Tag: focus

Survival Mode Dream

I was part of a military unit. A light colonel – a commander from my real life – led us. Something disastrous had happened, and we’d shifted into holding on, bracing for attacks and problems. Food, water, and fuel were all issues.

Second in command, we had a dozen people. All were much younger than the commander and me. The weather seemed consistently dark and cloudy. Rain was often falling.

I started out required to make suggestions to the commander. He then agreed or not, and gave orders. My suggestions were about needing shifts,  requiring everyone to collect and bring food, man the place and keep watch.

We arrived back in the morning as scheduled. Still a dark, rainy day. Part of our structure was gone. I suggested to the commander, maybe we should move our people inside the rest of the structure, to get us out of the rain.

“No,” he said. “Put them on the covered porch.”

I ordered that, but saw at that point that my commander had recognized that I was thinking about things. Touching my shoulder, he told me, “Supervise them. Get them set up and ready.”

I agreed. We had an engine. It ran a generator which gave us electricity. I’d seen the commander add oil to it the previous day. I went to the engine to do the same. The way he’d done it before didn’t make sense with what I saw. This was a Chevy V8, and it was running. I knew it was important to keep the engine running. The engine steamed as rain drops hit.

I checked fluid levels. Gas, oil, etc., were all topped off. I worried that I was overlooking something and decided, I didn’t know enough about how the engine worked. I needed to learn more.

People reported in to work, bringing food and water with them, including doughnuts. Thanking the people for them, I ordered the doughnuts to be shared, encouraging everyone to eat.

Reports came in – I’m not sure of the mechanism – that enemy forces weren’t far off. I directed people to take positions as lookouts. Someone asked if we should launch a drone.

I knew we had a drone but we also had a plane. I directed that both be launched.

They were launched but we weren’t getting images from other. I went outside to see where they were in the sky, which had turned apricot but was marbled with gray and black. Craning my head back, holding my hat on, I couldn’t see the plane or drone.

My commander asked me what I was doing. I told him, and he replied, “Good idea.” Others came out to also look. None of us could see either aircraft.

“I think the enemy destroyed them,” I said with worry.

The situation is getting grim, I thought.

Dream end.

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A Cheetah Dream

I dreamed that my wife and I and several family members were traveling together. Just ending a journey together, we arrived at my house. This was a tiny but crowded place with bare cinder block walls. Included among my family was a sister and one of her daughters, and several of her grandchildren.

I was first into the house. Getting in there, I discovered a full-grown cheetah in our house. My arms were full of grocery bags, limiting what I could do. My dream brain said something like, “Holy shit, there’s a cheetah in the house.” The house was a friggin’ mess, so cluttered with junk that I struggled to walk across the floor. As I did try to walk across the floor, the cheetah gently took hold of my shirt tail in its mouth and tried pulling me in another direction.

My wife and others entered. I warned them, “There’s a cheetah in here.” They didn’t seem to pay attention but I continued, “I think he wants me to feed him. I don’t know if it’s male, to be honest, but I think he’s trying to pull me toward his food.”

That’s what the cheetah did seem to be doing. I talked to it like it was my housepet, explaining that I’d feed him in a second, but I needed to put things down and food his food first. Whenever I’d go toward where I thought the food was, the cheetah would get happy and chirp small, high-pitched mews at me. But if I turned away from its food, it’d would swat at me. Never with true menace, but still, it’s a cheetah.

Sometimes I would swear. Then a second sister, who’d joined without being noticed, would remind me of little ones being present, and I’d apologize. My niece’s husband also joined us, making my place very crowded. All through this, the cheetah paid no attention to anyone except me. Meanwhile, I kept asking the cheetah, “How did you get in here?” The dream ended as I reached for food to give the cheetah.

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The Power of Coffee

I probably mentioned it before, but my first sip of coffee is actually two or three deep inhalations of the aroma. I’ve done this more or less since I began drinking coffee as a young adult, but the idea was solidified as a ritual when I read that coffee’s smell enhances focus, memory, and attention span. Figuring I needed whatever advantage I could dredge up, I embraced my ritual.

I imagine that some day, I’ll be older, and sharing that with strangers in coffee shops. But not today.

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The Writing Moment

Revision continues. Read. Change. Correct.

Two complicated chapters slowed progress. They remain in need of fixes. But I think their changes should be addressed in context of the entire story. So I press on into the next chapter. Read. Revise.

Those were complicated chapters. And important because of the revelations they delivered. So going through them meant patience and diligence.

But I felt that I lost some of the thread. I wondered if I was confusing myself with attempting too many changes to improve the flow. So, I want to let those chapters slip out of mind and see how they read the next time they’re approached in their natural order.

Page 306 is under scrutiny. The main protagonist is enduring an unidentified illess. Going through the prose affects me. Empathizing with the character, nausea and lethargy overtakes me. Dryness spreads from my lips, invading my mouth, takes over my tongue, slipping into my throat. My eyes grow weary. I want to stop.

But there are goals. There must be discipline. The goal for today’s session is to reach page 330, a completely arbitrary number presented to the pscyhe because I work better with order, structure, and goals, a condition of my personality and my work history.

After page 330 is reached, eighty pages will remain.

First, I’m going on a break. Stretch. Walk in the sunshine. Breathe in, as the character tells himself, breathe out. Like the song “Machinehead” by Bush: breathe in, breathe out.

I’m not looking for perfection. I just want to be happy with the story.

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A Second

My wife tells me again and again that she is thankful that I’m a ‘good’ driver, that I pay close attention and have fast reflexes. Had to use those again today.

I came down the hilly street and entered the intersection, a straight path. A third into the intersection, and the traffic light went yellow. Shrug; I was already in the intersection. But the young man in the blue Focus turning left going the opposite way decided that he absolutely needed to make that light and rushed into a left hand turn in front of me.

“Holy Jesus,” The Neurons shouted inside my mind. I didn’t answer because I was already telling my right foot to leave the gas pedal to stomp the brake pedal. Full lockup, traction control and anti-braking activating. Wasn’t going fast, so it was a hard, abrupt stop in the middle of the intersection. Fortunately, nobody was near in either direction, saw what was happening, and were slowing.

Two things. As events transpired, I saw the other driver, a young white man with short dark hair — early twenties? — flinch, raise his arm to protect himself against the crash he thought was about to happen, and lean away. Left turn completed, but in the other direction’s vacant left-hand turn lane, he stopped, hands on his wheel. I imagine that he was shaking, realizing how close he’d come to fucking up his day.

Mildly ruffled, I rhetorically addressed him in my car, “What were you thinking,” and drove on. But I recognize, if anything had distracted me in the second before I slammed the brakes, we could have had a much different outcome.

What a difference a second can make.

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Wednesday’s Theme Music

Mood: focused

We’re celebrating Aug 9 2023 in Ashlandia, where the morning is cool and the afternoon is hot in the summer. Nothing special for this day for me, but happy anniversary and birthday to anyone out there celebrating those things. Congratulations on your promotion, your accomplishment. Well done on finishing that task, doing that work, completing that project, writing that book.

Another night where I ran through a complete slate of dreams. Most of it had to do with being in England with my wife, ironic as we’ve both been to England, but not together, and knowing where we were and getting things done. Not a surprising dream, given where I’m at.

I’ve been forced to dig down and try harder on a few things this week. Like others, I have a MO for it; I isolate, cutting access to me, and digging deeper for energy, narrowing my focus to laser intensity. It can be sustained but it’s one of those things that can become ingrained and diminish my satisfaction with life. Better to use it to achieve what’s needed to be done, and then step back and breathe and celebrate the outcome.

With that trying in mind, The Neurons dug Janis Joplin and the Kozmic Blues Band out of the gray vault, pumping “Try (Just A Little Harder)” (1969) into the morning mental music stream (Trademark surreal). While Janis is singing about romance and her man, her exhortations on trying is great stimulation for breathing deep, settling up, and going back in for another determined push. Yeah, in this case, I’m speaking of the solitude and angst of finishing a novel’s first draft.

So here’s a look at Janis and her band on the Dick Cavett show from a day over sixty years ago. Thank you, technology.

Stay strong, be positive, and keep moving it forward. I’ve have some coffee but I might be up for a little more, yeah? Sure. Here’s the music. Cheers

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