It’s a first for me. Today’s coffee shop crew is all male. I’ve seen all-female crews several times. As I wrote, this is a first. Wondered if it was planned, a response to females noting that there’s often all-female crews, or just happenstance of the schedule. I suspect the last one.
Floofsicle
Floofsicle (floofinition) – Animal who is very cold. Origins: early 2000s, worldwide web.
In Use: “One thing Marta learned early about Felix was that he didn’t like the cold, and would do anything to avoid becoming a floofsicle, from climbing under her bed covers to sleep against her at night, to trying to sit on top of the wood-burning stove, scaring her every time.”
Recent Use: “Severe cold weather often brings stories of floofsicles being saved by other animals or by people, such as the news article from 2019 telling about a black kitten rescued from freezing conditions, or the time a dog was found in freezing weather protecting orphaned kittens.”
Omnifloof
Omnifloof (floofinition) – An animal who seems to be everywhere. Origins: 1598, from Medieval Latin.
In Use: “Once escaped from their nursery, the kittens were omnifloofs, ambushing each other in the living room, cavorting down hallways, exploring the bathroom, but mostly, sizing up humans and inspecting what they were up to.”
Recent Use: “His cat had become an omnifloof. He’d see him sleeping in the living room, then enter the laundry room and find him chowing down kibble there, and then enter the bathroom and see him sitting on the rug. Instead of one cat, it felt like he had five, and they were everywhere!” From The Magic Floof.
Floofadverse
Floofadverse (floofinition) – Persons or places who are unwelcoming to animals.
In Use: “Despite being public places designed to enjoy nature, parks are often floofadverse, without irony posting signs declaring that ‘no animals’ or ‘no dogs’ are allowed in the park.”
In Use: “One of the apartment building’s other inhabitants was hugely floofadverse, screaming that the tiny gray cat was the devil and on the verge of attacking her, even though the six-pound animal was six feet away and cowering from her screaming.”
Recent Use: “With the rise of service animals, many establishments in the U.S. are relaxing their floofadverse stances, although they frequently had to deal with health and safety regulations which prohibited animals.”
Wednesday’s Wandering Thoughts
He was busy typing at the coffee shop when a young woman approached. He’d been observing her as part of everyone in his orbit, just tracking people and their behavior, wary of anyone becoming a threat. Call it habit or training, it remained as a leftover from his military career.
“Excuse me,” she said, “but I have what probably will sound like a strange question.”
“Why are you bothering me?” he bellowed. No, not really; instead, he said, still typing, “Yes?”
“I need to go back out to my car because I forgot something, but I want to save this table.”
“So?” he roared. “What’s this to do with me, you puny human?” But he didn’t do that. He just tilted his head and typed.
“So I was wondering if I might borrow your hat to put on this table to save it.”
“How dare you disturb me with such insolence. No, you may not have my hat,” he retorted. “Don’t touch it.”
In reality, he kept typing, nodded once, and answered, “Yes, go ahead.”
He was still typing when she returned ten minutes later. Moving his hat from the saved table to his location, she said, “Thank you.”
Continuing to type, he replied, “You’re welcome.”
Then she went off to a different table.
He stopped table and watched, wondering, why did she change tables?
Was it something he said?
Mileage
My floofy, Tucker, is a mix of long and short black and white fur. Thought a passionate and diligent groomer, he easily mats, so I have a routine of brushing him every night, which he loves, of course: the attention, the brush, oh, the purrs.
Despite all that, he frequently drops clumps of fur as he walks around the house. Watching him ten a dozen steps, I discovered three clumps of fur left on the floor behind him.
Poor thing. Only gets four steps per clump, but he’s a big boi. Your floof’s mileage will vary.
Whipperfloofer
Whipperfloofer (floofinition) – An animal who is floofsumptuous and does not follow norms nor expectations. Origins: Middle fourteenth century, Middle Floof, from Anglo-Floof.
In Use: “Shocking the establish dog, who was used to being the alpha beast, the whipperfloofer took over his bed and basically ignored him when he ordered them to leave.”
In Use: “The three puppies were shy at first but quickly demonstrated they were whipperfloofers, bounding around the room like spirited winds and taking over every inch of furniture within the hour.”
Recent Use: “A man shared a video of a whipperfloofer entering his house, look around, and decide this was their place.”
Floofpetition
Floofpetition (floofinition) Competing among animals to win favor, treats, or rewards. Origins: Unknown, first noted use in 21st century.
In Use: “The cat and dog got along but always indulged in floofpetition for their people’s attention. The cat always won because, although about five times larger than the cat, the dog had a much sweeter disposition.”
Recent Use: “Tough to say where the greatest floofpetition between the house floofs came — during Battle for the Lap, You Got Treats, or Game of Floofs.”
Love This
Trump — who didn’t build the great wall he claimed he would, who didn’t have a new healthcare plan even though he kept promising to reveal it in two weeks, who has a lengthy string of failed businesses behind him — well, you know who he is by now and his character — roiled the world with another pompous claim, this time that he could have negotiated a compromise — a deal — that would have avoided the American Civil War. Mind you, multiple deals had already been negotiated, but face it, keeping people as goods, and torturing and raping them was not sustainable in the emerging ethos of the period.
But this cartoon captures Trump’s mind at work on the issue better than anything I could write here.
The Power of Coffee
I probably mentioned it before, but my first sip of coffee is actually two or three deep inhalations of the aroma. I’ve done this more or less since I began drinking coffee as a young adult, but the idea was solidified as a ritual when I read that coffee’s smell enhances focus, memory, and attention span. Figuring I needed whatever advantage I could dredge up, I embraced my ritual.
I imagine that some day, I’ll be older, and sharing that with strangers in coffee shops. But not today.
Michael Seidel, writer 