Tag: humor

Exflooftable

Exflooftable (floofinition) – 1. Animal who is capable of being activated by and reacting to stimuli.

In use: “Many kittens, puppies, and other young are exflooftable, but grow out of it as they mature, so the exceptions are often considered adorable adults.”

2. People who are readily roused into action over concerns about animals.

In use: “The net is causing more people to be exflooftable as they witness heroic rescues of drowning or dying animals and decide, they, too, can be a difference.”

0

Detective Floof Inspector

Detective Floof Inspector (floofinition) – Animal responsible for nosing around to gather information. Such animals are often tasked by other animals to uncover details regarding a specific event or individual and report back to the larger group.

In use: “Detective Floof Inspector Tucker, long-haired, black and white — a tuxedo, in human’s color-obsessed terminology — had long been the house detective, determining what was under the house (a skunk), going out to see what was happening when Zoom exercise classes began in the dining room, investigating the humans’ laptops while they slept to learn what they’d been ordering (learning to key in the password had been incredibly difficult, and he resorted to extending claws to do so on those little keys), and going to the door to see who was arriving whenever someone knocked.”

0

Floofcano

Floofcano (floofinition) – Animal with explosive disposition, or capable of explosive behavior.

In use: “The beagle was a sweet, mild-mannered beast, but a floofcano at heart, exploding in racing ahead and barking whenever he saw a squirrel — and he was always vigilant for one to show up.”

0

Funkafloofic

Funkafloofic (floofinition) – Floofmerican floof funk rock (fluck) band formed in 1968 in FloofJersey. Influence by flooflitcal movements of the era, the band’s music evolved from their original soul and doo wop sound into a guitar-driven mix of floofedelic rock, soul, and funk, becoming pioneers in the fluck sound. The group achieved their greatest floofstream success in the mid to late seventies before disbanding in 1982.

In use: “Funkafloofic’s 1978 song, “One Nation Under a Floof”, from the album by the same name, is probably the band’s most widely known song.”

0

Further Friday Frustrations

  1. Besides COVID-19, the drought and the threat of wildfires, we’re wondering about how the crazy worms will affect us.
  2. I’m also concerned that I’m not cheugy.
  3. Well, not that concerned.
  4. I’ve been accepted by Medicare. As a military retiree of a certain era, I’m covered by Tricare. Tricare requires me to get Medicare A and B when I turn 65. That happens in July. I applied when I became eligible. A few days later, I was accepted. Meanwhile, I receive phone calls, emails, and snail mail from individuals and companies offering to help me navigate making my Medicare choices. It’s another industry. Everything becomes an industry, and as you reach certain milestones, they make you aware of it. It used to be that my junk mail was all about buying a new car, shopping for clothes, or taking vacations. Now it’s about hearing aids, funeral services, Medicare, reverse mortgages, and Viagra.
  5. Of course, there’s a few new industries afflicting all of us who own a home or car. We receive regular phone calls about our car and home warranties. In our house, we don’t answer the phone unless we recognize the number. The other industry that’s aggressively chasing us is insurance against our water pipes bursting in our yard. A WaPo article says, in essence, yeah, it’s another scam.
  6. I think one of my cats has short-term memory issues. Whenever Boo encounters our other cats, Papi and Tucker, he reacts like, “OMG, who the hell are you?”
  7. To mitigate the fire threat in our town, a ‘firewise’ program has been established. Basically, don’t use any bark mulch on the ground. Don’t grow any flammable plants within five feet of the house. Store wood products that you might have at east thirty feet from the house. Trim back all branches so they’re not touching the house or close enough for flames to leap from the tree to the roof. Get rid of wooden decks, wooden fences, conifers and blackberries. Walking around Ashland, I can see that the program has made little progress. We were affected by a fire last year. There were actually three fires on the same very windy day. All three were started by individuals. The firewise program can’t address the wind or deliberate fires.
  8. They also tell us to keep your plants watered so they don’t dry out and become fuel, but we’re in an extreme drought, so hey, there’s little water to water plants. The only option appears to be to pull out all your plants except those of a desert variety and put small stones or pebbles in your yard to help reduce moisture. Of course, I’m also exploring polymers that are supposed to help the soil retain moisture.
  9. Delivering decorative bark (or mulch) had become a growing industry. Go to any hardware store’s garden area and there’s bags and bags of variations. Blower trucks will load up and come to your house and spread it for you with a giant reverse vacuum cleaner. Now, I suspect a new industry, to vacuum it all back up, will begin taking root.
  10. I thought that killer bees and murder hornets were bad. Now we can add crazy worms to the list of things nature has devised to make the world more interesting. The MSN story says, “Pick one up, and you’ll see why, as the creepy-crawly jerks, writhes and springs out of your hand. (It may even leave its tail behind, as a grim souvenir.) And now, scientists are finding the wrigglers have spread to at least 15 states across the U.S.” They resemble regular worms and are bad for the soil.
  11. I have a crazy cat. I really don’t want crazy worms.
  12. My wife is on her weekly coffee clatch call. Pre-COVID-19, they’d meet after exercise class every M-W-F. Their pandemic compromise is to meet every Friday after exercise class. They have a good time. Lots of laughing. I hear her now talking about her sagging breasts and my drooping scrotum. I’d told her that my sack hung in the water in the hotel toilet during our visit last week. Disgusting, right? Once you feel and know it, you can take action by not sitting all the way down. This is another reason why I prefer to stand and pee, even though I’m cursed with a forked stream. Aging. There’s always something.
  13. Haven’t smelled any skunk for over thirty days, yeah, knock on wood. I’m superstitious that way. Haven’t smelled the skunk, or sighted one, but my wife reports that she heard a thump last night for the first time in weeks. Time to block the entry (again) and see what happens. I would mount my camera but it has quit working. I’ve not been able to reset it and connect it nor receive any images from it. I don’t want to buy a new one because, waste. We’re such a throw-away consuming society. It’s frustrating.
  14. Being cheugy doesn’t offend me. And, from what I understand, I am cheugy. Apparently emerging from TikTok, cheugy is the new ‘square’, a way of saying something is passé, or out of it. Tres important, right? I’m bothered by too many other things, like crazy worms and skunks under the house, to think about being trendy.
  15. Got my coffee. Time to go write like crazy at least one more time. Before the crazy worms get here. We’re already full up on crazy. Even bought a warranty. It was offered on the phone.
5

The Flooftains

The Flooftains (floofinition) — Formed in 1962 in Flooflin, Irefloof, The Flooftains are a floofditional Irefloofish band. Their name is derived the book, Death of A Flooftain, by John Flooftague. The band began achieving notable international success in the early 1970s and have played with numerous musicians in several genres. Their music has been featured in films as well.

In use: “The Flooftains played at Floof Aid in 1986, a benefit concert in Irefloof organized to raise money for animals in need of help.”

0

Photofloofic

Photofloofic (floofinition) – Animal who is suitable for being photographed, especially because of visual appeal.

In use: “Kittens, lambs, goats, puppies, baby hippos and ducks…all have proven to be photofloofic, which is probably a great reason why there’s so many photos of them Floofbook and the wider net.”

2

Overheard Confession

“No one is putting anything up my ass. Sorry, no colonoscopy. This policy is traced to something done to me when I was a child. I don’t know the backstory but my auntie prevailed on my mother to give me an enema. Other than vowing to never let anything go up my ass ever again, I’ve blocked out all memory of it. I believe that Mom regretted it to her death. Whatever it was, whatever happened, I found the equipment in the hall closet, got a pair of scissors, and cut it all up. I was four years old.”

0

April Floof

April Floof (floofinition) – Floofnadian flock (floof rock) band formed in the 1960s in Nova Flooftia. After achieving success in the early seventies, they found international success and acclaim in the late seventies and early eighties before putting the group on pause in 1986. 1992 found the band re-uniting to put out several albums in the nineties, achieving gold-record status in Floofnada. They continue touring to this day with a different lineup.

In use: “One of April Floof’s best known songs in the Floofnited States is “Just Between Floof and Me”, which was a hit on the Floofboard Hot 100.”

2

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑