Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Aide-de-Floof (floofinition) – a person who assists housepets by giving them their medicine, feeding them, cleaning up after them, and playing with them.
In use: “His position as aide-de-floof sometimes required him to interrupt his sleep at four in the morning to let a cat into the house, or feed one of them, which, naturally, meant that they would all be fed.”
INGIT (sometimes spelled as INGIFT) (floofinition) – floof acronym that means “I’m not going in there,” or alternatively, “I’m not going in fuckin’ there.” INGIFT is often used to make a more strenuous point.
In use: “Seeing the bathtub of water, the dog barked, “INGIT!” Spinning away, he raced to the closet to hide.”
Floofoween (floofinition) – annual holiday when people dress up their pets and request tricks in exchange for treats. It often doesn’t go well.
In use: “Having dressed his black cat in a devil’s outfit for Floofoween, Teddy kept trying to coax the cat into doing tricks in exchange for treats, but he set the bag of treats down, and Sebastian the cat seized it with its teeth and dashed into another room and under the bed with his prize.”
Floofragette (floofinition) – housepet who campaigns for equal rights for the animals.*
In use: “A true floofragette, the beagle was forever campaigning for equal rights and treatments by aping the humans’ activities, like jumping into the bath with them, sleeping beside them on the bed, and sitting at a chair at the dinner table for meals. They became convinced that he thought he considered himself human, not realizing that he knew he was a dog, but saw no reason for him to be treated differently than them.”
Hearing unfamiliar banging and creaking sounds, he opened his eyes and found the ceiling.
Pink, and swaying. It felt like he was on a boat. Or would that be a ship?
He closed his eyes. Something was hung. Reboot. Try again.
When he next opened his eyes, he was looking at correctly colored sage green walls. Sunlight was streaming in.
Feeling better, he rose to hit the head and discovered a limp. He’d not had that before. As its presence was being digested, he passed the bathroom mirror.
He was female. Not bad looking, about the correct age, forty-five. Same colored hair. Those were starts to being the right person in the right reality.
More to digest.
He continued to the toilet. His cats and dogs must be out of the house. The primary reasons for keeping them was to help keep reality anchored. It didn’t work, if they weren’t around. Ergo, they weren’t around. That’s why his start-ups were hanging.
As he sat to piss, he considered going back to bed to reboot again, but it was already eight thirty. Time was the one constant that didn’t change when a start-up went awry.
Coffee, he decided, wiping, flushing, washing his hands and heading for the kitchen. He thought while popping a K-cup into place, coffee always helped release the hang ups. It was remarkable that way. Once he got the coffee into his system, he’d find the animals and bring them into the house. Then he’d decide. The house seemed correct, as did the reality outside his window. Maybe he’d enjoy being a woman for a day, or take a nap later and reboot.
Sipping the coffee, he smiled. Coffee always helped. If that ever changed, he didn’t know what he would do.
Floofroy (floofinition) – a housepet that exercises authority over other housepets.
In use: “The little tabby was the smallest of the home’s five pets, but she was the floofroy, ruling with meow, hisses, growls, and swats. Everyone — including people — obeyed.”
Floofcipience (floofinition) – good understanding of things as seen or experienced by a housepet.
In use: “Through living with cats, dogs, birds, and ferrets since he was born, his floofcipience expanded, earning him nicknames like the cat whisperer and the dog wizard.”
Floofemy (floofinition) – a housepet who actively opposes or is hostile to another housepet or creature.
In use: “For reasons understood only by cats, after living together for three years, the three felines were staunch floofemies, hissing or growling whenever one came close, spying on each other, and staying several feet away from one another.”
Flooftober (floofinition) – a celebration dedicated to pets and animals. In some places, it never ends.
See also: Flooftoberfest
In use: “Raising a sweaty mug of sudsy beer, he shouted, “Happy Flooftober. Who wants a treat?” As the dogs and cats trotted forward, tails wagging or up, as was their style, he opened bags and began giving each a treat.”
Flooftoberfest (floofinition) – an annual festival that emphasizes celebrating pets.
See also: Flooftober
In use: “Every year without fail, the Richmond home began the ten day celebration that became known as Flootoberfest. As was their practice, they began by giving their cats and dogs a bath as the bird watched and made comments.”
Michael Seidel, writer 