Precatnitive (catfinition) – the sense that you and a cat knew each other before you met.
In use: “As soon as he saw the ginger tabby, a precatnitive impression asserted itself. The cat left the corner where it cowered and ran to him.”
Catchemy
Catchemy (catfinition) – a loosely defined speculative philosophy concerned principally with understanding felines and their mysterious ways.
In use: “Watching Flash watching her, she listened to the cat’s purr and practiced her catchemy, saying softly, “What are you thinking, my furry friend?” Flash closed her eyes in response.
Guns & Love
It’s a way of looking at love and how love is expressed that I never considered.
The radio commercial featured a woman, talking to men. “Hey guys, I know you forgot to buy a Valentine’s Day gift again.”
Pause to consider the stereotype presented.
“But don’t worry. February is the month of love. So all month, you can come to the gun store and buy a gift for the loved one in your life.”
Now my stereotype is showing. When I think of Valentine’s Day gifts, guns don’t leap to mind. Candy, especially chocolates, a night out, jewelry, diamonds, flowers, lingerie…these are the stereotypes of the V.D. (sorry) gifts that come to my mind.
I suppose it’s valid for some cultures to say I love you with a gun. I imagine, outside of my sphere, there’s a whole world of gun-giving as gifts for special occasions. Keeping with paper, first year wedding anniversaries are probably celebrated with gun-range targets. In the fifth year, a nice, compact .22 pistol is given. For the ten year anniversary, give her a 30/30 hunting rifle.
The restaurant moments write themselves. He’s down on one knee, handing her a Sig. Her eyes shine with tears as she gasps and whispers, “It’s beautiful.” Around her, other patrons are gushing with appreciation. Applause breaks out as she accepts the gun and hugs her man. One woman hisses at her husband, “Why don’t you ever buy me a gun?”
I wonder if Hallmark has a range of gun cards for holidays?
Floofryu
Floofryu (catfinition) – short poetry form, similar in structure to haiku: three lines, with twenty-three syllables. Floofryus deal with the foibles of cats, also known as floofs.
In use:
Dancing with paws and claws extended
mouth open and teeth exposed
she battles phantom adversaries
Clawthered
Clawthered (catfinition) – caught by a cat hanging on with its claws.
In use: “He needed to get up and leave, but a small tabby was clawthered to his jacket, and he couldn’t get released.”
Flooftable
Flooftable (catfinition) – the schedule by which cats complete their activities. Flooftable is often misconstrued as being the same as the Periodic Table of Floofs; the two expressions are not interchangeable.
In use: Abiding by the flooftable, the cat arose at 3:30 A.M. and nuzzled the sleeping people. They swatted him away and covered their heads. At 3:40, he batted the mouse across the floor and chased it, and then jumped up on the dresser and knocked everything off that he could. At 3:50, he demanded to be let out of the house. 4:15 found him demanding to be let into the house. At 4:30, he insisted that he needed to leave the house again. The angry people obliged him, with threats, which saddened him.
Sitting down, he washed his face to console himself. He didn’t want to do these things (he’d rather be sleeping, of which he was very fond), but it was the flooftable, and the flooftable needed to be observed and respected, or catnarchy would reign.
So said the Great Floof, who crafted a specific flooftable for every cat in the world. He wished people could understand that.
An idea was born.
Butt and Tail
Butt and Tail (catfinition) – a medieval cat expression for all the way.
In use: “As the kittens dawdled, the mother meowed back at them, “Let’s go, butt and tail, butt and tail. Get in the box.”
Floofomachy
Floofomachy (catfinition) – a disagreement or dispute about or over cats.
In use: “The kittens at the adoption fair were the epicenter of floofomachy as children and families all wanted to take them home.”
Floofoolery
Floofoolery (catfinition) – foolish cat behavior; playing silly games with a cat. Tomfloofoolery is used to designate foolish male cat behavior, or playing silly games with a tom cat.
In use: “From the sounds at midnight, it seemed like there was a lot of floofoolery going on in the other room.”
Afterfloof
Afterfloof (catfinition) – the fur and detritus that remains after a cat leaves a space.
In use: “Afterfloof of fur, a piece of bark mulch, and a leaf on the sofa marked where Tucker had slumbered before the garbage truck outside had sent him hunting for sanctuary.”
