Tag: humor

Flooace

Flooace (floofinition) 1. A person who is not an animal expert or but is knowledgeable about animals from experience. Origins: Internet era circa 2003 in this meaning, a combination of floof and ace.

In Use: “Growing up with dogs and cats — her mother’s cat slept with her from the day she was brought home, engendering some mild, amused jealousy in Mom that Marla had stolen her cat — made Marla a flooace by the time she was fifteen. Everyone thought she would be a vet, but she instead went into politics because she’d decided that the world needed to change and she was the one who was going to do it.”

Recent Use: “People post lost or found animals on Nextdoor, and flooaces get online to offer opinions in the comments sections about what to do to resolve the problem.”

2. The locations where animals like to stay or rest. Origins: Text messages first noted in 2019, created from joining floof and place.

In Use: “Tucker’s go-to flooace is under the dining room table when Michael isn’t home, but on Michael’s desk, chair, or computer, when Michael is home and on his computer.”

In Use: “Being a large dog, the Maxinator enjoyed the kingsized bed in the master suite as his flooace, but the rules said he wasn’t allowed in there, so he had to go to his secondary location, on his huge bed by the family room patio door.”

Recent Use: “Some cats, such as Marley — yes, named after the dog in the book and movie — like to find the most unusual flooace to sleep, like it’s a competition to upstage other floofs.”

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Infloofcerate

Infloofcerate (floofinition) – 1. To confine an animal. Origins: 1575, in general use.

In Use: “Many people fostering young animals such as kittens or puppies infloofcerate them at first until they’re more developed, comfortable, and aware.”

In Use: “Whenever guests came over, Barb infloofcerated Chet because he was such an energetic, inquisitive, and social fellow, jumping on guests, furniture, and counters to better involve himself.”

Recent Use: “Cam systems have become a regular tool for folks when they infloofcerate, allowing them to track the animals and ensure they stay healthy, comfortable, and safe.”

2. To be trapped or imprisoned by an animal.

In Use: Whenever Kat sat, she was quickly infloofcerated as pets found her and claimed spaces on and around her, limiting her ability to shift, let off moving.”

Recent Use: “Jorge’s pizza was inflooferated as soon as he opened the box as his tiny new kitten, Forester, immediately grabbed a piece by the crust and stood in the pizza’s middle, refusing to cede his spoils.”

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Floonergy

Floonergy (floofinition) – 1. The animation, action, and movement demonstrated by animals. Origins: 1974, United States.

In Use: “A pile of puppies’ floonergy can overwhelm many households; having children on hand to watch and play with them is a good counterstrategy.”

In Use: “The cat demonstrated huge levels of floonergy as a kitten, accepting every challenge to climb curtains, take over the ceiling fan, and lounge in a room’s tallest places, and she kept that same floonergy until her middle teens, impressing everyone.”

Recent Use: “Videos of pets demonstrating their floonergy permeate the net, where viewers marvel over animals galloping around a house and leaping over furniture.”

2. Calming influence cast by animals over others.

In Use: “Reaching home, Carmel immediately removed her shoes and sat down. Her cats joined her, spreading their relaxing floonergy over her and extinguishing her work weariness.”

Recent Use: “Although a huge dog, Master G radiated a peaceful floonergy which immediately relaxed those in the same room.”

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Flooftuseness

Flooftuseness (floofinition) Individual or organization who struggle to comprehend the importance of treating animals kindly, or human’s loving relationships with animals. Origins: 16th century, Europe

In Use: “One obvious sign of flooftuseness is when a person says to another person worrying about their fur friend, ‘What’s the big deal? It’s just an animal.'”

In Use: “Cementing her decision to separate from Derrick, who was showing himself to be less than the ideal mate than first impressions, was when Derrick refused to stop to help an injured animal because he wanted to reach home to watch an NBA game, a flooftuseness which Karin would not accept.”

Recent Use: “Donald Trump, Jr., proudly and consistently displayed his flooftuseness by going on hunting trips and then proudly showing his ‘trophies’ on social media.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Ever go into someplace and smell something that is almost nasty or appalling? You can’t quite ID it but you look around, thinking, wondering, is that me or something in here? Then you hope, of course, that it’s not you.

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Flooftrigue

Flooftrigue (floofinition) – Secret or underhanded floofinations done by animals. Origins: 1676, France.

In Use: “Nobody could understand how the kittens were escaping their safe room every day until a camera was installed and caught the flooftrigue as the Retriever sniffed the door and then then opened it, letting the kittens loose before nosing the door closed.”

Recent Use: “People in Texas were intrigued by Cleo the cat burglar and the flooftrigue around his stealing antics that were caught on camera.”

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Smooflooing

Smooflooing (floofinition) – Covering an animal with an excessive number of kisses.

In Use: “Barbie loved finding her cat, Hamilton asleep on the bed (which was his favorite place to nap day and night) and smooflooing his belly, which always brought his bright green eyes open and a deep, throbbing purr.”

In Use: “Withng a month of being adopted, Cameron had taught his people to begin smooflooing his face and belly whenever the big lab threw himself, whether it was on a walk, in the house, or in the backyard or driveway.”

Recent Use: “The web has become a repository of videos of people smooflooing their pets, especially cats and dogs.”

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thoughts

Tuesday was an average day until the man beside me made a move. White as snow, a frazzled gray-beard with hippy-long hair in a pony tail like he’s Willy Nelson, shorter than me by a foot, he broke the day’s calm normalcy by finishing his coffee with a loud slurp, setting the cup down and then walking out through the coffee shop wall. I saw this out of my side vision and swung around, staring as my mind argued about what my eyes were telling me.

Hoping for verification, I shot a look back into the room. Three women at a nearby table were staring at the space beside me. The eldest, pointing and talking, was saying, “That man went through the wall,” as the second, younger, middle-aged, with long blonde hair dry and damaged from aging, was saying, “What?” in that rising confused way which expressed profound doubt about what she was hearing. Her position would have her facing away so she probably didn’t see. But the third, who could have been the blonde’s sister but skinnier, older, and dark-haired, was empatically stating, “Yes, yes, that’s what I saw.”

“You saw that,” I demanded of the two, and they were nodding and asking, “Did you see it, too?” and an elderly man approached, stating in a loud, quavering voice, “I saw that, too, that guy went right out through the wall, I saw it, I saw it.”

Guffawing, my brain said, “Happy New Year,” as the walls began melting and screams rose. 2024 was going to be interesting, if I survive. Either that or this coffee was something really special.

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