Tag: humor

Floofscient

Floofscient (floofinition) – Animals’ foreknowledge of events. Origins: Fourteenth century middle Floofish, from late flooftin.

In Use: “Patrick’s dogs were so floofscient, it freaked him out. They always knew the pizza was being delivered minutes before the doorbell rang, got up and went to greet is boyfriend minutes before he came into the house, and most weirdly, understood when the phone was about to ring, with Cassie picking it up and bringing it to him in her mouth before it made a sound.”

In Use: “Minutes before the earthquake struck, Gina’s floofscient little tortie hurried in and urgently meowed at her until Gina followed into the bathroom. Perplexed, Gina was about to leave when the tremors began and a pole crashed into the kitchen where she’d been.”

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Befloofle

Befloofle (floofinition) – To be stupefied or confused by an animal’s actions, behavior, or sounds. Origins: 1801, in general usage, United States and Europe.

In Use: “Suzanne frequently finds herself befloofled and terrified by her dog’s sudden barking at night as if someone had broken into their house.”

In Use: “Batcat often befloofles Bob as she unexpectedly leaps from the top of one door six feet through the air to the top of another door.”

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Asking For A Friend

OK, Trump in Fox interview.  “This is a ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.”  Can anyone tell me what is “sooner” than immediately?

Yep, that MAGAt is a deeep thinker.

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Tidbits

The Next Summer Games

My wife and her friends were talking about the Olympics and the new events that were added. She said, “We’ll probably see pickle ball at the Olympics in four years.”

Laughter rang out. Then one wag added, “And all athletes will be over sixty.”

The Squirrel

My wife and I are driving down the road, a little over the 25 MPH limit. My wife yells, “Watch out for the squirrel.”

“I see it.” The squirrel, like most of them that I see, has darted halfway across the road. After a pause, they took a few more hops toward the road’s other side. Now they’re paused in our lane. It’s still far down the road. There’s plenty of time for the squirrel to get out of the way. I’m reading to toot the horn and brake. “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.”

“No, it’s a crazy squirrel or it has a death wish. It doubles back.” My wife is intensely leaning forward. “I see it all the time.”

I’d never seen it before, that I know. “How do you know it’s the same squirrel? It cou — “

“It’s the same squirrel, I know it.” She hammers the windshield. “Get out of the road, you crazy squirrel. Move faster. Don’t come back.”

The squirrel clears the road and disappears into bushes on the other side of the sidewalk. “There, they’re gone,” I say.

“You never know.” My wife sits back. “It’s a crazy squirrel. Sometimes I think it wants to get run over. Well, it’s not going to be me.”

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Floofmenco

Floofmenco (floofinition) – A dance favored by many animals to show their joy or exhilaration. Origins:

In Use: “Whenever Carolyn got the box out of treats out of the cupboard, her pups began dancing the floofmenco as they waited for her to deliver.”

In Use: “Sprinting outside, Sir Judge headed for the sprinkler waiting the lawn, and then did the floofmenco as the water sprayed him.”

In Use: “After a serving of catnip, Candylad did a brief but spirited floofmenco began collapsing into a deep, restful sleep.”

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Robofloof

Robofloof (floofinition) – 1. One of a number of inventions to help tend animals, especially orphaned kittens, puppies, kits, etc., by providing a realistic machine-based environment to keep them warm and safe while nursing and grooming them. Origins: 2022, Internet article, “The Coming of the Robofloofs”.

In Use: “Feeling its electronic heartbeat and nestled in against its warmth as they nursed, the puppies were quickly accepting the robofloof as a replacement mother.”

2. An animal which acts in a mechanical manner.

In Use: “Stunted at birth, the tabby kitten walked stiffly, like she was a little robofloof, earning her the name R. Daneel Oliclaw, a spin on the name of the robot detective in the Isaac Asimov novel, Caves of Steel.”

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Sunday’s Wandering Thoughts

My wife and I met with friends for coffee at 10:30 this morning. I ordered espresso with ice cream: an affogato.

My companions were appalled. “Ice cream, at this time of day?” they asked.

“Why not,” I retorted. “It’s time to do away with the provincial idea that ice cream can’t be consumed in the morning. I’m retired. WTF not eat ice cream in the morning with my espresso?”

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Geofloofgy

Geofloofgy (floofinition) – Science which deals with the location of animals on the Earth. Origins: 1735, from New Flooftin.

In Use: “People with floofs often needed to become geofloofy experts to that they could figure out whre their little fur demons might be tucked away napping or getting into floofchief.”

In Use: “With her well developed understanding of Martin’s geofloofgy, Marge went through the house, opening drawers cupboards, checking windowsills, peeking under furniture, checking the laundry basket, for where the little floofdrel was managing to hide.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

I ordered a new knob for my gas range. It’s the third one I’ve had to buy for the GE Profile range. The range is about six years old. Quality, right? Headshake.

Anyway, I’m tracking the knob. They said it shipped. I looked up the details.

After being picked up by the carrier, it arrived at the carrier facility, and then arrived at a carrier facility, and then arrived at a carrier facility. All the carrier facilities are in Arkansas.

It’s like, such strange progress. But then, another part for something else last week left California, south of us, and arrived at Eugene, north of us. Then it went further north to Portland. The day after that, it came back down south to Medford, basically northwest of us, before being delivered.

I suspect the folks behind these shipping processes are the same people who are always shouting, “Do more with less!”

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