Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofserker (floofinition) – An animal who is frenzied in an activity.
In use: “Fish and Chips were both well-mannered and sweet puppies until it came to eating their kibble. When they heard it hitting their bowls, the tiny brown and white beasts became floofserkers, leaping into the bowls, spraying kibble in every direction as their little paws kicked it out and their mouths frantically chased pieces.”
Floofisthenics (floofinition) – Floofercises and stretching related to animal behavior or practices.
In use: “Many people don’t appreciate how much having pets such as cats or dogs improve their physical conditioning, but floofisthenics done while feeding the beasts and cleaning up after them, as well as actually walking or chasing them in play, can help keep people fitter and trimmer.”
His wife needed new shoelaces. Only one store in town sells replacement laces.
He realized that finding shouldn’t surprise him. When he was a child, it was commonplace to snap a shoelace, forcing imaginative knotting to keep your shoe tied. In these times, the shoes usually wore out before the laces. His wife’s laces were for new shoes; she wanted white laces instead of the stripped ones that came with her shoes. Yes, it is a little first world pain, isn’t it?
No, the store didn’t have the laces she needed.
A languorous stretch
Then the shift and turn, twice, thrice
And sleep is resumed
Viafloof (floofinition) – An activity or function modified to include an animal when animals were not normally involved.
In use: “His routines included a viafloof when he left the office and went into other parts of the house, no matter where or the reason, checking on the cats and dogs’ status and location, reassuring him that his floofs were safe and well.”
He was tired of fake news. They claimed that no one had done a moonwalk since 1972. He knew that was bull. He saw Michael Jackson moonwalk on televsion in 1983.
Floofex (floofinition) – Existence or conscious reality created or maintained by animals. Although skilled at doing such, human presence tends to distill or distort animals’ realities, sometimes with adverse consequences resulting.
In use: “Having realized human impact on their Floofex, and appreciating the ways in which cats, dogs, and other creatures could co-habit with human in roles as pets, the Council ordered a quantum increase to the number of animals going to Earth in that role in an effort to reverse some current, terrible trends and establish a happier, more pleasant Floofex.”
Looking at the shopping list on the chalkboard, she said, “I know it’s my handwriting, but I don’t know what this says. It looks like chickpens.”
Walking by, without looking, he replied, “It’s chickpeas.”
“Oh, chickpeas.” She laughed. “That makes more sense than chickpens.” She laughed again. “Give me a break, I haven’t had my coffee.”
I successfully replaced the flange, drain, and stopper in one of the bathroom sinks yesterday. Before details are parsed out, some entities are owed thanks.
I’d been planning this job for a few months but was intimidated because, plumbing. It’s right up there with wiring and electricity for me. Fed by sitcoms, movies, cartoons, and cliches, my imagination is well-stocked with visions of what could go wrong for someone who isn’t mechanically proficient, like the guy who looks back at me from the mirror.
Nothing did go wrong, though. Yes, it was work. Two hard parts emerged. First, unscrewing the flange in the sink from the drain. Those puppies had been wedded together for seventeen blissful years. Separating them was a stinking challenge. I needed to hold onto the vise grips and keep the flange from turning while somehow reaching beneath the sink and turning the pipe to unscrew the flange. I needed another set of hands.
Enter the partner, my spouse, aka, K, the wife.
I set up a heavy-duty screwdriver in the hole where the popup lever connects the stopper to the plunger. Yeah, these are the technical terms (*snark*). I don’t know the true terms. With that rig in place, I, um, gripped the vise grips and held on tight. Then I had my wife turn the drainpipe below, using the screwdriver as a lever. I felt tremendously satisfied when that worked.
The other aspect was that we have designer stuff in the bathroom. I wanted to use the original plunger because its design matched everything else in the bathroom. But the lever wasn’t compatible, forcing me to find an imaginative solution for a hybrid system that worked. That, brothers and sisters, consumed about forty minutes of my seventy-five minutes sweat soaked endeavor.
When I finished, I went into the other room. My wife was reading on the bed. “Done,” I said. “Come see.”
“Hang on, I’ve almost finished this book.”
“Really? That has priority over my DIY success?”
“See this tear?” She pointed at her eye.
“I’ll see your tear and raise you my sweat-soaked shirt. It was hot in there, and cramped.”
“I’m almost done. I just have a few more pages.”
I went back alone and admired my results. With one down, I’m purchasing more replacement parts and doing the other two sinks this weekend.
Don’t get cocky, I tell myself.
I won’t, I reply.
What can go wrong?
He comes and he goes
Inspecting things with his nose
A bored floof at home
Michael Seidel, writer 