Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofwrangling (floofinition) – 1. To herd, gather, or care for animals, especially pets.
In use: “Fostering kittens and puppies turned Sara into a floofwrangling expert, but her latest little demons were the most energetic and clever clowder she’d ever had.”
2. Arguing with an animal.
In use: “Mara was forced into daily floofwrangling with her Dobie over absolutely everything because the boy was smart and delighted in vexing her, which, ironically, was exactly why she loved him.”
Kankfloofdort (floofinition) – An awkward or embarrassing situation involving an animal.
In use: “Grace was in the middle of secretly giving treats to the scamperbeasts in the kitchen when in walked her dog. A kankfloofdort unfolded as Bear took in the treats and the munching cats, and then stared at her with hurt brown eyes.”
Abfloofdicate (floofinition) – To yield or surrender to an animal’s wishes, desires, or intentions.
In use: “Whenever her dog presented Bob with his tilted head, floppy ears, silly grin gaze, Bob abfloofdicated, saying, “Just tell me what you want,” because he knew that resistance was a joke.”
Flooftinnabulation (floofinition) – A tinkling or crashing sound associated with animals.
In use: “Hearing a noise from the bedroom, Keri assumed it was a flooftinnabulation — because Jade was in a mood — of course, as always, because she’s a cat and a queen and bored — caused by the little tabby going along, knocking everything off the dresser again.”
Idiot Floofvant (floofinition) – Person who is highly knowledgeable about one animal or species but knows little about other animals or species.
In use: “Having lived with thirteen cats over the last five decades (and friends with a dozen more), Michael acknowledged he’s an idiot floofvant who knows cats and that’s it.”
Floof Fog (floofinition) – Human mental condition when worries or activities involving an animal prevents them from thinking of, doing, or recalling other matters.
In use: “She had a list of things to do but succumbed to floof fog when she sat down to read a book and the cat jumped up and joined her. Floof fog set in and the two were soon snuggling and asleep.”
Flooftalk (floofinition) – 1. Speaking done by animals.
In use: “The dog, cat, and birds engaged in flooftalk — the fish may have been saying something, too, for they were avidly eyeing the scene from inside their aquarium — but Brenda had no idea of the topic, looking for intruders and seeing nothing, even as she asked the animals, “What is it? What are you guys talking about?” Like most flooftalk which she overheard, she never learned what was being discussed.”
2. Imperfect or altered manner of speech people use in addressing animals.
In use: ‘Her dog greeted her with a polite bark and heavy tail wagging. “Did you miss me, boy?” Jill replied in flooftalk, bending to pet the pug. “Who’s a good dog? Who’s a pretty dog?”‘
3. Conversations about animal health and behavior, or about observations regarding animals.
In use: “A flooftalk broke out every evening as Mitchell shared with Kevin the latest humorist episode of their foster cats.”
He always bought her earrings when he traveled. He thought she would like some dangling seaglass ones with a smalls silver hoop. Arriving home, he carefully added it to the collection. Someday he’d meet her, and he’d watch her eyes when he gave her the earrings.
He was certain she’d have beautiful eyes.
The phone rang. It was about a pie.
Not just any pie. Apparently Costco offered a pie which weighed almost five pounds. What? Peanut butter and chocolate, it sold out fast.
Friends had gone to an early doctor’s appointment. After that, they made it to Costco at its opening time. One rushed back to the pies. Only four of these remained.
They called his wife. Tell Mikey — their pet name for him — to come over and get a piece of pie. He needs to try it. He’d not heard of it but his wife convinced him to go. They cut him a large piece because the thought he had a big appetite. He ate part of the piece after dinner.
Yes, chocolate. A mousse, it seemed like. But also peanut butter. Both flavors were distinct. Good crust, too, but man was that bugger sweet.
As sweet was that his friends thought of him and wanted him to have a piece.
Very, very sweet.
Michael Seidel, writer 