Tag: humor

Simplefloof

Simplefloof (floofinition) – 1. An animal with few needs or worries.

In use: “Rocky was a simplefloof, happy with a toy, some kibble, and the company of humans or other animals.”

2. An animal whose foolish behavior or silly personality is often the subject of repeated stories for others’ amusement.

In use: “A sweet simplefloof, Peaky loved playing with a rubber worm but despised how it felt and tasted. She’d bat the toy across the room, then wash her paw before galloping over to the toy again. Whenever she picked it up in her mouth, she immediately dropped it, shaking her head. Yet, she’d pull the toy out of her little toy chest whenever it was put away.”

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Friday’s Wandering Thought

He wondered and worried, would hotel rooms begin emulating air travel pricing, monetizing everything? He wondered if there would be a day when he reserved a room but that doesn’t mean he has a room – just like buying an economy airline ticket or even rental cars (see Seinfeld for more). He can imagine going online to rent a room and being offered upgrades. Ten more dollars for both a bed and chair in the room on top of what you’re paying for a preferred floor and location, size, and view. Twenty-five more for pillows, sheets, and blankets. Go for the Deluxe Room Plus – it includes complimentary coffee and a television, just fifty dollars more.

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Flair

I wear a hat on most days. It’s an olive green Tilly, my second one. Several pieces of flair adorn it.

I encountered a new young barista at the coffee shop today, Teagan. She told me how much she likes my hat and all the stuff on it. I smiled, replying, “That’s my flair.”

Saying, “Oh, my God,” Teagan began laughing.

“Office Space,” I supplied.

“Yes, yes, yes!”

She and I reminisced about the movie’s big moments and enduring legacy. The red stapler. The consultants. Cubicles. Destroying the annoying printer. TPS reports. She loved the movie, she said, especially the ending.

Yes, it worked for me, too, when it came out in 1999. I’d retired from the military and was working for a startup in Palo Alto, CA, at that point. Written and directed by Mike Judge, starring Ron Livingstone, Jennifer Aniston, and Stephen Root, the movie spoke to me about corporate culture and management. Remembering it now after the convo with the barista, I sit here grinning, ready to break into a laugh.

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Floofwrangling

Floofwrangling (floofinition) – 1. To herd, gather, or care for animals, especially pets.

In use: “Fostering kittens and puppies turned Sara into a floofwrangling expert, but her latest little demons were the most energetic and clever clowder she’d ever had.”

2. Arguing with an animal.

In use: “Mara was forced into daily floofwrangling with her Dobie over absolutely everything because the boy was smart and delighted in vexing her, which, ironically, was exactly why she loved him.”

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Kankfloofdort 

Kankfloofdort (floofinition) – An awkward or embarrassing situation involving an animal.

In use: “Grace was in the middle of secretly giving treats to the scamperbeasts in the kitchen when in walked her dog. A kankfloofdort unfolded as Bear took in the treats and the munching cats, and then stared at her with hurt brown eyes.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thought

A new electronic traffic message sign was up, warning me of a delay ahead. Bare orange, very functional design, basically just whatever was needed to hold up the big black sign with its electronic orange characters to give the message.

Sort of surprising. I thought with all the naming/advertising frenzy going on, with companies buying the rights to naming stadiums and other facilities, buying the rights to name a construction sign or advertise on it would be a no-brainer. “You deserve a break today. Stop at McDonald’s after you’re through this mess.” Then Micky D can add two golden arches to the sign.

More inventive and creative types will go the old Burma Shave route.

“You’re trapped in a car. Surrounded by tar. Fortunately for you, Starbucks isn’t far.”

What names would you expect to see advertising on or naming electronic traffic message signs?

“Orange cones put you in mind of anything? Dairy Queen is ready.”

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