He sighs when he wakes up, realizing it’s another day, and sighs when he gets out of bed, stands, and sits, motions stiff with pain. Sighs slip out as he makes his meals and eats them, and as he reflects on his life. Sighs accompany every task, as if his world is filled with strife. Sighing, he works hard to do what he can, trying to get by, contemplating his death, sighing, holding on, and trying to stay alive.
Drum Roll
Do you ever seem to wait literally forever (right, no hyperbole or exaggeration here) for something like pizza or an ATM delivering your cash, so you begin a drum roll, because it seems apropos?
No? Is it just me, then? Are you implying that I’m impatient?
Undeterred
Went out to cut the grass. It started raining. I hustled my equipment into the garage and went into the house. Looking out, I saw the rain stop. The clouds parted and let blazing sunlight through. Went back out to cut the grass. The skies darkened. Drops began falling.
Refusing to be deterred by the weather, I went back into the house, opened a bottle of wine, and poured a glass. Then I went out onto the covered porch and watched the rain-shine show.
See, I wasn’t deterred. I adjusted. When life gives you lemons, open a bottle of wine.
There I Go
Got my special space
at the special place
checking out the people
thinking what a waste
but for God and grace
there I go
Been lucky again
just like I always been
living life like it’s a mortal sin
I’ve always had an in
because of love and kin
and here I am
here I am
on the top
of the bottom
there I go
thinking I have problems
here I am
working the middle
there I go
again and again
you say
he’s such a waste
no style or grace
what’s the matter with him?
but that’s not the truth
you don’t know what he’s been through
thinking that he’s just like you
there you are
on the top
of the bottom
there you go
thinking you have no problems
here you are
working the middle
there you go
again and again
Before Time Lies
Before time lies
and says you died
and that maybe you never were
find the sun
and get things done
stroke a cat and feel a purr
look into yourself
for what you want to be
and how you want to live
before time lies
and says time to die
and you find that it’s the end
When
He doesn’t remember the days
he went from being remarkable to unnoticed
loved to unwanted
cherished to forgotten
he was just another human sliding down the spectrum of life
Perfumed
The perfume of you and I
still intertwines
with the thoughts of what we doing
what we meant to say
before we went away
left me wondering who we think we’re fooling
we never talk
and stay distant in our walks
with a feeling that something’s brewing
it never boils and never perks
but it’s always there, it always lurks
I think our love is cooling
PINS and Needles
Approaching the ATM, I process a mental flowchart. Which account am I using today? What PIN is required? There’s a line, so I wait, but while waiting, I begin to doubt that I’ve remembered the correct PIN for this account. I start going through PINs and their applications. Some were based on phone numbers, prompting recall of the whole telephone number and where I lived then, triggering memory of the address and where I worked, and my office number, further driving me from certainty that I have the right number, and suddenly opening up a memory chasm which swallows the PIN I’m supposed to be using, launching me into panic about the fucking PIN number – number is redundant, you idiot – and then it’s my turn and I step up and remember —
And then it’s all good. All that worrying was for naught.
Choices
You ever face a challenge to your desires, you know, like sitting down and privately writing (i.e., indulging in the fantasies and stories populating (or polluting) your mind) and face up to something that forces you to think, “Okay, I have to do the right thing and do this?”
Yes, it’s not really win-win. You’ve helped someone else, which is good, but you’re resentful of the encroachment on your priorities and plans. Then, you know, you go through that whole thinking process about what happened, what you did, and the interruption.
Well, maybe it’s just me. I frustrate myself with my choices. I guess it’s just a moral imperative that was planted too long ago to ignore.
Anchors
You ever think about someone who passed, and realized that although you rarely saw them, they were an anchor, someone who moored the foundations of your life, and although little has physically changed in your life with their passing, everything is different, because one of your mooring anchors is gone?
Michael Seidel, writer 