Tag: humor

Saturday’s Theme Music

Mood: coffee-ized bubbly

Greetings to Saturday, October 14, 2023.

Although it’s only 49 F now, they point us toward a high in the mid to upper seventies.

It’s a pleasant morning. No wind. Light clouds blemish the blue sky. I’d checked early; here in southern Oregon, just above he California border, in Oregon’s southwestern corner, we’re on the edge of the eclipse path. We wanted to see that sucker.

Awaiting the annular eclipse, which was expected in Ashlandia (where the soups are hot and the desserts are delicious) at 9:18 AM. Sitting in my office, which is on the house’s west side, I noticed a darkening. Leaping up, I grabbed my eclipse classes and dashed out to check the eclipse.

Yes! It had begun.

I ran back in and yelled the news to my wife and scurried back out. The viewing spot was on the sidewalk in front of my house. Peering east by southeast between trees and houses gave us a satisfying view. At first, the moon rendered the sun into a fat but bright bottom heavy crescent moon. The moon’s journey over the sun kept thinning the sun crescent. Simultaneously, the sun began darkening, acquiring a burnt orange glaze.

As the eclipse progressed, my wife said, “That reminds me of the eye of Sauron.” She shifted into her best Golem voice. “My precious. Where is my precious coffee?”

We developed a routine. Watch for a few minutes, dash inside, sip some coffee, return. I modified my path, setting coffee over on the sidewalk, out of the way by the house, so no one would kick it over.

We didn’t notice any changes in birds or anything. Oddly, two trios of people walking dogs paid no attention to the eclipse as this all transpired. Both were younger middle age (the people, not the dogs). I wondered, did they not know, or did they not care? Were they anti-science people?

More questions which will never be answered for me.

Finally, at 9:18, we had the ring of fire, or seventy percent of it, as that’s what science declared we’d see here. The eclipse at this point reminded us of a black button with an illuminated ring around it. What would happen it we pressed it?

Throwing caution into the trash, we pressed it several times. Nothing was noted as different, but in some other part of the world, the sun could be blinking in and out. Or a fuse was blown or a circuit breaker thrown and nothing was happening. We couldn’t tell.

At its fullest point, we said, “Hello sun, hello moon.” Nice to address them as a couple.

As for the cats, they took opposite approaches to the eclipse, just as they do everything. They’re always a study in opposites. Papi, our sleek, short haired orange tabby, wants little to do with people and doesn’t show much interest in our food or activities. He doesn’t like loud noises and despises the wind.

Tucker, the black and white long-haired elder beast enjoys being with us and wants to be in on everything. If we’re eating, he wants to know how it smells and tastes.

While we were checking the eclipse, Papi shied away safe place in backyard sun. Drawing his legs in and curling his tail around his bod, he posed in a perfect loaf position.

Tucker stayed with us. If we went in for coffee, he came with us, going back out when we did, walking around by us as we looked up at the sun. He didn’t care anything for the sun; his focus was on his people.

The eclipse is dwinding now as the sun and moon say their farewells and part. We’ve come back into the house. One of us goes out every few minutes and comes back in to update the other. But it’s anti-climatic at this point, like a blow-out in a football game. We’re just waiting for the end.

The Neurons have come up with “Eclipse” from the 1973 Pink Floyd album, Dark Side of the Moon to mark the day. A terrific climax to a favorite album, it’s quite welcomed in the morning mental music stream (Trademark deteriorating).

And everything under the sun is in tune

But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

Clouds have covered the sun and dulls the sky. Time to press on. Stay pos, be safe, and be strong. Coffee has been drunk, thanks. Here’s the music. Cheer

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Friday’s Wandering Thoughts

Technology fascinates me. It has since I first read about microwave ovens and satellites in the mid sixties, when I was less than ten years old. That’s why I want to spread the word about the latest technology I’ve heard about.

Ever have confusion about what you thought was just said? For example, your wife suggests you go for a ride, and you think that she wants something fried? Or you hear something that sounds like a gunshot and she claims that she didn’t hear anything. Instead of sitting there, listening for a repeat of the sound, or wondering if she’s deaf or you’re crazy, you can access a small device and have the last ten minutes of sound repeated for your benefit.

Sounds crazy? Did to me but this help is being offered out there in the form of a new AI system I spied on a television commercial the other night. I’m seriously thinking about buying it.

This miracle device is called Whazaid. Here is a brief description. First, a control interface is downloaded onto a phone or laptop. A rechargeable device that’s about the size of a U.S. nickel will record everything being said around you. How far around you can be adjusted. It’s said to be so effective, Whazaid can capture the sound of pet kibble hitting the floor in another room.

That depends on where your put your Whazaid. It has a tiny clip that lets you put it on a shirt collar, hat bill, or a bra strap. Anything kind of fabric, really, like the top of your pants or a shirt or pants pocket. It can even be clipped to an ear lobe. The thing is, wherever it’s placed, its effectiveness is depended on not being blocked so it can pick up sounds.

The device can record 28 hours worth of conversations before it needs to be charged. The inventors say that’s about three days for most people but it can vary. Although it has a terrabyte of storage, recordings will stay on your device for thirty days unless otherwise marked by the control device. A subscription can be set up so that everything recorded is backed up on the cloud.

Whazaid’s AI feature has a smart filter that will separate sounds being heard. This is where the AI, which is based on IBM’s Watson, comes in. As the system records and identifies sounds, you can taylor sounds you want recorded. For example, you probably don’t want to record television shows or movies, and exclude them.

Then, the AI will learn your preferences and modify your settings for you, if you wish; that’s something set up on the control. Whazaid will also attach the speakers’ names and mark conversations with subject, date, and time. If you allow the optional location feature to be turned on, Whazaid will also mark the location.

Using Bluetooth hooked in your ear, you can also give the device verbal commands. So if an argument starts about who said what, you can tell Whazaid to playback a specific recording by subject, time, or speaker(s). It’ll play it back privately but can be mated with laptops or phones so it can be played via those devices and their speakers so everyone can hear the recorded conversation.

For example, my wife and I had a frustrating exchange about what was being said about plans for this Friday. The moment devolved into a classic he said/she said disagreement that left us both dissatisfied and irritated. If I had a Whazaid installed, I could have resolved it right there.

Another advantage, though, is that it can record lectures. A disadvantage is the danger presented to classified information, or comments confided to you in private.

Whazaid isn’t cheap at about eleven hundred US dollars, the early adopter price. But the technology entices me. I’m getting older and it seems like disagreements about what was said or heard are multiplying. So I am very tempted.

I might wait until it’s available at Costco, because they usually have better prices. If I do buy Whazaid, I’ll let you know how it goes. How ’bout you? Are you interested in Whazaid?

NOTE: Whazaid is totally fabricated. It only exists in my mind.

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Received a sharpish wake-up notice this morning.

At about 6 AM, I was pulled out of a dream at Papi’s request. He needed to go back out. Papi, aka the ginger blade, likes to come in and nibble some kibble, and then go back out to see if anything has changed outside.

Letting him out, I shrugged off the dream to think about it later and nestled back under the covers. At that point, I felt and heard Tucker get off the bed. A minute later, I heard him crunching kibble.

Silence came.

Litter box scratching followed.

That’s when I came fully awake as Tucker did some business and launched a stench that exfoliated my skin.

Had to immediately empty that. The good news, I told myself, is that last year’s COVID bout didn’t seem to affect my sense of smell.

Good to find those silver linings, even if they’re in a litter box.

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Cogflooftive

Cogflooftive (floofinition) – Related to thinking about, concern about, or remembering animals. Origins: Midieval Latin, 1586; derived from cognitio (‘learning’ or ‘knowledge’) and floof (‘animal’, ‘bird’, ‘creature’ or ‘fish’).

In use: “Modern dangers of watching videos on Youfloof can include a cogflooftive obsession with how animals are treated or depicted, and how they’re used in movies and pop culture.”

Recent example: “Cogflooftive scientists point to a growing number of anecdotes and videos showing birds and animals’ problem solving skills as evidence that animals are more intelligent than many credit them.”

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Floofzees

Floofzees (floofinition) – A wheezing or blustery snoring sound attributed to animals. Origins: United States, 1837, Henry David Floofreau. Floofreau often described the pleasant torpor induced by the floofzees emanating from the animals surrounding him (1837, Thoughts On A Dozing Life: A Guide to Floofy Companions).

In use: “Even though they were small enough to fit in a hand, the five tabbies were soon issuing whistling floofzees which made Connie listen and smile.”

In use: “As Mickey and his wife watched television, he grew aware of Barker’s growing floofzees. After studying the dog for several seconds, he met his wife’s gaze, and both silently laughed.”

Recent example: “Corwin’s extended floofzees expanded in volume and duraction until the ginger cat startled himself awake, jerking up with a wild, green-eyed gaze.”

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Floofkempt

Floofkempt (floofinition) – Being overcome with emotions over news or images of animals, or interactions with animals. Origins: first used in 1991 in New York, borrowed from Middle High Floofman.

In use: “Watching videos of animals being rescued on Flooftube, Jill was clearly floofkempt from the stories being shared.”

In use: “Nancy became a little floofkempt as she talked about senior floof’s final battle with cancer.”

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Airfloof

Airfloof (floofinition) – 1. An area secured by animals arriving by air. Origins: Europe circa 1943.

In use: “Using the walls and furniture as a floofcourse, the tabby leaped, jumped, and bounded over the other pets and landed on the bed, showing the rest how to establish an airfloof.”

In use: “Birds were natural at establishing airheads, landing in the birdbath while the cats lounged in the sun.”

2. A silly, scatterbrained, or simple-minded animal. Origins: Floof Angeles, USA, 1971

In use: “True to her reputation as an airfloof, Airy leaped up when the doorbell rang, rushed toward the door, slid to a stop halfway there to wash herself, fell over onto her side, and then trotted over to get her ball as her people answered the door, at which Airy quizzically cocked her head about what was going on.”

In use: “Attacking a ball dustbunnies, Titan slide over the side of the stairs, and then sprinted around in mad airfloof fashion before racing back up the stairs and ambushing the dustbunny ball anew.”

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It was The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly in our backyard, if that movie was done by cats.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly is a 1966 spaghetti western film. That name, ‘spaghetti western’ was given to a series of western films based on the US west, but generally written, directed, and produced by Italians and filmed in Europe. Sergio Leone was one the leaders of this movement. With a string of successful films, he became influential in how westerns were made. This film was one of his masterpieces and judged by film critics to be significant.

Clint Eastwood starred in several spaghetti westerns, including this one. The movie’s morally complex story is that three gunfighters are searching for stolen gold during the American Civil War. The gold is supposed to be buried in a cemetery. The three men are searching and fighting for it while coping with the war going on. They eventually find the cemetery. A final showdown is set up.

It’s a climatic scene, delivered with long shots of the three gunfighters interspersed with tight close ups of the squinting and sweating sunburned men as flies pester them. These movies were always gritty and tense, with impressively realistic details. A music box is playing – yes, it’s part of the story – along with the titular theme song. When the music box finishes, the gunfight commences and finishes the tale.

My cats, Papi and Tucker, aided by a stranger, recreated the scene in the backyard. A jay provided the background ‘music’. Standing in an equilateral triangle about eighteen feet apart, Tucker and Papi faced off against a gray and white stranger.

Tucker is a black and white long-haired/short-haired mix with crazy long, white whiskers. There looks like some Maine coon in those whiskers, along with his ears and face shape. He used to be a fierce fighter but has finally chilled as he’s aged. Papi, the ginger blade, is years younger. He’s been in a few fights – he was in one just last night – including at least twice with Tucker, but prefers to not fight if fighting can be avoided.

A strong wind was blowing. Tucker was in sunlight on a small knoll on which three trees are perched. Their branches blew wildly over his head. The stranger was back by the wooden plank fence between two bushes. Papi was in shadowed dark green grass. The only movement I saw on the three floofs were small eye slides and ear shifts.

Though Tucker isn’t the right ‘colors’ to be Eastwood, his expression was worthy of being Clint’s character. I could easily imagine a cigar in Tucker’s mouth as he stared down the other.

A few minutes into it, Papi slowly settled into a more comfortable watching posture. Tucker followed suit a couple minutes later, encouraging the third cat to do the same. They stayed like that for about three minutes. Then, Papi, I guess growing bored, looked around and discreetly walked off. Tucker lowered his head down for a nap. The stranger carefully shifted, and then went up the fence and away from the scene.

All very anticlimactic. While it reminded me of the famous movie scene, none of these three participants were ugly. I can’t speak for the stranger, but my two can sometimes be good, or bad. Come to think of it, they’re as morally complex as the gunfighters, and just as entertaining.

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Floofverize

Floofverize (floofinition) – To reduce, demolish, destroy, or atomize through a floof’s behavior. Origins: Fifteenth century Italy, from the Late Latin, flofverizare.

In use: “Right from the first day in the house, the four rescued puppies showed remarkable destructive skills, completely floofverizing two pillows and a roll of toilet. These were all a surprise because the puppies had to first escape their kennel, which they did like they were beamed from one place to another.”

In use: “Using some inherent drive, the kittens went outside and floofverized the day lilies, leaving petals and leaves strewn around the patio like plane wreckage.”

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Floofspotting

Floofspotting (floofinition) – Amateur pastime or hobby of looking for animals, done by animals and humans. Origins: London, 1861, when Zoey Chandler began recording a diary of animals she’d spotted, including the date, time, local, and description.

In use: “Michael was an avid floofspotting fan when he went for walks, with an eye out for deer, cougars, bears, and foxes, along with cats and dogs spying from windows in houses.”

In use: “Sharry, a birdwatcher, was amused when she discovered her fiancee enjoyed ‘floofspotting’, which she’d never heard of (and privately considered a little silly). But his enthusiasm soon caught her up, and she soon declared herself to enjoy floofspotting, though, unlike him, she didn’t record the sights.”

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