Floofviscular

Floofviscular (floofinition) – An object or collection that resembles an animal.

In use: “From where it came, who knew? The cat seemed to shed five times as much hair as he ever had on his body. And then it came together in a floofviscular display, as if a mini-clone had been created on the floor.”

A CBD Update

I have cats.

That’s my human POV. The cats put it, I have a human. The cats say, I make demands, play with things (because I’m booored), and show affection (sometimes offering my human a gift), and in return, the humans feed, shelter, protect, care for me, and give me a body to sleep on so I don’t get cold. As a human, I say, aren’t they sweet?

The cats, smugly, nod, their eyes hooded: yes, we know.

Some of my little felines have issues. After inquiries and research, I decided to attempt a CBD course. The inquiries didn’t do a lot to reassure me about what was going to happen; neither did the research. They’re cats; they’re as individual as humans and offer less insights (and more cryptic insights) into how they’re feeling. Eventually, I purchased Sun God CBD Heka Pet Oil. It’s available locally. Friends swear by it.

Boo’s stress and anxiety drives my feline CBD attempts. Boo, an older cat with a mysterious history, huffs, hisses, panics, and swats at everything. You never know what’ll set him off. His back fur by his rear has matted. Always a large cat (and, we suspect, arthritic), he can’t groom that area. During the consecutive years of wildfire and smoke-filled air, all the cats (except young, short-haired Papi) (aka Meep) developed matting. With everyone except Boo, we bought sprays and used those in conjunction with scissors, brushes, and combs to remove their mats and restore their gloss.

Can’t do it with Boo. He ducks hands, although he’s come to tolerate our petting and stoking. (But beware of going close to his matted fur!) Hairbrushes? No! Hiss, snap, swat, run away, run away, run away, run away. Scissors?

I dare you.

His mats are so bad, they’re like a hard hump on his back (for which we cruelly call him Humpback). You know it has to be bothering him. We have great ideas about what’s going on with his skin underneath. We’ve done research.

We’d already tried other things to calm him. We considered hiring groomers to come to the house, but until Boo calms more, we think that option is out. We have managed to groom some of it down, but not the worse, and without constant grooming, it begins expanding. Something must be done. Hence the CBD.

Knowing Boo’s condition, I knew it would take some time for me to get any quantities into him. The oil smells unusual. Boo doesn’t do unusual.

At the same time, I was trying it on two of the others: Pepper (the neighbor’s elderly cat, who treats our place as her home), and Tucker. Tucker suffers from autoimmune and inflammatory issues. Somewhere older than ten years old, he’s aging, too. He apparently lived a rough street life before reaching our door. Again, he’s a cat without a past (that we know).

I added CBD to the food. Boo ran away. Pepper ate it up, curled up, and went to sleep. Tucker ate some and became…mellow.

Papi did, too. Yeah, he ingested a little with food. When I visited with him afterward, I swear he acted stoned, smiling at me like he was going to say, “You know, you’re so cool. I love you, man.”

The next day, encouraged by the small amounts and reactions, I squirted a few drops directly into Pepper and Tucker’s mouths. Pepper took it in stride; ate, went away, and came back stunningly invigorated. Success. Wow.

Tucker went to sleep. Deep, deeep, deeep sleep. It was so deep and prolonged, I wondered, what the hell have I done to my cat?

Then, after twelve hours of that, he hunted me down in bed in his usual Tucker style, and all seemed fine.

Meanwhile, I bought special food for Boo. He’s partial to things with sauces, so I purchased a more expensive offering, with skipjack tuna and chicken in a delicate broth (such marketing hype, right?). Into it I dropped two drops of CBD.

Boo lapped it up. Then he went outside, found sunshine, and went to sleep, deep, deeep, deeep sleep, for hours and hours. This was in parallel to Tucker’s deep sleep. Tucker was inside sleeping; Boo was in the grass in the back yard. Usually when I open the back door, each looks up from their sleep to see what’s going on. Usually, too, Boo trots over to me.

This time, nothing. From either.

Holy crap, I’d killed the cats.

I checked both for signs of life. They stirred, like, what? But it wasn’t their usual behavior.

After a day of that deep sleeping, I worried about it. I decided not to give any cat CBD to see what happens.

You know what? All are normal, almost back to their pre-CBD form, except that I swear that all seem more relaxed. Pepper continues to be sprier.

At this point in my non-scientific testing, I consider the CBD worthwhile. I have another can of special food for Boo. I plan to administer the CBD to him in it this week. Then we’ll attempt to groom him. Just a little, mind you.

Then we’ll really see if it’s worthwhile.

 

Bedfloof

Bedfloof (floofinition) – 1. An animal who preferred to sleep on a bed, especially a human’s bed.

In use: “The cat was undeniably a bedfloof, getting up to eat, do her toilet business, and drink some water, but returning to bed to groom and then slumber. She looked so sweet, curled up in the middle of the bed, and she was always in the middle.”

2. Shed fur found on a bed after an animal leaves the bed. Related: flooffloof.

In use: “Where the little dog had been curled up asleep was a bedfloof clump that resembled a small clone of the dog.”

Floofnel

Floofnel (floofinition) – Animal fur that has a soft texture and feel reminiscent of a flannel fabric.

In use: “He loved to have Barney lay snug against his chest, and enjoyed stroking the animals’ floofnel back with long, leisurely caresses, finding it relaxing and stress-reducing.”

Exfloofiate

Exfloofiate (floofinition) – to animal fur from clothing, furniture, food, and other items.

In use: “She loved her Samoyed, Thor, but the boy could shed white fur like nobody’s business, requiring extensive and persistent exfloofiating.”

Floofbeard

Floofbeard (catfinition) – an accumulation of hair on your face from your pet’s demonstrations of affection.

In use: “Quinn leaped up onto Michael’s lap and then marched straight up to Michael’s face. After mewing a greeting, Quinn began purring, rubbing his face against Michael’s cheeks and chin, and nipping Michael’s chin and nose. Within seconds, Michael had acquired a floofbeard.”

 

Plethfura

Plethfura (catfinition) – an excessive quantity of cat fur, but also sometimes used in reference to dog fur, or animal fur in general.

In use: “With three long-hair cats, a plethfura resulted, requiring daily diligence to reduce the plethfura. If daily rituals of sweeping and vacuuming weren’t followed, the plethfuras congregated, becoming kittenish in size and substance. Thinking about that scared her into worrying that if the plethfura weren’t swept up, a lightning strike might bring these collections to life.”

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