Flooflish (floofinition) – English as spoken to housepets.

In use: “Dropping to his knees, the big man shifted into flooflish. “Who’s daddy’s pwetty little boy?” he asked his big dog in a high voice. Wagging his tail, the dog leaped forward and started licking his face. “That’s right, you are,” the man said as the dog licked him. “You are. That’s right, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Good boy, good dog, good lad.”



Floofdux (floofinition) – when a housepet does something, and then does it again; when a human does something for a housepet more than one time.

In use: “Trained to respond to treats, she demonstrated her cat and dog’s synchronized standing-on-their-hind-paws routine, treating us to a floofdux when others arrived.”


Archfloofocese (floofinition) – the district for which an archfloofshop is responsible.

In use: “The pets established areas, an archfloofocese, if you will, where they liked to hang. In each archfloofocese, one pet ruled and kept order – a cat in the master bedroom, a dog on the patio, and the noisy bird in the living room.”


Adflooficate (floofinition) – to make an official decision about who is right in a dispute between two or more housepets.

In use: “The household’s sole feline, a small, older female, was involved in almost every dispute that he had to adflooficate. Disputes usually involved food, toys, or a warm place to sleep. No matter what he decided, it seemed like the cat always won. Whether the dispute was between the human and the cat over a chair or between the dogs and the cat over the bed, she always seemed to win.”


Flooflandia (floofinition) – ancient continent where animals ruled and lived in harmony. Floofologists disagree as to whether Flooflandia is mythological or was real. Recent theories hold that Flooflandia exists but requires quantum powers and knowledge that only animals possess to reach it.

In use: “They say that in Flooflandia, no animal is an orphan, for another animal will find it and take care of it as its mother.”


Pairafloof (floofinition) – two housepets.

In use: “The pairafloofs occupied the sofa when he came in to watch television, forcing him to sit down his bowl of popcorn and drink to clear a space. As soon as he sat, the pairafloofs were putting their heads into the popcorn to get their share.”


Prefloofeve (floofinition) – personal holiday many people celebrate on the night before they’re getting a new housepet.

In use: “She couldn’t sleep on prefloofeve, too excited about the impending trip to the shelter tomorrow to find the right pet and bring them home.”


Flooflorn (floofinition) – bereft of housepet(s); experiencing unrequited love with a housepet.

In use: “She decided that instead of staying flooflorn, she would foster cats and dogs, and kittens and puppies, and outfitted a room for that purpose.”


Floofonics (floofinition) – the study of┬áhousepet language and syntax.

In use: “His cats started talking to him more as they lived with him, and he developed floofonics, a science of listening to the nuances of their meows. It especially satisfied him to hear the cats talking to him about being fed. They began with sharp, loud meows that continued until he started to deliver their bowls to them. Their voices changed then, the volume dropping as the strident meows changed to mewmuring.”

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