We went to brunch at a restaurant. Santa came by to say hello. I told him, “Your accent is not what I expected.”
Santa replied, “Well, I’ve been hanging around Oregon a lot.”
I nodded. “Oh, you’ve been Oregonized.”
Santa presented me with a laugh.
Sa’day Morning Laughs
Check it out if some humor can do you good. And who is so good that humor can’t do them more good? From “Life Lessons” by Judy Dykstra-Brown”
Friday’s Wandering Thoughts
We made Christmas crock pot candy today. I’m employing the marital we. I put Christmas confection on them and found containers to house them until they’re bagged up. My wife did the actual work. She blames me in part for them. She said, “I have to make something to exchange with Lori. She’s going to make that biscotti that you like and bring it over. I need something to give to her.”
Yes, I have a bad habit of effusively thanking people for whatever baked goods they share with me. Folks take that to heart. Thereafter, I’m delivered biscotti, banana-nut bread, zuchinni loaves, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, grape pie, fudge, and brownies. I know, it’s an American tragedy.
We’re also going to a Swedish smorgasboard, so something was needed as a hostess gift. My wife decided the Christmas crock pot candy would work because we gave them out before, and the husband and wife told my wife how much they liked it.
It’s all a vicious holiday circle, isn’t it?
Floofvelation
Floofvelation (floofinition) – Surprising and newly discovered information about an animal. Origins: 14th century, Floofglo-French.
In Use: “Crystal lived with Priscilla for four years before the floofvelation that Crystal enjoyed eating peas and corn rose.”
In Use: “After rescuing McGyver (often just called Mac in daily conversations), Henry was surprised by the floofvelation that McGyver could climb trees.”
In Use: “Goldie looked like an average, ordinary goldfish, but Amy was sure that Goldie was special because of the floofvelation that Goldie always went to the surface and bobbed for a few seconds whenever Amy came into the room, like the little fish was greeting her.”
Flooftwirl
Flooftwirl (floofinition) – Animal behavior that consists of it turning in one direction several times in a display of anticipatory pleasure. Origins: 2024, Internet, predominantly United States.
In Use: “As Judy drew a can of food out of the cupboard to feed Butch, Butch exercised three perfect flooftwirls.”
In Use: “When Gavin entered the house, Marvin the Mischiefizer ran over and did several excited flooftwirls before finishing the dash to her favorite guy.”
In Use: “Watching Mama Pearl do flooftwirls when the feeding person entered the room, the kittens were soon practicing their own flooftwirls at feeding time.”
Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts
Went grocery shopping yesterday. A light shop, a stop-gap function done because we were in Medford for a medical appointment, so let’s shop since we’re here. Combining tasks is the ‘Merican way.
Watching folks with their shopping carts in stores, I thought, we really need to codify some basic shopping cart etiquette. I mean, most of spend an impressive chunk of existence in the U.S. in stores, guiding a shopping cart. Some rules and expectations could be helpful. Like, “Do not block the aisle with your cart and body. Be mindful of other shoppers.” Yes, that’s a toughie for some: mobility issues, size of the aisle, and size of the individual all contribute to the difficulty levels. But at least make an effort, won’t you?
While we’re at it, could you pay attention when you’re wheeling your cart down an aisle? Nothing like being forced to stop and watch as some yo-yo pushes their cart blindl forward while looking behind them. I was going to say to treat your cart like you’re driving a car but numerous lobotomized drivers seem to be steering motorized vehicles these day.
BTW, we’re all tired and impatient. You shoving your cart around, cutting others off, doesn’t help the sit. But we witness the same thing in road rage incidents, don’t we, as people impatiently cut corners and run red lights and stop signs.
Anway, to socialize these new shopping cart norms, we can involve shopping carts and celebrities. Imagine synchronized shopping cart activities in Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, and other holiday parades. Shopping cart manuveuring and rules can be taught in elementary school. Remedial courses can be offered in high school and college. Perhaps there will be Olympic shopping cart events. Maybe we can change the hundred meter dash. Adding carts and staging it in grocery stores would make events like that more relatable to norms like me. We’d call it “The Shopping Cart Dash”. Makes more sense than high hurdles. How many times do you really do hurdles in real life?
Rev up your imaginaiton to the possibilities. James Croden could go shopping with celebrities. We can have a public service campaigns featuring Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift and other stars pushing shopping carts in stores while complying with the new etiquette. Which sports superstar, Hollywood uber star, or pop megastar would you like to see pushing a shopping cart to inspire you? With examples like Joey Logana, Selena Gomez, Jelly Roll, Tina Fey, Ellen, Aaron Judge, and Patrick Mahomes leading the way, we could become a nation known as polite and civilized shopping carters.
I mean, what else do we have going for us at this point?
Floofralism
Floofralism (floofinition) – 1. Theory that two or more animals coming together shape reality. Origins: 1872, United States,
In Use: “Once Marsha and Geoff added three rescue animals — one dog and a feline brother and sister pair — a positive floofralism imbued the household, with everything becoming more relaxed and the two humans feeling happier.”
2. Flooflitical floofosphy that animals of different background, habits, and behavior, can peacefully co-exist and even thrive in the same household. Origins: 1787, Sheba and Champion (pets in James Madison’s household), United States (A Floofizen’s Guide to Flooflitics).
In Use: “Jeff’s two dogs were dubious when Jeff married Lori and she brought two cats, two birds, an aquarium full of fish, and another dog, but Lori’s elderly cat, McCavity, explained floofralism to the dogs, and adjustments were made.”
Gakdar
Gakdar (floofinition) – A system of instincts and senses used to spot an animal’s vomit before it is stepped in. Origins: circa 1960s, United States slang.
In Use: “His gakdar failing, Michael walked right into a small, wet present from one of his floofs.”
In Use: “Many people living with a pet for the first time soon learn that good gakdar is a necessity.
Saturday’s Wandering Thoughts
Nothing like unwittingly stepping — barefoot — into floof gack to change the morning’s trajectory.
Unwittingly is not superfluous there, either. On the one hand, what fool would wittingly step into floof gack? Are there people out there who cry with glee, “Look, floof gack,” and step in it? Perhaps; this world has some unusual individuals in it.
But it was unwittingly because I didn’t know anyone had gacked. So the gackdar was down. No warning at all until my recovering foot found the wet squishyness under it, forcing me to keep it up off the floor while I hopped-hobbled to the bathroom to rinse it off.
At least it was on the hardwood floor, and it wasn’t a major gack, just a category one. Easy clean up, you know?
Michael Seidel, writer 