The Floof Commandments

The Floof Commandments (floofinition) – 1. The list of instuctions/guidance people give to animals about they want the animals to do, or not to do.

In use: “Whenever he let a cat out, he issued the Floof Commandments to be safe, be smart, stay out of the street and watch out for cars and trucks, don’t fight, stay close, and keep back soon.”

2. The instructions/guidance animals provide to people about what they want people to do, or not to do, and what the animals expect to be permitted to do.

In use: “The cat had firmly issued the Floof Commandments when she arrived: when you sit, she’ll take your lap (unless you’re on the computer, in which case, she wants the keyboard), the bed is hers (but if you’re nice, you can share it), all food belongs to her, and you’d better keep paying attention to her…or else!”

Floofstriction

Floofstriction (floofintion) 1. Limitations imposed by living with an animal.

In use: “Floofstrictions included being careful where he stepped (hairballs might have been distributed in the night) and the standard order of morning activity; after using the bathroom to void his bladder, feeding the furry ones was job one, ‘cuz they were going to campaign for food until he did.”

2. Rules for what animals, particularly housepets, are allowed do do.

In use: “She imposed floofstrictions: no sleeping on the sofa or easy chairs, no stealing food from plates, no drinking water from the toilet or people’s glasses, floofstrictions which were routinely broken. “Why do I bother?” she always lamented. “Yes, why?” the pets, husband, and children agreed.”

 

Floofductive

Floofductive (floofinition) – measures taken to reduce or control a dog or cat’s run of the house.

In use: “She used floofductives such as stern orders that the cat cannot jump onto the table or counter, and the dog could not sit on the sofa, but sometimes she came home to discover evidence that both events took place while she was away.”

Rules

He believed in following rules, and had one for everything. Rules helped expedite life by reducing the time and energy needed to think about things, freeing him to relax. His number one rule was not to get close to anyone or to have a pet. Number two was, only wash items he felt like folding.

He ended up buying a lot of clothes, and was forced to create a rule that he would buy only used clothing. Others didn’t seem to understand, but then, they were operating under a different set of rules.

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