Quicksilver Messenger Floof

Quicksilver Messenger Floof (floofinition) – San Floofcisco floofchedelic band formed in 1965. Initially active until 1979, the band was a floofhedelic flock (floof rock) pioneer, developing a global floofbase with their melding of folk, flazz, and classical influences while leading the way toward album-oriented music.

In use: “Quicksilver Messenger Floof didn’t achieve much commercial success with their singles, with their best known, “Fresh Floof”, reaching the top 100 in 1970.”

UFO – Unidentified Floof Object

UFO – Unidentified Floof Object (floofinition) – Material belonging to or on an animal that isn’t recognizable and must be treated with caution until categorized.

In use: “Something was on the hall floor. Look like a clump. Could be bark carried in by one of the cats. Or it could be a UFO. Warily she approached. It needed to be picked up, but she wasn’t going to risk that with her bare hands. No sir, when it came to UFOs, it was better to use toilet paper or paper towel, in case it’s a floofberry.”

Floofzard

Floofzard (floofinition) – 1. An inherent danger associated with living with animals.

In use: “Big floofzards for people with housepets is stepping in unfortunate materials without warning in the middle of the night, materials which are often wet and stinky, either from being regurgitated, or from a bowel movement, forcing the human victim to do the floofhop until reaching somewhere to wash their foot.”

2. An animal with magical powers as depicted in floofy tales.

In use: “Many people think floofzards are fantasy but animals know floofzards exist and respect them for what they can do. For example, floofzards are often able to compel people to feed them treats and special foods with merely a glance.”

Floof Division

Floof Division (floofinition) – Post-flunk Flooflish band formed in Salfloof in 1976, active until 1980. After two albums were recorded, the suicide of one founding member caused the band to reform under a new name, Floof Order.

In use: “Originally heavily influenced by early flunk (floof punk), Floof Division embraced a pioneering post-flunk style and sound, typically playing loud and aggressive live performances, establishing an abrasive sound that emphasized mood and expression.”

Floofile

Floofile (floofinition) – 1. The extent to which an animals attracts public.

In use: “The shelter called the Tortie known as Canned (because of the circumstances in which she was found) shy, but she was keeping a low floofile to avoid attracting the wrong kind of attention (again).”

2. A short and secret document detailing a person’s description and attitude toward animals.

In use: “The Floof Exchange had a tetrafloof database of floofiles regarding people on Earth, providing tips on their likes, dislikes, and tendencies, with some floofiles flagged with red notices which meant, “DO NOT TRUST”.

Flooftrot

Flooftrot (floofinition) – A broken slow-trotting gait in which a person or animal pursues another, speeding up and slowing down as the other speeds up and slows down.

In use: “Conway pulled his leash from Jackie’s hand. Freed, the big dog began investigating surroundings with his big, black nose. Starting a flooftrot, Jackie moved toward him, bending for the leash dragging along the ground, calling, “Conway, Conway, here boy,” which the dog deliberately ignored. Just as she reached the leash, Conway darted away, mouth opened in a lolling-tongue grin, forcing Jackie to speed up and change course.”

The Skunk Report

It was Valentine’s Day, ten PM. The blinds were down. Thumping came from beside the house. Squeaking ensued. Definitely an animal noise. I turned. Outside lights detected motion and lit the area.

I pulled the blinds up. The squeaking came from a skunk, our skunk, as we call her. Haven’t formally named her yet but we know her by her tail, which looks like a well-used white toilet brush.

Furious squeaking kept going. She was jumping and darting briskly around. I zipped into the other room to bring my wife to the spectacle. Not much was on television and I’d just finished reading my book.

“What’s she doing?” my wife asked.

“I think she’s fighting with something.”

“I think she has a mouse.”

The skunk jumped back, leaped to one side, and twirled. “I don’t see a mouse. I think she’s fighting with something else.”

Our skunk turned and rushed away. There was no mouse. As we stood to consider what we’ve seen, another skunk darted out from under the house. Bigger than our skunk, I’d seen ‘him’ before. “Look.” I pointed him out. “I think she was fighting him. They sometimes fight.”

My wife was nodding. “Yes. I read that females will reject males and sometimes spray them in a defensive action.”

“So he came a-callin’…”

“And she said, no thank you.” The skunk disappeared. The lights went off. My wife turned away. “I think she doesn’t want him because she’s in love with Boo.” Boo is our big black cat with a single white star on his chest.

I remained doubtful. I began lowering the blind. The light appeared. ‘He’ appeared. He looked up at me.

I nodded down at him. “Tough luck, brother. Can you go somewhere else?”

He scurried off into the night. The light went off. I finished lowering the blind on the theater and began wondering what I was going to watch on the telly.

Live theater is so much better.

FUV

FUV (floofinition) – Floof Utility Vehicle: car, truck, van or other conveyance purchased, acquired, modified, or employed specifically to fit animals’ needs.

In use: “While the Subaru’s front half was set up for driver and passengers in a conventional manner, the rear was all FUV, with a caged-area fitted with a dog bed, water and food bowls, and a rechargeable system that independently heated and cooled the area.”

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