Floofogony
Floofogony (floofinition) – 1. An account of floofs’ origins on Earth. Origins: Poem of 1022 lines by Floofsiod, written about 1026 BCE.
In Use: “Few humans have been granted access to the Floofogony, a document which is precious to animals and kept in the Fortress of Floofitude in an undisclosed place which is said to exist in an area of Earth inaccessible to humans.”
Recent Use: “Although many societies offer greater recognition that animals are not dumb and do have feelings and are capable of more intelligence than previously credited, the idea of a document such as the Floofogony is usually roundly mocked.”
2. Anguish of any sort felt about the loss of an animal or an animal’s situation. Origins: middle-english, first known use in fourteenth century.
In Use: “When their dog raced out of the yard after his bath, immediate floofogony was felt by all the family members even as they scrambled to put on their shoes, get in the car and find her.”
Recent Use: “With the Internet showing more about animals across the spectrum helping one another or asking humans for help, more people experience floofogony as they read stories or watch videos about animals being dumped, abused, or in need of medical intervention after accidents.
Floofdischronia
Floofdischronia – (floofinition) Mental condition which causes people to lose time to spending time learning about animals or interacting with animals. Origins: Greece, 1671.
In Use: “Greek doctors responded to a crises of economy by examining how humans and floofs engaged and soon found that animals exerted a hypnotic hold on many people of a certain disposition, causes sch individuals to forget about time or deliberately ignore it to stay with animals, a condition which the labeled floofdischronia.
Recent Use: “The pandemic hitting U.S. shores in 2020 brought a precipitous rise in floofdischronia for several years, even impacting the U.S. economy as people chose to quit working to stay home with their pets.”
Après-petting Cleaning (APC)
Après-petting Cleaning (APC) (floofinition) – The fur cleaning required after a human touching a floof’s fur after the floof has just finished cleaning it. Origins: US, derived from French. First use observed in 1960.
In Use: “Barney had just finished cleaning his fur and was settling in for a nap when Meg came him, saw him, and came over, burying her face in his side’s fur as she covered him with smooches, forcing Barney into a vigorous après-petting cleaning.”
Recent Use: ‘Carla’s Instagram account is a popular place, with many people tuning in to see what her cats are doing, especially when she forces them into après-petting cleaning by touching the cats on their backs while saying, “Doink.”‘
Cogfloofscente
Cogfloofscente (floofinition) – A person who has expert knowledge of an animal or group of animals. Origins: borrowed from Italian with roots in Latin cogfloofōscere. First use observed in 1786.
In use: “Insperable from one another, Naia was a cogfloofscente of Lucky, claiming to know everything the floof’s expression showed and understand every sound the animal made.”
In use: “Familiar with routines, habits, and predilections, Corvette was a cogfloofscente of his family of humans and their close friends, taking advantage of them to get treats, belly rubs, and laps.”
Recent use: “In the first year of COVID sheltering-in-place guidance, many people and their floofs became cogfloofscente of the others, recognizing not just what made the other happy or upset, but also effectively comforting the other.”
Obsfloofscat
Obsfloofscat – (floofinition): A view or situation confused or obscured by an animal’s presence or behavior. Origins: borrowed from Late Latin, first observed in use in 1536.
In Use: “Awakening, Skylar wanted to see the time, but the view was obsfloofscatted by Norman, a large Maine Coon in his prime, resting on her chest, his bushy black tail across her face.”
Recent Use: “An online video showed a cat, dog, and broken plant, with dirt and plant spread around the room. The animals’ expression obsfloofscatted the guilty party’s identity as both animals’ fur was absolutely clean.”
Infloofcapitate
Infloofcapitate (floofinition) – To be disabled by an animal. Origins: 1660s, Old French and Middle English, first noted widespread use in Britain.
In use: “Many people with pets often find themselves infloofcapitated when they sit down at a computer as a household pet horns in to either be part of whatever’s happening, or trying to stop activities that takes attention away from themselves.”
In use: “When she went down for her nap on the sofa, the household managerie joined her, infloofcapitating her and extending what was to be a twenty minute respite into almost two hours.”
Recent use: “During COVID era Zoom meetings with people working from home, the Internet was enriched with tales of pets showing up. floofrupting meetings and infloofcapitating people.”
Gerfloofious
Gerfloofious (floofinition) – Humans or animals fond of the company of animals. Origins: 1660s (Latin), from ‘gerx’ – flock or gathering. Initial use of the word was to reference people who ‘gathered in herds to celebrate or learn’ but the meaning gradually shifted to its modern definition and was widely used as such by the early nineteen hundreds.
In use: “Mouse was usually taciturn or withdrawn around people but encountering animals, he became a gerfloofious socialite.”
In use: “Learning that their youngest child, Davy, was austistic, Lori and her family often struggled with his angry outbursts and lashing out, but when animals came into the household, his demeanor shifted and he became a gerfloofious individual, displaying characteristics and personality that they’d never witnessed heretofore in him, boosting their hope for the manner of life he could lead.”
Recent use: “When Meerkat Manor began airing in 2005, the gerfloofious meerkats quickly charmed many people, turning viewers into peri-addicts to see what happened next to Flower, Tosca, Shakespeare, and the rest.”
Proof
Lily has it right; floofs are more relaxed and superior, and waaayyyy smarter than us puny humans.
Hallfloofcinate
Hallfloofcinate (floofinition) – To affect with visions of animals or imaginary perceptions of an animal’s presence.
In Use: “Folks who think they spotted an animal only to not see it again likely did not hallfloofcinate but instead glimpsed a floof traveling via quantum portals.”
In Use: “When a pet hallfloofcinates by leaping up and staring, listening intently or even growling, their people are often freaked out and worried that something is in the house.”
Recent Use: “Atlas frequently hallfloofcinated — or seemed to — leaping up and growling with stiff hackles, but no matter how many times this happened, Suzanne was compelled to get a baseball bat to protect herself and lock the door to whatever room she was in.”
Michael Seidel, writer 