Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
I park the car and head up the street towards the coffee house. As it happens on other days, four more people are making the same trek. We all share an urgency and focus to our movement. I think again, we’re like ants going toward a piece of food, and amuse myself again, thinking, coffee ants. I can almost picture the others with waving antennae…
Coffee ants. Coffants.
Brewants?
Espressants?
When the Humans had finally done so much to anger the rest of the Universe’s civilizations, they were relocated. The small solar system which was now home to Humans had few planets and was part of a Forbidden Realm. Magic was cast over it to keep the Humans from leaving the solar system. Magic also kept them from communicating with others.
But worse things were done to Humanity. They were stripped of learning about their heritage. As far as they knew, they’d always existed on the third rock from the sun. Perhaps, though, the most malignant curses put on Humanity gave them a short life span and aged them quickly. Then, finally, they were kept from knowing the truth about death.
So it would be until the Forbidden Realm was breached and another race came to Earth. Unless Why could stop them.
Demofloof (floofinition) – 1. An animal who shows or explains how things are done to other animals.
In use: “Parents, especially mothers, are often the demofloofs that young animals depend upon, but when the young are orphaned, other animals must take up the mantle of demofloof and show them how to be proper animals.”
2. An adherent of the premise of rule by animals.
In use: “Animals who witnessed and understood the butchery humans were inflicting on Earth were beginning the demofloof movement, advocating that animals should work together to reduce and limit human influence and take over.”
Issuing a hard squawk, a jay glided into the backyard, settling among the crispy brown weeds after a few hops. Cool mountain air stirred the firs and cherry tree bordering the yard.
A ginger and white cat shading herself on the patio flipped over onto her belly and watched the bird. Green eyes grew big. Watchful. She chittered.
The bird snapped off a chirp. Cat and bird glanced around. Six AM on Saturday, a fenced yard. No humans were about.
The cat strolled into the weeds. Bird hopped to her. Exchanges were issued. Then, business.
“What you got?” the cat asked.
“Not much. Neighbors across the street have gone camping. Will be back Friday. Fran, two doors down, fell. Bruised herself but broke nothing. Sissy was sunning herself on her roof yesterday, started taking selfies and almost fell off.”
The cat chuckled. “People.”
“You?”
“Not much. Bear visited the Miltons. Drained their hummingbird feeder. Flipped over a trash can.”
“Heard that. You pass this stuff on to your people?”
“Try. I tell them but they don’t seem to grasp it.”
“Well, keep trying, sister.”
“You, too, brother.”
“Keep cool.”
“Stay safe.”
They parted ways. A while later, the man entered the backyard. Chuckled the cat’s way. “Heard you and that bird going at it.”
The cat meowed several times back, trying to convey the information learned.
“What is it? What are you telling me? You hungry? Want water? A treat? What is it?”
The cat repeated the stories the bird had shared.
The man shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” He went on to water the garden.
The cat sat down with a sigh. That all summed up the problem. People could hear but couldn’t understand.
Floofsolution (floofinition) – 1. Act of forgiving an animal for a sin or bad behavior.
In use: “Even though the cat had once again knocked over the trash can and picked through it, she scolded him but then gave floofsolution, because he had such a damn cute face and deep purr.”
2. A remedy adopted for the betterment of an animal’s existence or comfort.
In use: “The dog loved eating popcorn, so the only floofsolution was to make enough for the dog, too, and ensure it was safe for him to eat.”
Unheeding of what they thought or humans tried to do, the skunk removed the board with her powerful front legs and went back under the house. A robin changed positions, looking for a meal.
Indifferent to changing clocks, pending elections, economies, and pandemics, nature shifted gears, changing colors and striking down leaves and blooms in the northern climes, and refreshening and enlivening the landscape south of the equator.
Oblivious to watching eyes, hopes and despairs, and lies and promises, the sun rose, and the stars shone, and the moon reflected on it all.
All of nature and physics remained ignorant of the human worries and events, as though they were a drop in the bucket, a blink of an eye, or a mote floating through the firmaments, and not the end and beginning of everything.
The wind, as he thought about it, sighed, and went on.
Stop and Roll (floofinition) – Animal tactic often employed by pets to get humans’ attention. The measure usually requires the animal to get in front of the human, throw their onto the ground and then wiggle or roll around while giving humans smiles.
In use: “In secret ‘How to Tame Your Human’ sessions, puppies are taught to gambol about to get humans’ attention before executing the stop and roll.”
Comfloofmanship (floofinition) – Animal practice or philosophy that every human deserves to be accompanied by an animal, preferably 24/7, for protection and comfort.
In use: “After growing up alone on the streets, the puppy found a human to take them in and decided to embrace comfloofmanship as a way of life, following ‘his’ human everywhere she went while monitoring everything that she did.”
Michael Seidel, writer 