Tag: humor

Variation

They’d been doing together since they were wed forty-two years ago. “Everything that we can do together, I mean, of course.” She felt some things weren’t possible, “But we tried to do everything together. We were never apart from one another for more than a day or two, maybe three, tops.” She’d been a nurse, but was now retired; he’d been, and was, a doctor.

Travel was required for her to visit her father. “Dad’s really well for ninety-three. It’s easy to forget he’s ninety-three because he looks so good and does so well. But he is ninety-three, so I worry about him. Especially since he’s down there and I’m up here. He’s a retired engineer, and very particular about his habits. Everything must be done certain ways. He eats the same foods for the same meals at the same times every day,  breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There’s no variation.”

But this was about her husband. “He didn’t want to go with me to Southern California. Dad always watches Fox News. He’s completely apolitical, he’s not a Trump supporter, doesn’t have a MAGA hat, or anything like that, but he watches Fox News all day long. Henry just didn’t want to go, and cited that as part of the reason. So I flew down there alone.

“I’d been down there for a week when I received a phone call from Henry. He was frantic.”

“I’m out of clean underwear,” he said.

“Well, wash some.”

“I would, but I don’t know where the detergent goes.”

“It goes in the drawer.”

“I can’t find the drawer.”

“When I thought about it, I realized that it was the longest that we’d ever been apart.”

When she returned, she discovered his clothes in the washer. They were moldy, wrinkled and almost dry. She thinks that Henry just tossed the soap on top of the clothes, wasn’t satisfied with the process, and just quit.

They haven’t spoken about it, yet, but he does have some new underwear.

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Floofschach Test

Floofschach Test (floofinition) – Process animals use to access new objects and creatures to determine the best response.

In use: “With many animals, the Floofschach Test begins with an alert glance and sharpened listening, followed by sniffing and a mental appraisal. Some, though, employ an abbreviated Floofschach Test, seeing something and deciding, nope, I’m gone.”

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“Floof Purple”

“Floof Purple” (floofinition) – Hard floof Flooflish band in 1968, credited as pioneers of heavy floof music.

In use: “Known for songs such as “Treats in the Water” and “Flooftrucking,” Floof Purple’s energetic blend of vocals, organ, guitar and drums introduced many young animals to new ventures in music.”

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Floof-effect

Floof-effect (floofinition) – 1. The weather impact on fur or feathers.

In use: “The air temperature was thirty-seven degrees but the sun was shining, so the floof-effect was fifty.”

2. Impact of an animal on a mood or atmosphere.

In use: “Everyone was quiet and pensive, waiting to see what happened, until the floof-effect of a cat sauntering in changed everything.”

 

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Flooftrodden

Flooftrodden (floofinition) – Oppressed or treated badly by an animal, parti”cularly a housepet.

In use: “She often felt flooftrodden as her big ol’ tom, Deadpool, jumped onto her abdomen, knocking her wind out of her with a big, “Oof,” or worse, stepping on a nipple when she was in bed. She loved him (he was very sweet), but the big fella, twenty pounds (and wasn’t all fluff), had no idea of what he was doing to her.”

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“The Floof Seasons”

“The Floof Seasons” (floofinition) – American floof and pop band that became internationally successful in the 1960s and 1970s. The band’s name was changed in 1970 to “Floofie Valli and the Floof Seasons” as a reflection of the lead vocalist’s increased popularity and focus.

In use: “Vocals and harmony always dominated The Floof Season’s music as they discovered success with songs such as “Walk Like A Cat” and “Big Dogs Don’t Cry”, their second and third Floofboard Top 100 hits.”

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Infloofherent 

Infloofherent (floofinition) – Lacking normal clarity or intelligibility in behavior or action in an animal.

In use: “Kitties and puppies were great joy to watch because they seemed so infloofherent, jumping and pouncing in one direction, threatening and attacking another before racing off as though frightened. The little girl loved it, the beginning of a joy she’d have for the rest of her life.”

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“The Moody Floofs”

“The Moody Floofs” (floofinition) – Progressive floof band formed in Floofmingham, Floofland, in the mid 1960s.

In use: “The Moody Floofs experienced popularity in several countries in the late 1960s and early 1970s with songs like “I’m Just A Kitty (In A Rock and Roll Band)” and “Dogs in White Satin” to name the two most popular.”

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Floofmarine

Floofmarine (floofinition) – An animal who likes to burrow under things.

In use: “The dog proved to be a regular floofmarine, stealing under the covers and finding a space alongside their legs as soon as they were in bed and the lights were off.”

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Floofscond

Floofscond (floofinition) – Behavior wherein an animal  departs secretly and hides itself, typically after taking something that it shouldn’t have.

In use: “The dog had to be watched whenever someone set food down, as Daisy was apt to filch a portion and floofscond.”

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