prayed that my pecker would do its duty soon and gave it almost every minute of thought, I ended up in an emergency room where they fed me some meds and thrust a catheter in me. That relieved the problem, although I’ve remained on Flomax ever since.

Which was good, because I needed to turn my thoughts and prayers elsewhere. Thoughts and prayers were called for a year later when I broke several bones in my left arm. More thoughts and prayers were required for my ultra high blood pressure and then surviving COVID. Fortunately, medical authorities were there to augment my thoughts and prayers both of those times, along with when I needed surgery last year for a ruptured tendon in my ankle. I’d been tending it with plenty of thoughts and prayers but they surprisingly did very little. It does cause me some wonder about how they’re so successful with thoughts and prayers in Washington, D.C.

Now I think I need to lose some weight. I’m begun issuing a lot of thoughts and prayers that I’ll lose about twenty pounds. If that doesn’t work, I’ll probably see my PCP and go on a diet. Right now I’m going to eat some cheese. I pray that I don’t gain weight from it.

Time will tell.

0

Just A Little WTF America

It’s another GOP presentation of WTF, America, with special guest host, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

Let’s go into Trumptalk mode: Inspired by the terrible and VERY VERY BAD Idiot Trump response to protests in California and Governor Abbott’s stunningly STUPID EFFORTS to escalate violence in Texas by deploying the National Guard against Americans exercising their FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS, Gov. DeSantis is encouraging Floridians to hit other Americans with their cars!

Yep, this erstwhile Catholic Republican leader decided to channel his What Would Jesus Do instincts and say, “Jesus would just steer right into people as he flees, because Jesus always preached, keep looking out for yourself and kill others as necessary to protect yourself.”

Ron DeSantis says Floridians have right to hit protesters with cars

I’m sure Jesus would be very happy to see how his values are being deployed in the United States of ‘merica in 2025. For as Jesus said in the Sermon of the Mount, “Don’t ever turn your cheek, be a man and escalate that violence. If they spit, you hit! It’s the law and order way!”

4

Frida’s Wandering Political Thoughts

This just in:

Trump calls emptying U.S. ports a ‘good thing’ despite supply-chain panic because ‘that means we lose less money’

“We’re seeing as a result that ports here in the U.S., the traffic has really slowed and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs,” a reporter said in the press briefing.

“That means we lose less money,” Trump said. “When you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing.”

I agree with PINO Trump.

I have found that having my bank account, refrigerator, freezer, and pantry all almost empty is a good thing. Without money, I can’t buy replacement stuff for my pantry, refrigerator, and freezer. Things like food, and “eggs”, as PINO Trump likes to write it.

Having less food is so much healthier. Thanks to less food, I’m losing weight. With less food, I have less energy, so I’m sleeping more. That keeps me more sated with doing nothing, so I’m not out there, spending money, contributing to the local economy, accumulating stuff which I’d just need to get rid of. Thanks to having less money, I’m using my car less, buying less gas. With others like me also buying less gas and things, we keep prices down. Since we’re buying less, businesses are able to fire employees. That means those former employees are also buying less, staying home more often, and sleeping more. Win, win, win!

We’re also helping to save the environment. We don’t have the cash or means to go places. That keeps the air, land, and water, free from our cars’ pollutants. Since we don’t have money or energy, we also go on vacation less, further keeping the air clean of pollutants from aircraft. It all makes sense, in an Alice-in-Wonderland way that I’ve never realized before.

What a stable genius PINO Trump is. I so admire his brilliant logic.

This snark was brought to you by coffee. Coffee: it’s what’s for breakfast, and writing.

4

Thirstda’s Wandering Political Thoughts

Trump Regime Logic

“The canary in our mine has died,” the foreman reported.

“We’re not going to replace him,” the mine owner replied. “That bird was fraud, waste, and abuse. Never did anything but sit there in a cage. Useless. We’ll save hundreds of pennies by cutting that position.”

The next day, the foreman reported, “Three miners have died.”

“Good!” the mine owner enthused. “Look how much we’re saving on personnel costs. Keep up the good work.”

“All of the third shift are dead,” the foreman reported the next day. “There’s no mining going on today.”

The mine owner clapped his hand and cackled in glee. “That’s great news.”

The foreman stared at him. “How do you figure? Nothing’s being mined. Production is down.”

“Exactly,” the owner replied. “That’ll reduce supplies. With lower supplies, we can charge much more money per ton. In fact, go ahead and lay off everyone else. We’ll shut the mine down and save a fortune in overhead while we sign new deals.”

“Are you sure?” the foreman asked.

“Yes. We’ll be making so much money, you won’t believe it.” The owner’s orange face glowed with excitement. “Trust me, I’m a very stable genius. I know what I’m doing.”

3

Munda’s Wandering Thoughts

It’s as I feared: future NAZIs developed time travel.

There is evidence:

Archaeologists Unearth 2,300-Year-Old Sword Decorated With Two Small Swastikas in a Celtic Necropolis

Yes, they found a sword with a swastika. This isn’t the first time a swastika was found in the past. The cover story is that the swastika meant ‘good fortune’ before Hitler adopted it as his murderous regime’s emblem. I think NAZIs going back in time spread a tale that the swastika meant ‘good fortune’ to trick others into using it. Then the NAZIs held secret meetings to spread their hatred, prejudices, sexism, and racism. In fact, going out on a limb, I’ll wager that in some distant far, far, far, far future, we’ll learn that Adolf Hitler and Trump are related. Further, they’re both related to Darth Vader.

But Darth Vader isn’t real, cynics will protest. That’s because that’s what they want you to believe. Vader is real. He just resides in a galaxy far, far, far, far away.

As does Hitler, awaiting his time to return. If you recall, his body was burnd and buried. It was never seen by anyone but Hitler’s staff.

Remember, you read it here first.

1

Frida’s Wandering Political Thoughts

A Democratic Party insider told me who the party supports as candidate for the 2028 nominee for POTUS.

“John F. Kennedy.”

I raised a salient objection. “He’s dead. Worse, he’s been buried.”

“True, true, true.”

“You’re not talking about a clone.”

“Of course not. That’d be silly. No, we’re thinking, AI.”

“Articial Intelligence?”

“What else? Listen, if corporations are people, why can’t AI be people?”

“I need to think about that,” I answered.

“Okay, let me tell you more. See if I can convince you. What we did is create an AI that’s modeled on President John F. Kennedy’s thinking. We fed all the interviews which we could find, all his papers, speeches, books, diaries, and journals, along with biographies about him, into a quantum computer. It then developed the ability to replicate JFK’s thinking and speaking, giving us a virtual entity who is just like him. It’s uncanny. Wait until you see it.”

I was shaking my head in skepticism. “It’ll never work.”

“We think it will. He polls very well.”

“I don’t think people are ready for AI to be elected to any office.”

“No, no, turns out that almost 80 percent of likely voters who were polled said they could support AI for president. A majority of voters think that AI is more principled and intelligent than many politicians holding office or running for nomination. In fact, more people are willing to vote for AI than a woman.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, but what about his assassination over sixty years ago? Surely, that’s a drawback.”

“No, no, no. Many people have always believed that JFK wasn’t really killed, that all of that was just a fiction to get him out of office.”

“Even if they believe that, it’s six decades later. He’d be over a hundred years old. Do you really think that people will support a candidate who is over hundred years old after what we endured with Joe Biden?”

My source grinned. “We told them that JFK was cryogenically stored. He’s only fifty years old.”

“They believe that?”

“You’d be surprised what they believe. Just to seal the deal, Elvis Presley is endorsing JFK.”

“Presley?” I laughed. “He’s been dead since — “

“No, no, he wasn’t dead. He was in storage, too. Trust me. We’ve done the research. The numbers support this idea.

“Presley and Kennedy are still alive. Along with Walt Disney and Jackie O. All are alive. They’ve all just been frozen. The time has come for the truth to be told.”

My source leaned forward. “The people are ready for Camelot’s return. JFK will kick Trump’s ass. Remember, you heard it here first.”

2

Saturda’s Wandering Political Thoughts

The Trusk Regime elitests are at it again. They’ve already well-established multiple double standards.

Like, there is one set of law, justice, and order for everyone except the wealthy. There’s another for the wealthy. Now Trump and the Grand Ol’ Trump Party has established that they put themselves above the law, even the law enforcement standard meant for the wealthy. Look at Trump’s Oval Office crowing about how much money he made his cronies after his tariff pause. Tsk, tsk, tsk, the people bellowed. Isn’t that illegal insider trading? Not if you’re part of the Trusk Regime.

How ’bout that pesky law that established that the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff’s requirements. The law said the nominee must have been a vice Chief of Staff or a chief of staff, of the Air Force or Army, Commandant of the Marine Corps, or Chief, Naval Operations. Besides those rules, he the nominee was commander of unified or specified command, that was accepted.

All of those are four-star positions or higher. Trump wanted a loyalist in there, so that law and its requirements were dismissed. Yet, the compliant Congress installed the retired three-star who Trump wanted. Yeah, that’s good news.

In the latest example of do as I say, not as I do, the Trusk Regime is requiring scientists, biologists, etc., to clean restrooms. If you recall, the Trusk Regime fired 1,000 national park service employees. That was a ‘money-saving move’. That meant that there was no one around to man the gates and clean the parks and clean the restrooms. So that genius called Trump and his surrogates decreed, hey, let’s have the high-priced professionals hired for their research skills go clean the shitters.

See, I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but I haven’t seen the Trump administration doing the same. How many White House staff has been cut? Why isn’t JD Vance and Elon Reeve Musk cleaning the West Wing toilets once a month? Why doesn’t Trump order noted drinker and partier Pete Hegseth or his three-star pet, John Dan Caine, to clean the Pentagon latrines? Peter Navarro should be put to work cleaning Mar-a-Largo’s bathrooms for Trump. Kristi Noem has time to cosplay as a border patrol agent on government time; surely, she can take time to clean some toilets, too.

Or is the Trusk Regime and his minions just too elite to do such work?

2

So Hilarious

I shared this with friends. Some replied, “I wasn’t really sure this was satire. Because, you know, Trump.”

Indeedly do, we do understand. Trump can be a nutter! He often says things that prompt many of us to respond, “Whhhaaattt?” Then we embrace the task of dissecting his crazy verbiage to understand what he’s saying and then struggle to pierce the insanity for truth, logic, and reason.

LucN over at Daily Kos gave us a pitch-perfect youarthere performance of the Donald, and it is so funny, I felt it incumbent to ensure others read and enjoy it.

Trump’s plan to introduce honeybee colonies to public school cafeterias goes spectacularly awry

So, read and enjoy! Laughter is good for you, you know.

0

Thirsta’s Wandering Political Thoughts

It’s Trump’s morning in America.

“The stock market is down over fourteen hundred points,” my wife greets me.

“Hey girl,” I answer. “Good morning.”

If my wife seems gleeful about the stock market, it’s because she’s angry. Bottom line, she’s in the FAFO camp. Reads ‘The Leopard Ate My Face’ tales daily. Spoons up all those tales about Trump supporters and apologists who are now Trump victims.

Trump said he would do tariffs when he ran for POTUS in 2024. Professional economists have almost all agreed, bad, bad, bad, bad, terrible idea. Trump always thinks he knows better than everyone else. He usually doesn’t. I mean, this is the guy who bankrupted a casino.

Facts don’t matter to Trump. You knew that if you watched his tariff announcement yesterday. He displayed a chart with bogus tariff info. It shows tariffs imposed on U.S. goods. Almost all those supposed tariffs by other countries are inflated by significant amounts.

With almost no surprise, then, worldwide markets dropped after his tariffs announcement.

Some people rationalize what Trump is doing as necessary. They prophesize Trump’s tariffs will bring jobs back to the United States. Factories will spring up like mushrooms after a rain across the nation. And those factories won’t use robotics, as many modern factories do. No, they will employ human, American workers. Even though the U.S. must import many of the raw and finished materials used in modern products, imported materials which will be high-priced due to Trump tariffs, those goods produced in these new factories will be amazingly cheap because they’re made in the U.S.A. There won’t be any profit taking and price gouging, because that’s not how corporations work in the United States. And the workers in those factories will be magnificently compensated for their hourly labor because companies in the United States are known to generously pay hourly employees. Why, it’ll be the greatest economy ever!

If you believe all that, I have an automobile manufacturing plant in Ashlandia to sell you.

4

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑