Trump is doing so damn good, it’s incredible! Certainly the most amazing thing any of us have ever witness in the history of the entire world.

Yes, Trump is doing great — as long as you ignore a lot of the economy. Prices have gone up since he’s taken over, but inflation is dropping a little. So if you ignore those prices and focus on the declining inflation, Trump is doing great — and so are we!

Except, well — okay, you also need to ignore the July jobs report, and, um, the jobs reports for every month that Trump has been in the Oval Office since January of 2025. Those numbers are not good, but — here’s the good news which you need to focus on — unemployment is still down and a little lower than before. Of course, that’s because there are less people working — but if you just ignore that, the employment picture is rosier than ever!

Although, in order to conclude that Trump is doing great, we will need to forget that he promised no new wars. But those were just words, am I right?

We’ll need to pretend that Trump didn’t attack Iran, driving prices UP FOR EVERYTHING. We’ll also need to adjust our thinking so that it doesn’t look like Iran is dragging us over the coals, or that Trump said the war that isn’t a war which he started in February and claimed would last just a few weeks isn’t going on for over six months and burning through military resources.

Also, to support the reality that Trump is doing great, we’ll need to, ah, ignore the national debt, and how much we’re borrowing to pay that off. I mean, if we start thinking about that! Well — ha, ha — Trump isn’t really doing that great, but if we IGNORE that, then things are SUPER under Trump.

Also, proving how great everything is under Trump — except measles outbreaks — yikes! — which used to be almost eliminated but is now at some kind of high we haven’t seen in decades in the United States — but ignore that, please. Proving how great everything is under Trump, even Trump says it’s going great! He says his poll numbers are really terrific.

His poll numbers certainly are great — well, if you discount over half of the Independent voters, almost all Democrats, and a quarter of Republicans. Also, ignore young voters — three quarters of them disapprove of Trump — and Latino voters, as almost three quarters of them also disapprove of Trump.

Also, umm, over half of mothers with young children disapprove of Trump and the job he’s doing, so don’t talk to them, ha, ha! Along with Gen Z women, who disapprove of Trump more than any other age group! In fact, overall, over sixty percent of women don’t approve of Trump, so…you know…

Other than those small groups, Trump is doing great. And so are we!

I must say, Trump also looks so good — well, if you overlook his apparently obesity — and I wouldn’t want to body shame him — and his posture, skin, and hair — and that wig! — and the way he walks — but let’s not go there. If we overlook all of that, you gotta admit, he looks pretty…um…fair.

For an old, tired, rich white guy.