Wednesday’s Bumper Sticker
The Floof Street Journal
The Floof Street Journal (floofinition) – Periodical written, read, and distributed by animals. Written in universal floofish, the FSJ helps keep animals informed.
In use: “The Floof Street Journal has evolved from animals’ early efforts of information exchange via scents on trees, rocks, and other materials into a sophisticated method of keeping animals informed about what’s going on in the floofverse. Other periodicals, such as Floof Today, The Good Floofkeeping Journal, the Washington Floof, and Floof Times, rose to challenge the FSJ’s position, but it remained secure until digital media, such as Floofbook, raged onto the scene in recent decades.”
Floof-poof
Floof-poof (floofinition) Animal who seems to disappear without warning, effort, or sound.
In use: “Many housepets have refined their own version of the floof-poof, causing frantic owners to wonder where they are, only to have the pet emerge with a quizzically innocent gaze that asks, “Is something wrong? Were you looking for me?””
Husfloofdry
Husfloofdry (floofinition) – The care and watch over animals.
In use: “According to the Good Floofkeeping Journal, good husfloofdry mandates that the animals have fresh food and water, safety and shelter, companionship, and care when they’re sick or injured.”
Barrafloofa
Barrafloofa (floofinition) – Animal known for its fearsome appearance and ferocious behaviour.
In use: “Normally friendly as a happy puppy, raised voices always summoned Herc’s inner barrafloofa. The family quickly learned not to do that, or argue, around the big dog, because Herc the barrafloofa wasn’t going to tolerate it.”
Geoflooftry
Geoflooftry (floofinition) – Branch of floofmatics that deals with the measurement, properties, and relationships of points, lines, angles, surfaces, and solids.
In use: “Most animals (but especially housepets) have a poor sense of geoflooftry, believing that they can fit, wedge, or shape themselves into any space, even if its one tenth of their size.”
Solipfloofsism
Solipfloofsism (floofinition) – A theory holding that an animal can know nothing but its own modifications and that it is the only existent creature.
In use: “It was a constant war with the cat to keep it off of the kitchen counters, but the feline’s solipfloofsism didn’t allow her to accept that others could control her. It wasn’t possible.”
Sunday’s Bumper Sticker
An old, cynical one. Growing up around Pittsburgh, PA, numerous small businesses had this framed on the wall behind the cash register (or beside the register on the counter). I don’t see it much any longer. I blame credit cards.
Beatflooftudes
Beatflooftudes (floofinition) – The blessings of sharing a life with animals.
In use: “Blessed are those share their homes with cats, dogs, birds, fish, and other creatures, for their spirits are nourished with love.”
