Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
I queried Bing’s AI about catfood this morning. I read Gulp by Mary Roach. In it, she mentioned (that I recall) that catfood doesn’t taste like we think it does, especially to us, but also to cats. I decided to ask Bing’s AI. Didn’t impress me. Here you go.
Microsoft updated his computer. He supposed it was a good thing. Needed to repair security holes, misfiring features, and add new stuff.
Took so long, though. Bricked his computer for almost half an hour. He watched as it went through the process, shut down, and then started again.
Nothing worked after he logged in but the task manager said the machine was busy. He rebooted.
Everything came up. Now the experience would really go live. What would be broken, moved, added, relocated?
Updates were usually a trying experience. It was really just more first world blues, though.
She sat at a coffee shop table a dozen feet away, alone, attractive, maybe thirty, so he watched, a voyeur.
She probably knew but didn’t look. Setting her small black purse down, she opened it and took out a phone. An Apple laptop followed.
He gawked. Purse that small, little circular thing with a gold chain, couldn’t hold anything that big. That purse was like a TARDIS.
She drew out a power cord. A hardback book followed. Bottle of water.
No way, he told himself, no way. All that stuff from that purse wasn’t possible, and yet, he knew what he saw.
Looking up, she gazed at him with electric blue eyes and smiled.
Like she knew exactly what he was thinking.
Stripping down to shower, he tossed his dirty undies on the floor to be taken to the hamper. The cat immediately marched over, sniffed the garment, and sat down on it. A purr boomed out.
Liked he claimed a major prized.
Night came with silence
But then there was a sound
Something cracking hard
Like a window coming down.
Atlas leaped to investigate
And then froze in the spot
It could be something dangerous
And that meant a lot.
But still he had a duty
To protect his furless folks
So he would do as needed
Because his duty was not a joke.
So boldy, inch by inch,
Atlas sniffed and advanced
Till he came to the danger
And finally could relax.
For it wasn’t a burglar
Nor a killer or a mouse
Just the ghost of an old friend, Titan,
A dog who once lived in the house.
He needed to iron a shirt. Short sleeve. Cotton. Button up.
Been so long since he’d ironed a shirt. Used to do it almost every day in the military and quite often when he was in marketing. New materials and different work activities and standards had lessened requirements to iron.
He was still using their thirty-year-old iron. Why not? It works. He figured smart irons have finally arrived, though what a smart iron would do, he doesn’t know. Probably robot irons have arrived, too, just give it the shirt and it’ll know what to do. But he had to manually do it, setting up the little board and then plying seams, collar, yoke, sleeves, and most treacherous of all for him, the placket with steam and heat to make it all look unwrinkled.
After all that, he didn’t wear the shirt. Oh, well. It’d be ready for next time.
Martin was in a glorious mood. Winter seemed to have finally left the area. Sunshine ruled. Unlimited blue sky. The air smelled different. Fresher. Cleaner.
He liked how things were going. Thick described him – legs, chest – which was also deep – arms, neck. Everyone thought of him as a bear without the violence, a slumbering bear, his first ex described him in college. Other than hair drawing back from his forehead and a thick mustache and goatee, he looked much like the man he was forty years before.
His house was finished. He’d moved in and it was beginning to feel like home. Lot couldn’t be replaced from the loss, but life, you know? Heard from daughter. She and her children were safe, great news. Cherry on dessert was his night of passion. Been a long time since one of those.
Seeing his fornicating partner coming toward him launched a big grin. She hugged him. “Hello, how are you, Martin?”
“Hey Cindy, long time, no see.” A joke. He leaned in and planted a big wet one.
Cindy snapped back. “Whoa, Martin, what the hell? We’re old friends but that was a little over the top.” She was wiping her mouth. “No offense, but I’m not interested.”
Martin stepped back and drew up, looming over her by a foot. “Hold up. We did the nasty three times last night and this morning. The last one was just over five hours ago, and a little kiss upsets you? Seriously, really? I guess I read too much into it. Forgive me.”
She was staring. “Did the nasty? In what reality did we do the nasty?”
Pieces acquired new meanings. Fresh air. How it smelled. Sunshine. His safe daughter. “Damn.”
He was in a different reality. Episode number twenty. Real mystery was when it happened. Why, of course. “Sorry, Cindy. My sincere apologies.”
“That’s okay. I forgive you.”
“Will you indulge me and tell me, who is President?”
“President?” Cindy laughed. “Man, you are in another world.”
Getting Wordle in two moves engenders a sensational feeling of luck and success. Two days in a row pump you up. But three? Man, capture that feeling and sell it in bottles. WordleBot was generous — 99 for skill, 99 for luck.
Her car needed its gas tank filled. They devised a plan. Run errands — mail bills, drop off the utilities payment, pick up some needed items at the grocery store, drop off her top to return it — the color wasn’t at all like the blue depicted in the photo online — and get gas for her car.
Going by order of direction, the gas station was first. He pulled in and headed for the pump.
“No, go to the other pumps, the filler cap is on this side,” she said from the passenger seat.
“No,” he retorted, glancing at the gage. “Look at the arrow. It’s this side.”
“No, it’s on this side,” she answered. “They won’t do it on the other side. It has to be on the same side as the pump.”
“Which is this side.”
Silence fell as she looked at the gage. He clapped his hands and burst out laughing, then she said, “Oh my God, we brought the car,” and threw herself back with laughter.
Of course, it was so funny to them, she had to call friends and share.
Michael Seidel, writer 