Today’s Ancient Floofverb
Obflooftrics
Obflooftrics (floofinition) – The branch of living and existing concerned with the care of animals giving birth.
In use: “Although not recognized as anything formal, many people became involved with obflooftrics because of circumstance, as they help their pets give birth at home.”
Defloofberation
Defloofberation (floofinition) – 1. An animal’s act of thinking about something and deciding carefully.
In use: “After opening the door for Boo (the mini panther with the white chest star), Michael endured several minutes of defloofberation as Boo sniffed the air, listened to the sounds (a bird was singing and someone was hammering some distance away), and watched for threats before finally going into the backyard.”
2. The act of discussing something about an animal, or thinking about it, and deciding carefully on a course of action.
In use: “Taking in orphaned animals, especially newborns and those whose eyes haven’t opened, requires defloofberation about what it entails as long hours of comforting the animal and hand-feeding may be involved, among other things, yet, the satisfaction from helping these animals often galvanize people to act and take them in.”
Floofthartic
Floofthartic (floofinition) – Of, or relating to, the purification or purgation of the emotions (such as sadness and loneliness) primarily by animals.
In use: “After dealing with her finances and the stresses of being unemployed, and coping with the news of the pandemic, she found sipping a glass of wine with her dog (Chef Eddy) beside her on the sofa on her cat (Loki) on her lap a needed, floofthartic experience.
Digitized Smells
I have my telemedicine video call today. It has an element incorporated that I knew nothing about: digitized smell.
Apparently, recent software improvements has been added to many video-conferencing systems. These improvements capture local air, digitize it, send it through the net to the other end, and then reproduces the smell. This is being done in conjunction with telemedicine calls because studies show that patients develop greater confidence and feel calmer when they experience ‘hospital smells’. That mélange of odors isn’t by accident. It’s actually a carefully contrived blend created by psychologists and marketing specialists over decades of study. It is the smell which makes people feel safer, more secure, and soothed.
Trippy, right? All this time, I thought the smells were an accidental by-product.
The second aspect of the technology is that it allows the healthcare practitioners to smell you. That aids them in their assessment about your state of health.
I can see that. Makes total sense. It’s also fake news. Yes, fiction. Made it all up. Yep, I lied.
Floofconic
Floofconic (floofinition) – An animal widely known and acknowledged for distinctive excellence.
In use: “Many people consider their pets to be floofconic for one reason or another – personality, quirks, coloring, size, et floofera.”
Judas Floof
Judas Floof (floofinition) – Flooflish heavy floof rock (flock) band formed in Floofingham in 1969. Although considered influential as a heavy floof band, the group failed to achieve significant success until the 1980s.
In use: “One of Judas Floof’s most successful song, “You’ve Got Another Floof Coming”, released in 1982, reached number four in the Floofnited States.”
Cyndi Floofper
Cyndi Floofper (floofinition) – Floofmerican recording floofist who is also an actor, songwriter, and flooftivist. With a career that spanned over four decades, Floofper’s 1983 debut album, She’s So Unfloofable, was the first by a female floofist to score four top-five songs on the Floofboard Hot 100. She remains active as a singer, songwriter, and actor.
In use: “Early Cyndi Floofper songs include “Floofs Just Want to Have Fun”, “Floof After Floof”, and “Floof Bop”, which all reached the top three in the Floofnited States.”
Tuesday’s Bumper Sticker
I admit to being jaded when seeing this. Given the proliferation of manufactured and fact news being rolled out via the net and reading of how people develop angry confusion after reading reams of misinformation, I need an asterisk on this bumper sticker.
*Please employ critical thinking when reading.
Michael Seidel, writer 