The Heart-Attack Dream
It began with me in bed, at night. Pain was rushing through me. I couldn’t see nor hear correctly. I thought, I’m having a heart attack.
No one else seemed present. The heart attack would come and go in waves. I tried calling for help but couldn’t. I decided that I’d work through it by thinking of what I was feeling and experiencing, and then countering those things with my mind. That seemed to work, as the pain faded and the heart attack passed.
The lights came on. A large spider, I’d say two feet tall, was to my left. I acknowledged its presence and left the room.
I’d survived, I decided. Outside the bedroom, in another room, were my wife, a few friends, and a dead cousin. As I looked around, familiarization flowed in. I knew where I was. We need to go home, I announced to the rest. They talked about this, objecting, how are we to do that?
But, I judged, the weather isn’t bad, so I’m walking. It’s only a few miles and it won’t take long.
They didn’t believe that I was serious. Shrugging them off, I left. My wife and a few others joined me.
The road was a rough, one-lane, dirt and gravel road that rose, fell, and wound through sparsely populated, wooded countryside. As we went, we’d see a car coming, call out, “Car,” and then step off the road until it passed. Impatient to continue my journey, I announced that I’m running.
At that point, I realize that I had a foot injury and had been limping. I thought, I’ll have to push myself through my foot’s pain and stiffness. Behind me, the others said, “He’s not serious, he’s not going to run.” But I started running, gritting my teeth against my pain. Soon I found a stride.
The others started running behind me, but I was well ahead. Seeing the road, I’d call, “Car,” as a warning to them, and step aside until the car had passed us all, and then resume running.
I reached home. Uncles were there. They offered me wine, but it was white wine and I turned them down. Dad arrived with a girlfriend. He offered me some white wine, but I turned him down. I wanted some wine, though. I was getting ready to go somewhere.
Passing into another room, I saw Dad’s girlfriend asleep in the living room. I went into the adjacent kitchen. I found a bottle of white wine but kept looking for red wine. As I didn’t find anything except white wine I thought, maybe I will drink some.
Dad came in. While talking to me, he produced a bottle of white wine in a light green bottle in a clear plastic bag, like a gallon-storage bag, and showed it to me. It’d been opened, but had a cork put back into place. “That’s what you’re drinking?” I asked. When he said that he was, and offered me some, I answered, “Well, pour me a glass, I guess.”
As he did, his girlfriend awoke in the other room. She came in and introduced herself to me, which annoyed Dad. We talked for a few minutes. Then we talked about cars, and who was using what car.
The dream ended.
Friday’s Theme Music
“‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.”
It’s an old cliché. I think I’ve seen it in movies multiple times.
I was thinking all that yesterday when a character said that. Another character said, “Cliché,” and the third character said, “Three Days Grace, “Pain”, 2007.”
I gave the character help, looking the date up for him. He’s supposed to know these things, but he came up short (cliché!). I always think Three Days Grace could be a rock group from the previous century. Well, honestly, that’s when they started, so, it fits.
becomes an ache
an ache grows into a throb
the throb develops as a relentless pain
becomes a fear
the fear grows into a concern
the concern develops as a constant worry
becomes a visit
the visit grows into a routine of meds
the meds develop as a constancy of life
becomes a bore
the bore grows into apathy
the apathy develops as a decision
becomes a moment
the moment grows into a goal
the goal develops as an ending
Monday’s Theme Music
Not an uplifting song, but one that inspires a sense of hope. “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. came out in 1992. It works as a vehicle for when you’re down and suffering, when the shit’s gone wrong, and you’ve hit the bottom, and you’re ready to start climbing back up again.
Knowing someone was about to die, and not knowing, but having someone die unexpectedly, made little difference to him, he discovered. The death was a loss he felt, regardless of how much the other’s death was anticipated.
Nor did the quantity of tears shed reflect the pain he felt.