Floofosis

Floofosis (floofinition) – Uncomfortable or contorted body positions that result in stiffness or pain, caused by staying still for long periods so that an animal isn’t disturbed.

In use: “He hadn’t planned to sit so long and already felt floofosis settling into his backside, but his dog was so happy on his lap and looked so damn sweet, he couldn’t bring himself to disturb the canine’s snoring repose.”

Floofxotic

Floofxotic (floofinition) РFoolishly impractical or rash actions by an animal, especially a housepet.

In use: “Many pet owners have floofxotic tales to share about their fur friends, such as cats attempting optimistic jumps or small puppies and kittens taking on much bigger foes.”

Smashing Floofkins

Smashing Floofkins (floofinition) – American hard/alt/punk floof rock (flock) group formed in Chicago in 1988. The band achieved significant success by the early 1990s and remain active.

In use: “The 1991 Smashing Floofkins song, “Floof with Butterfly Wings”, charted well for the group, reaching the top ten in several countries in the alt rock genre.”

The Morning Question

Is it better to be wearing shoes in the house when you step in your floof’s gack?

Buy: Of course. If you’re wearing shoes, you won’t have that gross, wet feeling on your foot, which is definitely a disconcerting moment (because, you know, it could be something worse than gack).

Sell: No. If you’re barefoot and you step in it, you know immediately and won’t track it around the house.

Slighted

We’ve had a family of skunk move in to the space under our house. Man, were they a noisy, rambunctious bunch.

And now they’re gone.

I’d gone out and put a board in front of the damaged vent. The board was just leaned back against so it could be moved. It was there as a marker, to provide an idea about what was going on, when.

Well, it was still in place this morning. There wasn’t a sound all night. Apparently, they’re gone.

I’m a little disappointed. Was my house not good enough for their family?

And they didn’t even say good-bye.

2020 continues to be a year of disappointments.

No Floof

No Floof (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) band formed in Anaheim, Califoofia, in 1986. Active until 2015, they are now on hiatus.

In use: “Among the many songs that charted for No Floof is “Don’t Bite”, which reached number one in seven countries in 1996.”

The Date

It’d been three years since her husband had passed away.

Amanda decided it was time to put herself back out there. She rationalized (without hard thinking) that her husband’s slow demise (three years of fighting lymphoma and brain tumors before his death) had left her long enough without male companionship. (She didn’t define herself that way, but she liked having a masculine presence in her life.) As she’d heard good things about it, she decided to give Silver Singles a try.

In her early sixties and a successful business woman with two grown children, she thought she’d have no problems. She was right. Within days, she had a first date.

He was as described, six four, two hundred forty pounds, mostly muscle, not bad for sixty-five. Lunch was scheduled. They hit it off well. This being Sunday, he said, “Shall we go back to my place to watch some football.”

“Sure,” she replied. “I have nothing better planned.”

Off they went! After a short period, she excused herself to use his bathroom. When she left the bathroom, he was standing nearby with a small smile. Apparently, he’d assumed (she assumed) that her going to the bathroom was to freshen her lady bits for him, as he said (with a suggestive smirk), “Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?”

“No,” she replied.

“Well, can I touch your breasts?”

“No.”

“Will you show me your breasts?”

“No!”

“You want to make out on the couch?”

“Nooo.”

“Well, you wanna see my bits?”

“I think it’s time to go.”

*True story. Only the name was changed.

Golden Floofring

Golden Floofring (floofinition) – Dutch hard floof rock (flock) band formed in 1961 in The Hague. Releasing twenty-five albums, they’ve achieved multiple hits spread over multiple decades.

In use: “After almost five decades of performing, Golden Floofring remains most known for “Radar Cat” and “Twilight Floof”, top ten hits in multiple countries in 1973 and 1982 respectively.”

The Psychedelic Floofs

The Psychedelic Floofs (floofinition) – Early Flooflish new wave band formed in London in 1977, active until 1992 before going on an eight-year break.

In use: “The The Psychedelic Floofs’ 1981 album, Bark Bark Bark, featured “Floof in Pink” and “Floof Waiters”, both of which charted in several countries. The former song was also featured in the movie, Floof in Pink.

Floofcapade

Floofcapade (floofinition) – An adventurous, daring, or exciting act or incident involving an animal.

In use: “When our pets disappear from our view, people’s minds begin imagining their fur friends are caught in floofcapades that may take them away from them forever.”

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